


Always

by cxw1065



Series: Always [1]
Category: Bollywood Movies, Dilwale (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Love, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Minor Character Death, Misunderstandings, Pining, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-10 17:17:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 88,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5594485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxw1065/pseuds/cxw1065
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 'Dilwale' fix-it fic- more of the angst, pining and story that we needed to see on screen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_A long time ago in a galaxy far far away....................._

_No, wait. It’s not that story, though we first heard about that story on the same day._

_Let me start again_

_About fifteen years ago, (the boy could tell you exactly how long it’s been) a boy met a girl._

_Well, perhaps I should go back a little further than that, really, shouldn’t I?_

 

Prologue

 

Many many years ago, two young men started out as petty crooks on the docks of Bombay (as it was known then). The two men genuinely disliked each other, though they worked together from time to time for convenience sake. As the years passed, they both became fairly successful in their line of work.

 

The first man- Malik- decided his fortune lay far across the world, and so he made his way to Eastern Europe, where he reached the top of the local mafia-tree. He married the daughter of a rival, turning the rival into an ally, and in due course he fathered one daughter and then (fifteen years after the first one) another.  Malik’s elder daughter Meera was a quiet, self-contained child. She watched the world around her, noting the way her father ran his business. Malik found something of himself in her; when his second attempt at producing a male heir failed to produce the correct gender of offspring, he decided his older child would do. He started her training at the age of fifteen, and by the time she was 20 she was his second-in-command. When Malik’s younger daughter Ishita was 7, his wife died; the little girl was unceremoniously dispatched to boarding school where she stayed out of sight and out of her father’s mind. Meera was devoted to her little sister, the only person apart from her father that she seemed to have any emotional connection to. She visited her as much as she could, talked to her every day and, as much as possible, took the place of the mother Ishita had lost.

 

The second man- Bakhshi- made his name in Bombay, but eventually the lure of the West enticed him too and he also ended up in Eastern Europe, where he began making his mark (much to the anger of his old acquaintance). Along the way, he adopted a boy, the orphan son of a woman he had occasionally spent time with.  Some years after adopting his son, he met a woman and fell head over heels in love. She was a genuinely good, kind woman; the kind of woman nobody ever believes exists. She took his son to her heart, became the mother the child had never known and for a short time, Bakhshi was truly happy with his family. He had always had a softer side to him, which was part of what made Malik despise him so much, and it was that side that came to the fore during those years.

 

The little family of three eventually became a family of four; Bakhshi’s wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.  The boy’s elder brother was given the task of naming him, and he chose something as far from his own name as he could; if he had to tolerate being saddled with Kaali, he would make sure his adored brother had a name he could be proud of. He chose Veer.

 

The first six years of Veer’s life were the happiest time in any of their lives. Kaali was seventeen years older than his little brother, and had been brought into his father’s business from a fairly early age. But Veer and his mother were kept cocooned away from the true ugliness of that world, and the family home was a bastion of normality.

 

Everything changed when Veer was six. Bakhshi’s wife was expecting another baby, a matter of great happiness to the whole family; when she was six months along, tragedy struck and both she and the baby died. Bakhshi was brought to his knees by the loss, and it was only Kaali’s leadership that kept their business running. He looked after his father and his brother and the business for the year it took for Bakhshi to emerge from his grief.

 

At the end of the year, Bakhshi looked round and realised what had happened. For Veer’s sake, Bakhshi sent him away to boarding school, no matter how it hurt all of them. He knew that Veer needed stability, and knew that the life he and Kaali led was no place for a child with Veer’s good, kind heart. Bakhshi also knew that Veer’s existence was a huge weakness which could be exploited by any of his enemies and so he ensured that as few people as possible knew that he had a second son.

 

During the next six years, Bakhshi and Kaali cemented their place as the leading contenders to Malik’s crown. The enmity between the Bakhshis and Malik grew intense, with regular skirmishes between their men.

 

And so we come to the actual start of our story, fifteen years ago when boy met girl.

 

Do I really need to specify that the boy was Kaali and the girl was Meera?

 

No, I didn’t think I did.


	2. Meera

Chapter 1

_The day of the gold heist, Kaali met Meera. He fell in love with her at first sight, though he didn’t quite understand that at the time. He understood that he loved her when he saw her the next day._

_He never stopped loving her from that moment on._

_Three days after they met, Meera tried to kill him. She didn’t succeed, and strangely enough didn’t succeed in killing his love for her either._

_Three weeks after they met, Kaali told Meera that if he ever saw her again, he would take her life.  A few days after that, Meera realised that she loved him._

_Not the most auspicious beginning for a relationship, I hear you say._

_You’re right about that._

_It gets worse before it gets better._

 

Meera Dev Malik had known from the age of fifteen what the future held for her. She would learn the business from her father, work as his second-in-command when she was old enough, do her best to make him proud and someday she would be married off to somebody her father wanted an alliance with. She had no fear of the future. Her father would ensure that the person she married understood how they would be expected to treat her. Her life was set, and she had no qualms about what it entailed.

 

The life Meera had been leading over the last ten years had left her as an outwardly self-confident, glamorous woman who knew her worth in the world she lived in.  The men she led listened to her, her father even listened to her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever had a moment of doubt or uncertainty.

 

The first moment of uncertainty in Meera’s life came about because of a man she tried to kill. It’s such a cliché, but there’s a reason such things become clichéd- it’s because they’re often based on the truth.

 

It had seemed such a simple plan; Meera would step in front of the Bakhshi’s car, they would stop and then her men would kill them. It did, admittedly, rely on her men being able to keep to the plan. Unfortunately, it seemed that this reliance wasn’t reasonable.

 

She was left with a severely bruised leg, needing a crutch and with a rival who still wasn’t dead.  Thankfully, she was adaptable.  She leveraged the bruised leg and the crutch into a flirtation, then turned that flirtation into a date.

 

She had to admit, the date was good. She’d never actually been on a date before that night, but Bakhshi’s son, with his ridiculous name, was quite charming. She enjoyed the five minutes she gave him, with the added spice of seeing the men who had been shooting at her men co-opted into behaving like prize idiots.

 

The best part of the five minutes she spent with him was when he gave her the exact information she wanted, without her even having to hint for it.

 

The next day, when she crouched down next to his car and saw his eyes filled with sadness, she still didn’t feel any uncertainty. She gave her victorious monologue (she had always wanted to do that), and she was still absolutely certain that she was doing the right thing.

 

It wasn’t until she picked up her gun and pointed it at him, until she looked in his eyes in preparation for killing him that she suddenly had a moment of doubt. She couldn’t do it; the first time she’d been unable to shoot someone.

 

It wasn’t clear in her mind _why_ she stopped; something she saw in his eyes perhaps, or some vestige of conscience stopping her from killing a man trapped and injured.

 

But she did stop. She put the gun down, taunted him one last time and then stalked away.

 

It was pure foolishness which kept her thinking about his eyes; about the look in them as he had realised how she had betrayed them, at the devastation that was more powerful than the pain he must have been in, about what might have been if they had been different people in a different place or time.

 

It was pure terror that made her remember those eyes when she heard his voice on her phone three weeks after that day. It was that same terror which made her drive like a lunatic to try and get away from him.


	3. Kaali

Kaali cursed as Meera accelerated away from him. She was driving like a woman possessed to try and get away from him, but he was damned if he would let her go.

She had haunted him and tormented him for the last three weeks. Anger, hurt, frustration, guilty longing, rage; all these emotions chased through his mind as he healed from the damage she had wrought.

He still loved her. It was stupid and foolish and ridiculous and he _would_ cure himself of this ridiculous affliction however he could. If it meant he had to kill her, he almost thought he would be able to.

Never could he remember being taken in by a woman this way. To be fair to himself, he had never felt about any woman the way he did about Meera, from the moment he had met her. It was a burning painful feeling now, but in those first days it had been a bright glorious riotous mix of happiness, wanting and desire.

When he saw her walking towards him, her gun pointed at his head, the glorious brightness of it had changed to a dark, pulsing emotion that he wasn’t able to name. It should have been hate; he knew it should have been hate or disgust or anything other than what it still was, a painful broken love. But it had stayed love, no matter how much he hated himself for it. Even three weeks lying in bed with nothing to do but plan how he would break her, even those three weeks hadn’t been enough to change the way he felt.

For three weeks, he had tried to understand _why_ he loved her. He knew he did, but he couldn't understand what it was about her that made him love her. He didn't even know her- had never met the real her, and still his foolish heart (an organ that had only ever before had space for three people in it) kept insisting that she was the other half of him.

This was his last attempt to purge her from his heart; he knew he would never forget her but he wanted to stop loving her, no matter what it took.

As they drove across the city, eventually reaching the narrow cliff edge road, all he could think about was somehow cutting her out of his heart. But in the moment when their eyes locked, in the moment when he realised that she was going to fall, in _that_ moment he realised that it wouldn’t make a difference whether she lived or died. She was the only one he would ever love, even if she flayed him open.

Of course he saved her; pulled her close, breathed her in, felt her heartbeat against him, held her face in his hands and took a moment to just be.

And then he told her that if he ever saw her again, he’d take her life.  Even as he said the words, he didn’t know exactly what he meant by them. He knew he wouldn’t kill, _couldn’t_ kill her. Was he warning her of her one last chance to stay away from him? The urge to just take her and keep her was one he had to keep fighting down. He was used taking what he wanted, no matter what it was. He normally did it with charm and without hurting anyone who didn’t deserve to be hurt, but he was rarely denied anything he wanted. This strange desire to protect her even from himself (when he knew she wasn’t in any way in need of his protection) was something he had never felt before.

The voice in his head telling her to just hold her close grew even louder; he responded by pushing her away, almost pushing her out of his car, before driving away from her as fast as he could.


	4. Meera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an immensely difficult chapter to write because the film does such an awful job of this- there's nothing to explain why the hardened criminal Meera goes from wanting to kill Kaali to prostrating herself and debasing herself at his door in such a short space of time.
> 
> I've tried my best to give her some believable motivation, but I'm not sure it's worked. I do think that the character had no idea about functioning relationships (her dad didn't seem the demonstrative sort) and when you throw in the way Kajol played her (Ice Queen comes to mind)- this was the only way I could try to make it sit right.

Watching someone drive away from her having left her defeated wasn’t something Meera was used to.  That was probably why she felt this way; like her skin was flayed where he had touched her, like she could still feel his heartbeat as he held her close, his breath on her lips.

It was disconcerting; she felt unstable, unmoored from reality. She shook herself as she pulled out her phone to call for someone to collect her. She’d have to explain what happened to the car, which would open yet another line of questioning, but it was the least of her worries.

The idea of facing her father and Raghav, explaining that she had been saved from her own foolishness by her own personal nemesis, that was what she needed to concentrate on. Better that than this sick feeling in her gut; a feeling that she had lost something that she hadn’t even realised she had.

The days following that encounter with Kaali were some of the worst she could remember; almost as bad as when her mother had died. She had been younger then, less able to control herself so she had cried. It was the last time tears had ever been allowed; her father had made sure of that.

She felt disconnected from reality. The organisation was flying high with the recovery of the stolen gold from the Bakhshis, but she felt as if it had nothing to do with her. She went to see Ishita but even that didn’t help her; her little sister’s innocent chatter normally soothed her but with this visit all she wanted was to run back to where _he_ was.

“Foolish” she berated herself. “Are you going to turn into one of those crying weaklings you went to school with, who wept when a man spoke to them harshly?”

When she found herself sitting in a car, just staring out of the window, she took stock. Enough was enough. She had to work out what it was that was making her behave in such an idiotic way.

Soul-searching was not something Meera normally indulged in, and it was even worse than she had ever imagined. To have to look inside herself and realise that something had changed her, to realise that perhaps that stupid five-minute date had affected her, to realise that the devastation she had seen in Kaali’s eyes had woken something in her; well, it was the most uncomfortable she could ever remember feeling.

Was this love? She couldn’t know. The only love she had ever felt in her life was either for her parents or for Ishita. There were no friends she could ask for advice, no mother for her to turn to to tell her what she was meant to do.

Was it love she felt? Attraction she would admit to, lust perhaps (that had to be the hot feeling inside her that started when he had looked at her a certain way), admiration for the way he had handled his defeat- these were all things she could understand. But love? What was that?

Perhaps it _was_ love; perhaps it was love that stopped her from killing him? How on earth was she to know? Was it love that made her enjoy the pleasure her presence seemed to give him, even when she was playing him for a fool? Was it love that made her regret the hurt she would cause him, even when she deliberately set him up for the kill?

At the end of several days of going over and over and over the same thoughts, she came to one unpleasant conclusion- she thought that she loved Kaali, but she couldn’t be sure and the only person who she could ask to tell her what she was feeling was Kaali himself.

After that hideous realisation, she procrastinated for another day, before she realised that actually she wanted to see him. Once she admitted that, the desire to see him grew and grew until it became a need clawing inside her, forcing her hand and making her do something she never thought she would do.

She actually drove to Kaali’s house, brushed past his guards and sidekicks and confronted him. To her utter humiliation, he didn’t believe her, instead taking her by the hand and ushering her outside, refusing to believe what she was telling him.

Well, and wasn’t that the point? She didn’t know about love, she told him she didn’t know anything about love and what kind of lover was he if he still didn’t care? (She wasn’t feeling particularly rational at this point; the man had told her he loved her and that he would take her life; here she was offering her life to him and he didn’t want it. What did it matter that she’d betrayed him, that was the old her, for goodness sake; that was the woman who hadn’t realised she loved him!)

By this point Meera had had enough. Not only was she in love for the first time in her life, with absolutely no idea how to show it to the man she wanted but he didn’t even believe her, didn’t want her anymore.

In rage and hurt, she vowed she wouldn’t move until he listened to her, would sit outside his house until he finally believed she loved him. And didn’t that tell him how far she had fallen? Meera Dev Malik, the woman used to being obeyed, the woman who ordered around men large enough to break him in two; that Meera Dev Malik was now sitting like a supplicant waiting to be granted a boon from an uncaring monster.

She sat and sat and sat; her hurt grew with every moment that passed but something kept her sitting there. Was this love; this determination to prove to him that she cared? Would she still love him even if he never accepted her love for him? She thought about that possibility as she sat there, as the rain started. What if he never believed her? What if she had to go back to the life she had so blithely accepted before, the one in which she was married off to one of her father’s allies? A shudder ripped through her, either from the cold or from the thought of being married to anyone except Kaali.

As she sat there soaked to the bone, one of his sidekicks came to offer her some food. The hurt inside her burned to the bone; this man who had no connection to her, this sidekick was able to find it in him to offer her food, but the man who said her loved her and would never let her go, that man couldn’t even be bothered to take a tiny bit of notice of her.

Perhaps she deserved this. (She could hear the tiny rational part of her brain that was still working muttering “you did try and kill him, you did deceive and betray him, you did use his feelings as a weapon against him, what did you expect?”).

As she sat in the cold and the rain, through the corner of her eye she saw another pair of legs approaching.

An umbrella came into position over her head, giving her momentary respite from the bitterly cold raindrops. She turned to see who it was who was interrupting her brooding.

It was _him_.

The sight of him brought tears to her eyes; such emotion coursed through her that had her jumping to her feet. He was here, perhaps now she’d be able make him believe her.

“What are you trying to prove?” he asked.

“That I love you” such a simple answer.

“And why should I believe you” he countered.

“When I didn’t love you, you believed I did, and now I _do_ love you and you won’t believe me. What is your problem?” The tears tightened her throat and made her voice waver, but she looked straight into his eyes as she spoke, hoping he would be able to read her soul the way she seemed to be able to read his.

“I don’t want to be deceived again”

“Well, if I deceive you, you can shoot me” was the obvious answer. She wouldn’t expect anyone to forgive a betrayal even once; the fact he hadn’t shot her the moment he saw her was proof enough that he loved her.

“Shooting people, firing guns, killing people; don’t you know about anything except that?” the look in his eyes had softened, but she couldn’t quite parse it. Was it pity? Compassion? She didn’t deserve either; she didn’t _want_ either. All she wanted was for him to explain to her what she was feeling.

She could feel the tears spilling out of her eyes, mingling with the raindrops on her face.

“I don’t know anything else. But you do, don’t you? Teach me. Please?”

His eyes melted at her words; he seemed to finally comprehend what an immense step she had taken in coming to him. Stepping back, he threw the umbrella in the air and held out his arms to her.

After a moment of hesitation, she threw herself at him, attaching herself as tightly as she could.

Now that she had him, she was never letting him go.


	5. Kaali

He wanted to just stand there forever, holding her, away from the realities of the world around them. All the pain and anguish he had felt over the last few weeks all seemed to melt away as he held her close, knowing that she felt something for him. He never wanted to see her cry and yet her tears were like a balm to the wounds she had inflicted so recently.

Moment upon moment passed, neither of them willing to let go, but eventually the cold rain became too much to bear.

He started to pull away, then stopped as she clung even closer.

“Meera, we need to get dry. Come on, sweetheart, let’s go inside and get dry” he whispered, gently touching his lips to her wet hair.

She shook her head against his chest for a moment, then he felt her sigh.

“I know we need to move, but it just feels like everything will come crashing down around us if we go inside.” She drew away from him as she spoke, looking up into his eyes. “Don’t you wish it could just be you and me and no one else for us to think about?”

Kaali laughed as he turned towards the house, drawing her close to his side.

“Someday, sweetheart, someday. But right now, we need to get inside, get warm and then talk about what we’re going to do.”

Before she could start to worry, Anwar was opening the large glass doors to let them inside. Kaali saw him start to say something and gave a minute shake of his head. He didn’t want reality to intrude before it had to.  With a gesture, he indicated the fire and the table; he knew his friends well enough to know they would arrange some food and then make themselves scarce.

He guided her into his bedroom, leaving her standing in the middle of the room for a moment whilst he went to the cupboard to grab a couple of towels for her. As he closed the cupboard, he saw the two of them reflected in the mirror and almost laughed out loud; they resembled nothing more than a couple of drowned rats.

Holding in his amusement, he handed her the towels and gestured towards the en-suite bathroom.

“Why don’t you go and get warmed up, then we can talk” he suggested.

He watched as she bit her lip, clearly used to being the one taking charge, then she gave a little nod of her head and walked past him into the bathroom.

Only being human, he took a moment to contemplate her standing in his shower, then shook himself and moved to his chest of drawers.

He pulled out a loose grey hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He wasn’t a big man but he was still much larger than his lady love; she would drown in his clothes but they were better than nothing. Leaving them on the bed so that she would see them as soon as she emerged from the bathroom, he grabbed himself some similar clothes and went into the main living area.

Gratified to see the fire roaring and some plain food on the table, he grabbed the note Shakti had left for him as he went into the guestroom.

“Kaali, we’re glad things are looking better for you, but will you please get yourself fucking sorted out” was the succinct message his friends had left.

Chuckling, he threw the note to one side before walking into the bathroom and taking a short scalding-hot shower. Once he felt less like an ice-cube, he threw on his clothes and stalked into the living area.

She was already there, looking like a teenager sitting next to the fire in her outsize clothes.  The sound of his footsteps alerted her to his presence and she looked up; their eyes met and anything he had meant to say flew out of his head.

He walked over and crouched down in front of her, laying a gentle hand on her cheek.

“We’ll work it out, sweetheart. Somehow, I promise we’ll work it out”

Kaali walked back to the table and poured a couple of mugs of coffee before carrying them back to the fireside.  He put one mug down next to her before sitting down next to her. After a moments hesitation, he took a sip from his own mug then leaned over slightly so that their shoulders were touching. A moment later, her arms were wrapped round him and her head was resting over his heart.

“What do we do now?” she mumbled into his chest.

“Well, first we figure out what we want. Then we figure out how we get it. And then we live happily ever after”.

He felt her lips move against his heart as she smiled.

“If only it was as easy as you make it sound. Step one, step two, step three. But it’s not, is it? Not when I don’t even know what I should do or how I should act, or what you even want from me. I wish this was one of my operations, I could just plan it then execute it and know that it would turn out exactly the way I expect it to. But you are _not_ something I know how to deal with.”

By the time she finished talking, her smile had turned to tears. He sighed, then (putting his coffee to one side) he wrapped his arms around her and drew her tightly into him.

“I love you.”

“What does that even mean? How can you love me? How can I love you? We don’t even know each other? It doesn’t make any sense to me that I want to be so close to you. It scares me that I feel so safe here with you. It doesn’t make any sense to me that you don’t want to kill me after what I did. None of this makes any sense to me at all.”

“I love you”

“You said that. Explain it to me. Teach me.” She sounded so unsure, so unlike the confident femme fatale who had held a gun to his head that his heart hurt for her.

“I love you. That means that all I want is for you to be happy. If you’re happy with me, then I’ll keep you with me and I’ll kill anyone who tries to keep us apart. If you’re happy without me, then I’ll let you go.”  He put his hand in her hair and gently tugged so that she tilted her head back and looked up at him.

“I will never, ever hurt you. That’s what love means. I will never let anyone hurt you. I’ll burn the world to the ground to make sure you’re safe; that’s what love means.

“But if you ask me _why_ I love you, I don’t have an answer for you. You want to know why you love me; I don’t know how or why it happened, but you _do_ love me. I’ve looked in your eyes and I can see it.”

For a long moment, he stared into her eyes, hoping that she could see the depth of his feeling.

She laid her head back on his chest and he took a deep breath before he spoke again.

“Meera, I have never felt this way about anyone before. I have never needed anyone as much as I need you. I don’t have any more answers for you. All I know is that I want you in my life, I want you to need me that way I want you, and I’ll do anything I can to make sure that happens.”

They sat there quietly for a while, the only sound in the room the crackling of the fire.  He was struck by the absurdity of the situation, but despite everything, he was utterly content. He had the woman he loved safe in his arms and for that night at least, nothing would disturb them.

He had almost convinced himself that she was asleep when she finally spoke.

“There are only two people in this world who I know I love. My dad and my sister. The way I feel about you is _not_ the way I feel about them,” she let out a laugh before continuing “but I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I’ve never thought about myself in that way, to be honest. I’ve always known that my father would arrange my marriage to someone related to the business and I never really cared. I saw my parents’ marriage and that is exactly the type of marriage I expected. I’m twenty five years old and I’ve never thought about what _I_ wanted before.”

She was quiet for a moment, then he heard her voice.

“I want you.

“I want you. You’ll have to be patient with me, tell me when I mess up. You’re going to have to teach me a lot, but I want to learn. I want you. I want to be with you. I want to have you in my life, forever. Is that love? If that’s love, then I love you.”

She looked up at him again and said “Is that love?”

He looked into her eyes for a moment, then, pressing his lips to her forehead in the gentlest of kisses, he whispered "Yes".


	6. Kaali

They sat together quietly for a while longer, before the silence was disturbed by the most prosaic of sounds. Meera’s stomach rumbled loudly and had them both jolting upright before they realised what the sound was.

Their eyes met again and the absurdity of the situation suddenly struck them both; when she started laughing almost hysterically, he couldn’t help but join in.

“I’m starving,” she gasped through the laughter “It feels like I haven’t eaten for days.”

He saw it then; the fragility he had thought was purely emotional was clearly physical as well.  Standing slowly, he pulled her up from the floor into his arms. He gave her another gentle kiss on her forehead, and then turned her so she was facing the table.

“Your feast awaits you, my queen” he said, gesturing at the food his friends had left on the table.

After they’d finished eating, they gravitated back to the fireside. He sat on the sofa but rather than sitting next to him, she sat on the floor leaning against his legs.

Moving to sit next to her, he stopped when she laid her hand on his knee.

“Will you stay where I can’t see you?” she whispered “I want to tell you about me, but I don’t think I can do it if you’re looking at me.”

He stayed where he was, but left his hand gently stroking her hair as she spoke. In a emotionless voice, she told him the story of her life. The early years she covered quickly; it was as if she didn’t think there was much importance in telling him about her childhood. Even though he wanted to hear more, he stayed silent, letting her tell him whatever she wanted to.

When she reached her mother’s death, she leaned her head against his knee, seeming to take comfort from the physical contact. She hadn’t talked about her mother much even during her early childhood memories, but her father loomed large in every story.

As she started to talk about her late teens, when she had begun to work in the business, every sentence began with “my father”. Her father was clearly doting and indulgent, but only as long as she never put a foot out of line. It didn’t seem to matter to Meera how much her father controlled her; it didn’t appear that she had ever wanted anything for herself before Kaali came into her life.

Meera talked about her sister too; it made him smile to realise that they both had siblings who were so much younger than them.  He wondered for a moment if their siblings would get along, then concentrated on her words again.

She came alive, talking about the business. It was clear she was very good at what she did; Kaali knew it would be intriguing to see what they could accomplish if their businesses worked together rather than constantly fighting each others.

She’d been talking for about an hour when he suddenly yawned hugely. Stopping half way through a sentence, she burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry if I’m boring you” she giggled, as he tried to apologise. Looking up at the clock on the wall, she let out a surprised little sound when she realised that it was three o’clock in the morning.

“Kaali, we should get some rest, we both have lives we need to get back to.”

He knew she was right, but all he wanted was to stay there with to her for as long as possible. When she stood up from the floor, he grabbed her hand to stop her moving away. She turned towards him and he looked up at her, the two of them forming a picture perfect tableau in the glow of the firelight.

Meera lifted her free hand, cupping his cheek then stroking her fingers down his face. When her fingers reached his lips, they both stilled.

And then, very slowly, she trailed her fingers across his lips with the gentlest of touches, barely any real contact. It was enough to make him gasp and grasp that hand too, pulling both of her hands close so he could lay gentle kisses on her fingers.

He felt her freeze, and stopped. Without looking up at her, Kaali took a deep breath in then dropped her hands abruptly.

“Let me show you where you can sleep, it’s too late for you to go home now” was all he said as he stood up. Meera seemed to as shaken as he by that brief moment of contact; she silently followed him as he led her to his bedroom.

“Do you want something else to sleep in?” he asked softly, heading for the cupboard. When she silently shook her head, he grabbed a tank top for himself then turned to the door.

“I’m right outside if you need anything, ok?” was all he could manage to say as he stepped through the doorway; he was fighting the urge to stay with her, just to be near her while she slept, something he knew instinctively would be too much too soon.

As he pulled the door closed, he saw her standing there, looking defenceless in his too-large clothes. He lay down on the sofa, preferring to sleep where he could be nearer to her than the rather secluded guest room.  When he closed his eyes, it was that last image of her which followed him into sleep and haunted his dreams.


	7. Meera

After three hours of restless sleep, she woke to the sight of sun just starting to rise over the ocean.  She lay there for a few minutes, smiling a little as she snuggled into his bed.

His bed.

She was lying in his bed, in his room, in his house. If her father knew where she was...........

Cutting off that train of thought quickly before she had to start thinking about the consequences of her actions, she started to look round the room. There were two photographs on the wall opposite the bed, one of Kaali with Bakhshi and a young boy (probably his brother, she thought), the other of a beautiful smiling woman. The second photo was garlanded; was it his mother, she wondered?

Getting out of bed, she wandered over to look at the photographs; the boy was cute in the way pre-teen boys were, and from the body language in the photo she could tell that they were a close trio. The woman also looked utterly happy in the photograph, so happy that it was tragic to realise that she was dead. There was a slight curve to her belly; was that Kaali before he was born? The photo looked too recent for that.

Adding those questions to the long list she already had to ask him, Meera kept wandering round the room, looking at the laptop sitting to one side, the gun safe built into a wall, the large wardrobe that was full of clothes. She smiled at that; she should have realised he was a clothes horse.

It was a remarkably functional room, one she felt comfortable in.  She walked into the bathroom, spending a few moments sniffing his toiletries and his aftershave. Once she was done, she walked back into the bedroom, wondering if she should go out and see if he was awake.

She was vacillating near the window when she saw two men walk up to the front door and let themselves in. Realising they were going to find Kaali, probably wake him up, she hurried over to his wardrobe and started rifling through his clothes in the hope of finding something she could wear without looking totally ridiculous.

“Good Morning” his voice was the first indication that she wasn’t alone.

Her hand still on the wardrobe door, Meera turned to find him standing in the doorway, his ridiculous arms glowing in the sunlight pouring through the window.

Suddenly aware she’d been pawing through his clothes, she almost stuttered as she replied “Good morning”.

He smiled and she couldn’t help but smile in return; they stood there just looking at each other, grinning like teenagers until a voice from behind him called out “Kaali, we need to get going, will you please stop just standing there!!”

Casting a glance over his shoulder, he flicked a raised finger at whoever had spoken to him then looked back at her. With a small gesture, he asked if he could come further into the room; when she nodded, he stepped in and closed the door.

There was a strange sort of awkwardness between them now, a hesitation born of so many things felt and so little said. The wide grins of a moment ago had gone, but he smiled as he took in the sight in front of him.

Gesturing to the wardrobe, he asked “Is there something you wanted? I can probably find it if you tell me what it is.”

This time she did blush, “No, nothing. I just thought I’d see if there was something slightly less informal I could wear when I have to do the walk of shame out of your house”

His smile vanished.

“Shame? Is that what being here makes you feel? Are you ashamed that you came to me yesterday?”

He walked closer to her as he spoke, stopping when the wardrobe door was between them. Putting his hand on hers, he gave a tugged a little till she let go, then pulled her towards him.

Meera trembled at his touch, and shook her head quickly.

“No, I’m not ashamed. At least I’m not ashamed I stayed here last night. I am embarrassed about how I’ve pretty much thrown myself at your feet. Kaali, you must know that I’m not the kind of person who ever thought she would beg someone to love her. God, just saying it makes me feel sick. But I did. I did and I’m not ashamed I did, because I treated you appallingly and it’s only fair you get some of your own back...........”

She stopped speaking when he put a finger on her lips.

“Is that what you think I was doing yesterday, getting my own back? By making you sit out there in the rain, by refusing to listen to you when you came?”

When she nodded, he sighed and pulled her closer, then brought his hands up to cup her face.

“Meera, that’s not what I was doing, sweetheart. I swear it’s not. I was just protecting myself. I swear. You don’t know how much power you have over me, but believe me when I say you could destroy me. You _did_ destroy me that day. I’ve been broken since you held a gun to my head; it wasn’t till you told me you loved me that I’ve been put together again. Can you understand why I behaved the way I did when you turned up yesterday. I didn’t want to believe it was anything except another trick, in case you broke me even more.”

He sighed, and she wanted to say something, anything that would convince him that she would never hurt him again, but she couldn’t think of the words.

Instead, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, waited until he brought his arms around her too.

“Can we just start again? Pretend we went out on that date last night and I came home with you and nothing else happened in between? Pretend that I told you last night who my father was but you love me anyway?” she whispered into his chest. “Can’t we just pretend?”

She felt his lips touch her hair before he spoke.

“We don’t need to start again, sweetheart. You’re here. You love me, I love you. That’s all we need. Whatever it took to get us here, that’s all that matters. We’re here now.”

He pulled back a little to look down at her.

“But you’ve got to promise, you’ll never think I would do something to hurt you again. I told you yesterday, I’ll burn the world down to keep you safe. Never think I’d do anything to humiliate you.”

He looked so worried that she hastened to nod, leaning forward into his arms again. It was easier for her to talk when she didn’t have to look at him.

“I promise to try. I promise to always listen to your side of the story before I believe anything bad of you. I don’t trust anyone, Kaali, at least I’ve never trusted anyone except my dad before today, so it’s not going to be easy. But I promise to try.”

Leaning back, she smiled “Would you believe, this is the most I’ve ever talked about my feelings in my life. I think most people who know me don’t even think I have feelings!”

Before he could respond, there was a loud knocking at the door.

“Kaali, can we please get a move on? The Boss has been trying to call you for the last hour, can we please get going?”

With a sigh, he let go of her and stepped back.

“I’ll be there in 15” he called out, then looked down at her again.

She smiled “Duty calls. It’s alright, I need to get back home and figure out what I’m going to do too.”

Turning back to the wardrobe, she said “Will you give me something to wear?”

She felt him move, step up behind her and wrap his arms around her again.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered in her ear “how will I be able to concentrate if I have to think about you wearing my clothes?”

Laughing, she elbowed him gently; he reached past her and pulled out another t-shirt and sweatpants combination.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have much that’ll fit you” he said, giving her a look that made heat shoot through her body. “I hope this is ok”

“It’s fine. I’ll just take a quick shower then I’ll be out of your hair”

The feel of his body plastered along her back was very disconcerting; she wanted to turn around and hold him tight and never let go.  To stop herself doing anything so needy, she pulled away and started to walk to the bathroom.

“Sweetheart,” she heard, “This is just the beginning.”

With a shy smile, she stepped into the bathroom and pulled the door closed. When she came out fifteen minutes later, he had gone. The maid offered her breakfast, which Meera refused, then showed her to where her car had been parked.

Meera drove to her apartment, walked in and threw herself onto her bed. Picking up her phone, she winced when she saw the many voicemails and text messages that had been left over the last few hours.

She quickly rang her father and came up with a story which she hoped convinced him that she’d been with a girl-friend overnight and had been stupid enough to leave her phone uncharged. After the success of her ruse with Kaali (she winced as she thought about that), her dad was willing to allow her a little time to kick up her heels and celebrate. He probably believed she was out with an escort last night and was willing to let her have her fun.

With that crisis averted, she just lay there with random thoughts running through her mind until she heard her phone chime again.

Expecting it to be Raghav with some instructions from her dad, she grimaced as she picked it up. Her grimace turned into a smile when she saw the message.

“Can I come to your home tonight?”

God, she felt like a teenager, or at least what she thought teenagers probably felt like.

“Yes, as long as you don’t expect me to cook for you. I don’t cook” she sent back.

Ping. “I’ll bring take-out. But you’ll need to give me your address.”

“What, you mean you don’t have it already?”

Ping. “Will you kill me if I say I do?”

“I’ll think your people are worthless if you say you don’t.”

Ping. “I’ll be there at eight.”

With a laugh, she dropped her phone onto the bed and giggled giddily.

She had a date!


	8. Meera

Meera refused to turn into someone who sat around and did nothing but dream about her...........boyfriend? (Is that what she should call him?) She had things to get on with and that was exactly what she did.

She went to meet her father for their usual daily update of what was happening in the business and what she needed to do over the next few weeks.  It made her intensely uncomfortable when her father and Raghav started discussing the Bakhshis and Kaali specifically. It was clear from what they said that Kaali was the true head of the Bakhshi business empire, and her father wanted to concentrate on bringing him down somehow.  Malik was intensely disappointed that Meera’s success in retrieving the gold hadn’t knocked Kaali’s power-base more, but he was of the opinion that a few more set-backs would be all that it took to lead to Kaali’s ‘removal’.

It was the most intensely awkward hour she could remember, and that included the many hours she had sat outside Kaali’s house only the day before. The worst possible thing she could imagine would be if her father decided to concentrate his attacks on Kaali; she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from warning Kaali if he was in danger, and no matter how much he loved him, that level of betrayal wasn’t something she could stomach.

Meera spent the meeting redirecting her father’s attention to other matters. She convinced Malik and Raghav that Kaali would have gone to ground, that he would be in recovery or in hiding after the defeat she had dealt him and that it would be a waste of their resources to go after him.

It was a relief to her that she actually did believe what she was saying. No matter how much in love with Kaali she was, her loyalty to her father hadn’t lessened. If she had believed it was in the best interests of the business to go after the Bakhshis, she would have done it whilst doing her best to keep Kaali safe.

But she didn’t think the Bakhshis were the priority. The priority was expanding their business, moving into some legitimate industries, diversification. It was what she’d been pushing forward for some time now, and the situation with Kaali just added to her urgency. Meera knew she had grown up in this life, but she wanted something different for Ishita.

The meeting with her father finally finished at three o’clock with plans finalised for the next few weeks. She’d managed to give herself more of a supervisory role in this operation, which meant she would have more free time than before. Meera had told her father she wanted to spend some more time visiting Ishita, that Ishita needed her; perhaps he was still feeling indulgent after her recent success when he said she could take the time she needed.

Meera would have felt more guilt if it hadn’t been at least part of the truth; she did need to spend more time with Ishita and she would, but she would also have some time to spend with Kaali.

Kaali. Just thinking his name made her feel off-balance.  She went back to her flat and sat on the balcony, looking out at the ocean.

What did he expect from her? What did she want from him? Was there any future to this? How could she live if she couldn’t have him? There were nothing but questions zooming around in her head and no answers presenting themselves.

Meera sat there thinking about Kaali, about how little time she’d actually spent with him and how much she didn’t know about him. She loved him, but wasn’t love meant to be blind? Would she _like_ him when she got to know him? Meera hoped she would; she knew herself well enough to know that she would never be able to love anyone else (she wasn’t even sure how she ended up loving Kaali!) and if she ended up in a situation where she couldn’t like the one she loved, she was well and truly fucked.

With a sigh, she got up and looked around her apartment. He was going to be coming into her space, the first non-family member to be allowed in. What would he see when he got there?

She tried to look at it through a stranger’s eyes. She saw some pictures of her family, mostly Ishita. She saw a few comfortable chairs, her gun safe, a huge comfortable bed, a dressing table covered in jewellery and some makeup.

It was her; sparsely decorated, not many personal items but just enough to show that she lived there. Rather like his place, she supposed. Well, at least they had something in common.

Meera looked at the time; she had two hours before he arrived. Picking the few things that were out of place, she decided to make an effort. Grabbing her keys and purse, she wandered down to the local market, where she bought some flowers then thought about whether she should buy some food too.

It was galling to realise she had no idea what Kaali might like. Was he vegetarian (she doubted it), did he like Indian food or European? She had absolutely no idea. Meera selected some bread and cheese as well as some fancy coffee, all of which seemed safe enough options, then made her way back home.

She still had an hour left, so decided to primp a bit. Kaali may have seen her at work, he’d seen her at her worst too last night, but tonight was their first date; she wanted him to see her at her best.

It was also wonderful to realise (and believe) that it didn’t really matter what she looked like, he was going to think she looked perfect anyway.


	9. Kaali

Kaali stood outside the Meera’s building with a nicely packed hamper of food from his favourite restaurant, looking up at the window he knew was hers.

He had had a busy day dealing with some of the problems Meera had caused, a constant headache pounding behind his eyes as he tried to work out how he was going to make both parts of his life fit together.

But he had to do it, he had no other option. Life without Meera in it had been a torment when he knew she hated him; he had started to learn to live with that but it hadn’t been easy.

Contemplating a life without Meera now that he had held her close, had heard her say she loved him, had felt her touch, _that_ was impossible. If he had to change the world to have Meera, then he would. If that meant changing their business completely, going legitimate, whatever it took- he would do it.

Kaali had been thinking for a few months about the future, much earlier than Meera’s entrance into his life.

He had been thinking about Veer and about what both he and his father wanted for Veer’s future. Veer was like his mother; a truly good heart and soul. He would be completely unable to live the life his father and brother did. He would be devastated to even learn that his family were anything other than the simple businessmen he had always been told they were.

Kaali couldn’t bear the thought of that devastation in his brother’s eyes. He knew it weighed heavily on his father’s shoulders too, and that’s why he had been thinking about moving into more legitimate areas of business.

It wouldn’t be hard to do; he had made some plans, had Anwar and Shakti looking at some avenues they could take. Thankfully, his father had never taken them into the pharmaceutical industry or the entertainment industry. Those were areas he didn’t think there was any way he could cleanse his soul from. But thankfully, they were amongst the less despicable class of criminals (as was Malik) and he hoped that with a little time, he could get what he wanted for his brother.

The fact that Meera was Malik’s right-hand-man just meant that he had to speed up his schedule a little. He didn’t want to put her in a situation where she had to choose between him and her father; at this point he wasn’t sure who she’d pick and he’d just as soon not know the answer.

He had thought about what he was going to tell his father. His father had truly loved Veer’s mother, loved her so much that it had broken him when she died. He hadn’t looked at another woman since then, not even for a night.

It was strange to realise that even though there was no blood relation between them, he had inherited his father’s approach to love.  When he had been hanging upside down in that car, watching Meera walk towards him, when he had watched her stand there with a gun pointed at him, at that moment Kaali had looked inside himself and realised that he still loved her. He had lifted the gun and taken aim at her back, but he hadn’t been able to shoot her.

He knew that whatever happened, he would only ever love Meera. It probably wasn’t the healthiest attitude to love and life, for one person to be so utterly necessary to you; he knew that. But it seemed the old poets had known what they were talking about when they talked about a person who was the love of your life. Meera was the love of his life and there was nothing he could (or that he even wanted to) do about it.

He knew that Veer’s mother had been the love of his father’s life and that made it much easier to know what he would say to his father. He would talk to him soon, but he wanted to make sure he had all his plans in place before he discussed anything with him.

But that was a problem for tomorrow; tonight he was going to see Meera. And really, at this point, nothing else really mattered.


	10. The Date

When she opened her door to see Kaali standing there, Meera was glad she’d taken the time to primp a little.

He was dressed simply in a black shirt and black trousers, but it was enough to make her want to just throw herself at him again. She had never really felt particular physical attraction to a man; perhaps it was the way she had been brought up but men had always seemed rather distasteful.

Looking at Kaali now, she realised she was absolutely capable of feeling overwhelming physical attraction to a man, as long as that man was Kaali.

Thankfully the way he was looking at her assured her that he felt the same way. He was staring at her as if he wanted to ravish her right there in her doorway. It made her smile, though she felt slightly guilty. She had already made such unfair use of the power she had over him, and here he was, metaphorically throwing his heart at her feet again. Did the man have no sense of self-preservation?

Stepping close, she brushed her lips across his cheek, feeling his sharp intake of breath at her action. She stepped back and said “Welcome to my home”, then gestured to the little kitchenette.

“You promised me food and I’m starving” she said as she walked away from him.

Realising he hadn’t said a word, she turned back to find him achingly close to her. He’d left the hamper at the door, leaving his hands empty to pull her close. With the way he had been looking at her, she expected him to kiss her breathless; instead he wrapped his arms around her and held her close for a moment before laying a tender kiss on her forehead.

“Hello Meera. I missed you today” he whispered, before turning back to retrieve the hamper of food.

She watched as he started unpacking the food he’d brought, then realised she was still standing in the middle of the living area where he’d left her. Meera gave herself a shake (for goodness sake, he’d only kissed her forehead, get a grip woman!) then moved to help him.

“No, don’t worry about this, I’ve got it. If you grab some plates, we can start eating before it gets cold” was all he said, and she marvelled at the domesticity of the scene. She grabbed some plates and the two of them quickly shared out what he had brought.

“Well, at least I have an idea of what food you like”

She wanted to kick herself; could she have come up with a less interesting thing to say if she had tried?

But Kaali seemed to be suffering from the same awkwardness she was.

“I’m such an idiot,” he replied “I didn’t even ask what you wanted. Is this ok? Do you want me to get something else?”

His look of worry made her burst out laughing and relieved some of the anxiety she’d been feeling since he walked in. The man in front of her was just as unsure of how to proceed as she was, even if he probably had more knowledge of women than she did of men.

This was a brand-new experience for both of them, but they were in it together, for better or for worse.

“Its fine, I eat just about anything.  It’s just that even on our date you let me choose what we ate, so it’s nice to know something about you.”

Kaali smiled a little at her reference to that evening, then said “I like food. I can’t cook, mind you, but I do like food. Maybe someday I’ll learn to cook for you”.

She giggled at that “Maybe someday I’ll let you cook for me, but trust me when I say you’ll never want me to cook for you. I can burn water. I suppose we’ll just have to have a cook”.

His eyes widened at her words. She wondered why then actually thought about what she had just said. She blushed bright red (the first time she had probably ever blushed as an adult) and started to stammer out something when he brought his hand up to her cheek.

“I suppose we will just have to have a cook, but probably a housekeeper too. Neither of us are really the housework type, are we?”

His thumb was smoothing distractingly over her cheek as he spoke, his eyes gazing hotly into hers. She looked down, momentarily overwhelmed again at how quickly everything seemed to be moving between them.

“Meera” his voice was gentle enough that she looked up again.

“If I make you uncomfortable, you’ve got to tell me. Remember I promised I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you; well that includes making you uncomfortable. We won’t talk about the future yet, ok. We won’t talk about anything till you’re ready”.

His gentleness made her want to kick herself. As his hand started to drop from her face, she grabbed it and held it to her cheek.  

“No, it’s not that. I’m not uncomfortable thinking about a future with you. It’s just that everything is happening so quickly. This time yesterday I was sitting outside your house in the pouring rain and now we’re talking about our future household. It’s just a little disconcerting. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to think about the future, with you. I do.”

She turned her head to lay a kiss on his palm then dropped her hand away from his.

“I’m still hungry, you know. We better stop talking or we’ll never finish eating”.


	11. The Date continues

Thankfully the rest of the meal passed without triggering anymore emotional minefields. They managed to avoid any topics likely to be difficult, sticking instead to her (actually real) love of art, his love of cars, their younger siblings and what they got up to at school.

It was a relief to find that they had things in common, that they could sit down together and talk and laugh and just spend time together. This was what Meera had been worrying about, whether or not she would ‘like’ Kaali as much as she ‘loved’ him.

It seemed that she did.  She wondered what he was thinking.

Kaali was enchanted by the woman sitting opposite him. His heart had chosen well, it seemed. If he had ever spent any time thinking about the woman he wanted to spend his life with, he might have dreamed of someone like Meera.  Gamine, cheeky, gorgeous, brilliant in her work, she really was perfect for him. As they talked, he could also see that there were some aspects to her which were only a facade. She had clearly been aware of her attractiveness enough to be able to rely on it to ensnare him, but here- one on one – she was shy, sometimes hesitant and just awkward enough to remind him that she didn’t have much (if any) experience with men.

He liked her. It was a relief to confirm that it wasn’t just a miasma of lust which had influenced him into making such a fool of himself. It was a relief that he hadn’t spent weeks dreaming about a woman who he hated when he actually got to know her.

Once they’d finished eating, he stood to help her put the left-overs and dishes away. Noting her look of surprise, he realised that Malik was probably an old-fashioned Indian man who sat back and let his women do the household work. The presence of cooks explained why Meera didn’t know how to cook herself, but she had probably watched the stereotypical roles being played out when she was younger, before her father worked his way to the top of the tree.

It was another part to the puzzle in front of him.

“If you show me where the coffee stuff is, I’ll make some. Please tell me you’re a coffee person; I may just shoot myself if it turns out I'm going to end up with another tea person in my life,” was all he said.

She smiled a little, “I am definitely _not_ a tea person. Let me make the coffee, it’ll be quicker if I do it. I’ll bring it over when it’s done.”

“It’s fine. I’ll stay here. I like being near you.” He looked straight into her eyes as she spoke then smiled as she blushed and looked away.

Kaali watched her efficient movements, enjoying the way she moved. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss her, but he held back.

It was strange, especially for a man in his line of work, but for the last few years he’d hadn’t been with many women. He’d slept with so many women before Anjali (his stepmother) died that he couldn’t even count them all. He’d taken every advantage of his dad’s money, the places they went, the clubs and pubs and bars they visited. He’d treated them all well, or at least he thought he had, but there hadn’t ever been an emotional connection with any of them.

It was when he had turned twenty-three, and Anjali had fallen pregnant again that something had clicked in his head. A strange thing perhaps, to have your step-mother’s pregnancy be the thing that changed your attitude to life; but that was exactly what had made him stop and look at himself.

His step-mother had been the best person he knew; she had made their lives so much better simply by letting them be her family. She had come into his life when he was eleven, and he had watched as her presence changed Bakhshi for the better. Veer’s arrival had only strengthened the love he had for her; she was the one who had given him a brother, his baby brother who he adored.

When she and his father had told him that she was pregnant again, he had been overjoyed. Another sibling, maybe a sister.......... It wasn’t something he was proud of, but it had been the thought of having a sister that had started changing his behaviour to women. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought “If anyone treated my baby sister the way I treat women, I would dismember them”. He had stopped sleeping with anyone and everyone he could, almost overnight.

Then, one month before she died, he had a conversation with Anjali that had affected him even more. It wasn’t unusual for them to sit and talk when they could; he would catch her up with what was happening in the business and she would listen to him as he talked. But that night, she was the one who talked to him. She had told him about herself, and how she ended up married to his father. She’d spoken about her hopes and dreams for Veer and the little one who was coming, how she wished she would have a daughter.

And then she’d said “And you, Raj. I want you to be happy too. You’re my eldest, you’re going to give me a daughter-in-law far earlier than I can expect Veer to. Just so you know, I do have some expectations”.

He must have looked horrified at the thought of marriage because she burst out laughing.

“Not yet, don’t worry, I’m not expecting anything yet, but someday, in the future. I want you to have what I have with your father. I want you to have a family. I want my kids to play with yours. Isn’t it silly, I know it’s silly to have any expectation of normality with the life we live, but I can’t help but dream. But don’t worry; I’m not going to start asking your father if he has any alliances he wants to strengthen. Not yet. Maybe if you haven’t found yourself someone in the next ten years, but not yet”.

It had been the last time they’d talked like that. A month later, she’d been dead and the baby, a girl,  with her.

He’d travelled with Bakhshi to take her ashes back to India, taking responsibility for Veer when his father had been at his weakest.

And when he’d stood there, watching those ashes floating down the river, he had remembered her words.  The simple dream for some normality for them all. A hope for happiness for him. Such simple things were all she’d wanted.

In the six years since Anjali had died, he had been looking for the happiness she’d wanted for him, for Veer. He’d had brief relationships with women, but some had been ended by his inability to tell them the truth about his life, whilst others had ended because the women had been interested in being with ‘Bakhshi’s son’, not ‘Kaali’.

All in all that meant that over the last six years, he hadn’t been with many women. It hadn’t really troubled him; he hadn’t felt like anything was missing from his life.

But now he burned with desire. It was almost laughable how his libido has suddenly reared its head when Meera had walked into his life. Meera was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with; he had realised when she had betrayed him that if that betrayal wasn’t enough to kill his love then nothing else would. It was so utterly foolish but he knew he would never want another woman either. It was as if his heart had decided that Meera was the only one who could ever be what it needed and his body had agreed.

It was that overwhelming want which, paradoxically, made him want to be cautious. He didn’t know what experience she’d had with men, but he wanted to make every experience with him different. His body was clamouring for him to touch her and kiss her and take her, but he didn’t want to just fall into bed with her for a night of sex before they’d actually sorted anything out between them.

Kaali shook himself out of the daze he’d fallen into whilst watching her move around the kitchenette; the coffees were made and she was holding a mug out to him.

He took it and followed her to the sofa near the fire.

As they sat there, Meera’s sense of anticipation grew. Surely he would kiss her now. There was a pleasant heat in the base of her belly, a need for his touch on her skin and she knew she wanted him.

Meera had never slept with anyone before now. On her twenty-first birthday, her mother had taken her aside and quietly told her that she was free to do what she wanted, if she hadn’t already. Her father expected her to be discreet, to _not_ get pregnant under any circumstances and to not do anything stupid like fall in love. As long as she stayed within those rules, she could have her freedom. When the time was right, her father would tell her who she would be marrying, but till then she could do who and whatever she liked.

It had been the most awkward conversation of her life.

Surprisingly, she had never taken advantage of her father’s permission. The idea of buying herself a man had been distasteful, and she didn’t trust any of the other men she met enough to allow herself to be vulnerable in front of them.

And so there she was, twenty-five years old, and she had never wanted a man before now.

But she didn’t know what to do; should she just sit herself down in his lap and start kissing him? Would that do the trick?

She turned to him, only to find him looking at her.

“You told me a little about yourself last night. Do you want me to hear a little about me?”

Meera nodded, intrigued.

He put his coffee down and put his arm around her, drawing her closer to his chest as he started talking.

Kaali told her about his childhood, told her about Veer and Anjali, talked about his father. It was interesting to see how different his home life had been from hers. Clearly his step-mother had been a huge influence on him and it made her wish for so many things.

After a little while she drew her legs up onto the sofa and he started stroking her hair. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep and when she opened her eyes it was to the sun pouring in to her bedroom.

There was a message on her phone, which had been left propped up on her bedside table:

“Meera, you fell asleep and I didn’t have the heart to wake you. I’m out of the country for the next few days for business. Don’t worry, it’s not anything that would annoy you. I’ll call when I can, but till then, remember that I love you.”

His words made her smile. She whispered “I love you too, Kaali” and then felt unutterably foolish to be talking to herself.

Typing out a reply, “I love you too, come back soon”, she sent it and then got out of bed. She had a lot to do that day.


	12. The Proposal

The next few days passed quickly. Meera and Kaali were both busy in their respective business dealings.

It was unfortunate that Kaali’s trip was extended; he was away from Meera for several days. They didn’t speak in that time, neither of them had the privacy or time to make awkward phone calls. But they did send text messages, sharing little tid-bits of information about what they were doing.

Finally, eight days after he left, Kaali sent a message to say he was heading back and asking if she would come to his house when she could, it didn’t matter how late she would be.

A simple reply to say “See you later” was all she had time for; it was past eleven o’clock when she arrived at his house.

A man she recognised opened the door, another one of the waiters from that ‘date’ they’d gone on. He gave her a little smile and said “He’s just taking a shower” then walked out, closing the door behind him.

With a tired sigh, she walked further into the room, kicking off her heels as she made her way to the sofa. She was sitting with her eyes closed and her legs curled up on the seat when she heard the sound of a door opening behind her.

She didn’t move, didn’t open her eyes, but smiled as she sensed him walking towards her. A moment later she felt a touch on her cheek and the press of his lips on her forehead.

Meera’s eyes opened and she saw a broad expanse of glistening skin startlingly close to her. Surprised, she pulled back a little, only to blush as she saw the twinkle in his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, sweetheart. You just looked so comfortable that I didn’t want to disturb you.”

He sat down next to her and drew her close to him, leaning her head against his warm (and enticingly firm) chest.

“Do you mind if I just sit here with you?”

At the sound of his words, she smiled and he laughed as he felt her lips move against his skin.

“It’s been a long, hard week, Just one thing after another.”

As he spoke, his hand came up to smooth over her hair; the way he did it felt more intimate than a kiss.

She felt him move under her as he drew her closer and said “Does it make me sound too needy if I ask you if you missed me? Because I must confess, I missed you. I dreamed about you.”

Startled again, she looked up at him. Kaali was looking down at her with perfect sincerity on his face and  a look of such hot longing in his eyes that it made her feel weak.

Meera blushed (what was it with this man and making her blush?) and looked down then said “It’s been busy while you were gone. Plus I visited Ishu, she’s not really enjoying her school very much”.

“Does she hate being at boarding school? Veer does. He wants to be here with us, but it’s just not safe for him”

“She hates it. Keeps asking why we can’t live in India, even though she’s hardly ever been there. Its as if she sees it as this wonderful place where only good things happen and where we’ll suddenly become a happy Disney-style family.”

“God, can’t you just imagine when the two of them finally meet; they’re probably both going to fight all the time or they’ll grow up and fall for each other.”

They both burst out laughing before Kaali said “Veer is still in the ‘I hate girls’ stage, so it won’t happen for a while, but I know for a fact that the women in your family can steal a boy’s heart before he knows it; I might have to warn him to be careful a few years from now”.

His laughter died as he looked down at her again “If she’s anything like you when she grows up, he won’t be able to help himself. He’ll just start loving her and he won’t be able to stop.”

She couldn’t help herself; she leaned in to kiss him then jerked back as he pulled away. Gently moving her to one side, he stood quickly and faced the ever-lit fire.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, facing away from her.  He was holding himself tensely and his hands were fisting at his sides, as if he were stopping himself reaching for her. The firelight danced over the exposed skin of his chest and threw shadows on his face making him look distant and slightly intimidating.

Meera wasn’t intimidated. Getting to her feet, she stood next to him and leaned against his chest, a gentle smile on her face when his arms came up reflexively to hold her.

Without looking at him she asked “Why won’t you kiss me? I know you want to; I can feel it when you touch me. Or am I wrong?”

He turned towards her and pulled her even closer.

“I do want you, I do. But I don’t want to cloud the situation we’re in with sex. We need to figure out if we can work without all the madness there’s been since we met. We've gone through such a roller-coaster in this relationship. I’m sorry for this, sweetheart but I can’t help it but part of me feels that if I touch you and kiss you and have you the way I want you, I won’t be able to ever let you go. And you’re not quite as sure of me yet, not quite as much as I am of you. If I have you, I won’t be able to stop myself from keeping you anyway I can.”

She pushed away from him, and despite what he had just said he let go of her immediately.

“Do you really think you could stop me doing anything I wanted to? Really?”

She glared at him with real anger in her eyes.

“Do we really need to go over the history of our relationship? Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking I’m like your thousands of other women. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’ll ever let you control me. You’ve got to be absolutely clear on that Kaali, because I’ll be damned if I turn into some simpering trophy-wife just because I love you.”

For a moment there was absolute stillness between them, her utter sincerity thrumming between them.

Then he nodded and gave a rueful smile.

“If I ever dared to forget, you’d probably shoot me just to remind me. I won’t forget. Equal partners, sweetheart, we’ll be equal partners in life. And I think you just proposed to me, so......”

She looked at him for another moment, gauging his seriousness, wanting to make it absolutely clear that she was in deathly earnest. Then his words sank in and she exclaimed “WHAT?”

“You just called yourself my wife, that does sort of imply you want to marry me. Doesn’t it?”

Meera’s first instinct was to deny what he was saying completely, but she couldn’t force such an enormous lie past her lips, not even in jest.  She did want to marry him; she had said the words in anger but they were the absolute truth.

“Well, I do want to marry you” was what came blurting out of her mouth.

Meera had always thought of marriages being like the one her parents had. Cool, polite, disconnected. She had known she would have a marriage similar to theirs. But now, she knew that the type of marriage she wanted was the complete opposite to that. She wanted the whole world to know he was hers and she was his, forever. A commitment and a declaration for the whole world to know about.

When he stayed silent, a feeling of hurt fuelled by vulnerability began to grow inside her. It felt like she was the one forcing him into this relationship whilst he held back.

Just as her almost-forgotten shame started to come back to life, he stepped closer and closer to her, until their bodies were touching. His hands gently coming up to cup her face, he leaned forward and pressed the gentlest of kisses to her slightly parted lips.

“Please marry me, sweetheart. I don’t think I could live if you didn’t marry me,” he breathed, interspersing the words with further gentle, tender kisses.

After a moment, she was overwhelmed and she pressed forward into his arms, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

“I thought I would have to wait for months or years to persuade you to marry me, to be mine and let me be yours,” he whispered. “Say it again, say you’ll be my wife”.

She threw her arms around him and clung tightly as he said again “tell me sweetheart, you will be mine, won’t you?”

When she could finally speak around the lump in her throat, she nodded and murmured softly “I’ll let you be mine”.

He laughed joyously and said “Let me be yours then, forever.”


	13. The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

Just as their embrace threatened to become more heated, they were interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing.

Sighing, Meera pulled back, saying “I’m sorry, I have to take this, it’s my dad”.

Trying not to listen in on what was being discussed, Kaali went over to the fire and stood warming himself while she talked.  A few moments passed then he heard her say “Kaali, I’ve got to go. Dad needs me.”

He nodded. “Go, sweetheart. It’s fine. I’m not going anywhere. Just be safe, ok.”

She smiled a little at that, then turned and quietly left. He stood watching her drive away then went to lie down in his lonely bed. His dreams were filled with her, as they had been since they met; at least now they were much happier than they had been.

Over the next few weeks, Kaali and Meera spent as much time together as they could, though it was still less than they would have liked. Quiet dinners at his house, lunch dates at various restaurants around town, the occasional impromptu picnic with sandwiches bought from convenient delicatessens.

They were helped in their attempts to meet by his friends, the multi-talented duo who had been with him the night she had so impetuously turned up at his house. The two were clearly closet romantics, because they slyly helped Kaali to meet her as much as he could. Hardened criminals just like the men in her organisation, they were endlessly loyal to Kaali;  she could see he thought of them as his friends rather than just employees.

Despite everything, they had yet to make love. He still seemed to be holding back and she couldn’t work out why. It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to her, or that he physically couldn’t (not that that was something she really considered possible). She had been held tight against his body too many times to not have been able to feel the proof that he wanted her.

And yet, he just never took that final leap when they were alone together and she didn’t know why. Every time she tried to discuss it, he would change the subject and it was genuinely starting to worry her. Apart from that one thing, though, their relationship was developing wonderfully. It was a halcyon period in her life and she was almost perfectly happy. The absolute knowledge that they would be together, married, eventually, no matter what, that knowledge was like a stabilising force that ran through every aspect of her life.

After three months, Meera realised that he was waiting for her cue to move on. She had been the one who had been adamant that the fact that they were together needed to be kept a secret; she had cringed at the idea of her father finding out from his sources that she was ‘dating’ his main rival’s son.

However, the time had come. She had broken her father’s rule by falling in love, but surely he would understand. She would have to convince him of the benefits of joining the Malik organisation to the Bakhshi organisation, but having discussed the idea with Kaali, she knew it made financial sense for them to consolidate. All she had to do was tell Kaali that the time was finally right to bring their relationship into the open.

They were on one of their impromptu picnics. Anwar and Shakti had left them alone for a couple of hours, and Meera was sitting in front of a quaint little church with Kaali’s head in her lap.

“Kaali, I think we should tell our families about us. I don’t like the idea of them finding out from someone else”

“Yes,” he said “You are right. But, you know I’ll be able to persuade my father round to my way of thinking, but what about your dad? What if he thinks this is just a plan my dad and I cooked up to get back at your family?”

“He won’t,” she said confidently. “I’ll persuade him. After all, he doesn’t hate you as much as he loves me.”

Kaali smiled as he sat up.

In the years to come, he would often wonder what evil impulse had prompted his next words. He wished, over and over, that he could just go back and somehow stop the words from forming, stop his lips from moving.

But he couldn’t.

What he said was “Tell me one thing though,  what if this _is_ all part of a plan that me and my dad have cooked up to deceive you. What would you do if that was the truth?”

She paused for a moment, then looked him straight in the eyes and said

“Then I’d shoot you”.

Meera held his gaze for long enough for him to be able to see her absolute sincerity and willingness to go through with her threat. He could see in her eyes the woman who had bested him so thoroughly and in that moment he was reminded of the trust she had placed in him. He had the power to break her. It was almost more terrifying than his awareness of the power she had over him.

After a moment, he leaned forward and said “I would never, ever hurt you.”

She looked into his eyes for a moment more then smiled “I know.”

“So” he mused out loud “I bet if you came and met my dad with me, we would be much more convincing than I could be alone”

She burst out laughing, the tension of a moment dissipating as she giggled.

“Admit it, you just don’t want to face your father alone, do you?”

For a moment, Kaali wondered if he really needed to tell her, but then he remembered again how much trust she had in him and realised that only the complete truth would do.

“He’s not actually my father, you know.”

Meera gave him a shocked look, but before she could say anything he continued “The way he tells it, he had been with my mother a few times, when I was a baby. They were both starting out in the business, I suppose, contemporaries. He’s always been honest with me about it, he isn’t my father. He doesn’t know who is, but I was about 3 when they started sleeping together.

“She got killed, he’s never said how.  I think she was probably killed by a client and that’s why he won’t tell me. Anyway, he was the one who found her body one night, and I was there. He picked me up and brought me home and just started looking after me. He’s been my dad ever since.

“He told me when I was ten, when I asked him why I didn’t have a mother. Randhir Bakhshi is the only father I know. I had a wonderful stepmother, Veer’s mother, but I don’t know anything except the name of the woman who gave birth to me. I don’t know what she looked like or where she came from. I don’t know who fathered me.

“I wanted you to know, before we get married. Before we have children of our own.”

Meera was quiet for a while, then looked at him. All she said was “You don’t think you’re getting out of telling your dad about me just because of that, do you?”

Kaali laughed, “I’ve got one more thing to tell you and then you’ll know every single one of my secrets.”

She laughed out loud, “God, what now, you drama-queen? What could you possibly have left that you haven’t already told me about?”

He took her hands, giving her a mock-worried look.

“My name isn’t Kaali. It’s Raj. The only people who know that are my dad and Veer, and now you. Can you still love me?”

Meera started giggling uncontrollably and pulled her hands out of his grasp, smacking his shoulder hard.

“Oh my god, that makes it so much better. That is just perfect. Only you would prefer a name like Kaali rather than Raj. Only you.”

She was still giggling when Anwar and Shakti arrived to tell them they needed to get going, and as they dropped her off at her home.

Her smiling face was the last thing he saw as he drove away.

It was to be the last time he saw her smile for over fifteen years


	14. Randhir

The next day, as he sat with his father after dinner, Kaali contemplated how best to raise the subject of his relationship with the enemy.

He had been running over several scenarios in his head; some of them ended with him dead, some with his dad dying of shock in front of him, some with his father throwing him out of the house and the business. Only a few ended with his father agreeing to meet Meera, and even less ended with him agreeing to meet Malik.

Taking a deep breath, he finally opened with the (less-than-original) “Dad, I need to talk to you about something.”

His father smiled “Could it be the young woman you’ve been seeing for the last few weeks? I’ve been wondering when you would talk to me about her.”

At Kaali’s look, Randhir laughed.

“My son, you may be running things in all but name, but people still tell me things. I don’t know who she is, but I do know there’s something going on. Go on, tell me about her. You know I want you to be happy.”

Kaali stood up and walked over to the window, looking out over the moonlit garden. He started talking, telling his dad everything about Meera, starting from when he ran into her with the car. He went through it all, telling his dad that she didn’t have a lot of faith in love and that it had taken a lot to convince her to give him a chance.

After he had told the whole story, his dad said “It sounds like she’s a wonderful girl, and it sounds like you love her a lot.”

Kaali smiled ruefully “I do. I love her more than I realised was possible.”

He turned, facing Randhir.

“I’ve left out part of the story. I wanted you to know how much I love her before I told you everything. I need you to know that, apart from you and Veer, she is _the_ most important part of my life. There is very little I won’t do for her.”

Randhir met his eyes, saying “I can see that. What is it that you want to tell me?”

With a deep breath, Kaali began “The part I’ve left out is that Meera is Malik’s daughter. She’s the one who stole the gold back from us. She’s the one who put me in the hospital. When she stepped in front of my car, it was all part of a plan to make me fall for her. She’s Malik’s second-in-command, the way I’m yours. She is very very good at what she does.”

Randhir stood up, not quickly (his knees were too painful for that), but in a slow steady move that somehow filled Kaali with foreboding.

“You are telling me that this girl is Malik’s daughter. You want me to believe that Malik’s daughter has fallen for you and what? Wants to marry you?”

He stood in front of his son, still a powerful man despite the effects of age. “You want me to what, give you the go ahead to ally yourself with the Maliks? You want _me_ to ally with the Maliks? Just because of this girl?”

Kaali didn’t say anything, just nodded once.

Randhir inhaled sharply and looked intently at Kaali. After a moment, he turned away, looking out into the garden.

“You are my son, my son who has never asked me for anything before. You have never guided me wrong.  Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?”

His throat felt so tight he could barely get his voice to emerge, but Kaali managed to whisper “Yes”

Still with his back to Kaali, Randhir nodded then said “Alright. Bring your girl to meet me. I want to meet her before I make any decisions.”

With that, he turned back to his son “Kaali, you have always made me proud. You have always thought of your brother and me before you have thought of yourself. I want you to be happy. I’ll do my best to make that happen, even if it means I have to join hands with Malik. But be sure; be very sure it’s what you want. This is not a game; this is a matter of our lives, of Veer’s life. Are you sure you trust this girl with Veer’s life?”

Now completely unable to form words, Kaali nodded just once more.

Randhir sighed once more then said again “Bring your girl to meet me. Then we’ll see.”

With that, he walked out of the room, briefly resting his hand on Kaali’s shoulder as he passed him.

As the door closed, Kaali stood there, his throat tight with emotion. He knew how lucky he was to have a father who trusted him enough to believe his judgement of someone unknown.

Now he just had to hope that Meera’s father trusted his daughter the same way.

He sent Meera a message asking when she could come to meet his father. Within a few moments she had replied; her father was leaving the city for a two-day business trip that evening, so she could come the next day.

Kaali took a deep breath; everything seemed to be running full-tilt ahead, almost more quickly than he was ready for. But what was the point of waiting? Meera was right when she said that it would be undesirable for either of their fathers to find out about them from another source. Clearly, they hadn’t been as discreet as they had thought; if his father knew that he had been seeing someone, her father probably did too, which meant that they didn’t really have much time to play with.

Whatever was happening now, it was better than letting things drag out and risking their secret being revealed in a way that made it seem sordid.


	15. Randhir

 

Neither Meera or Kaali slept particularly well that night, while Randhir Bakhshi lay awake for hours thinking of Anjali.  What would she have said if she was here.

He turned onto his side and looked at the picture that sat on his bedside table; he knew what she would have said. She would have told him to do whatever he had to, to make sure that Kaali was happy. If that meant joining hands with his worst enemy, she would have told him to find a way to make it work.

And so that was what he intended to do, once he had met the girl and assessed whether she was serious or not.

The next morning, just before ten o’clock, Meera was driven up a long driveway towards an imposing mansion in the Bulgarian countryside. Shakti and Anwar had collected her from their usual meeting point; as Shakti pulled up in front of the house, Anwar jumped out and opened the door for her. She saw him exchange a look with Shakti as he started to guide her into the house and then they were inside.

Anwar guided her to a sunny conservatory, where Kaali was waiting for her. He whispered something in Kaali’s ear before leaving the room and closing the doors.

Kaali drew her into his arms and she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“He’s not an ogre, sweetheart. I promise. It’ll be fine”

Meera looked up at him, a worried look on her face.

“It’s silly, we’re both adults,” she said “We could both survive without our families. Hell, with the two of us working together, we could just start our own outfit and then take over our fathers’ businesses......”

He gave her an admonishing look

“What?” she said “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this overnight. I didn’t sleep. I’ve been thinking about all the ways this could play out. You know if we needed to, we could do it, and then we could see Veer and Ishita too.”

He gave her a look

“Meera.............”

“I know, I know, it won’t come to that. It’s all going to be fine otherwise we’ll run away together and live on a beach in Goa.”

He gave her another look, but before he could say anything, she heard a throat being cleared behind her.

Meera jumped away from Kaali’s embrace; the last thing she wanted was for anyone to think she was a clingy, needy bimbo.

Randhir stood near a small door at the back of the room, one that she hadn’t seen. She blushed as she saw him approach, angry with herself for having been so unaware of her surroundings.

It would have come as a surprise to her, used to her father’s cold emotionless way of parenting as she was, but seeing her clinging to Kaali actually made Randhir think much better of her than he was expecting to. The woman who stood facing him was poker-faced and in control of herself, but the girl he had seen clinging to his son had certainly seemed in love.

Kaali ranged himself behind the girl, making his father’s eyebrows raise. So, he trusted her to hold her own, did he? They would soon see.

“My dear, how lovely to meet you,” was Randhir’s opening gambit.

He watched as the girl threw a tiny glance over her shoulder at Kaali, then took a deep breath in.

“Mr Bakhshi, thank you for meeting me sir. It’s a pleasure. My father has often mentioned that he knew you back in Mumbai”

And so they began a verbal joust that lasted for what seemed an eternity to Kaali.

Eventually, with all three of them sitting at a table (surrounded by Randhir’s bodyguards who had arrived when the coffee did), he said “So, you’ve managed to convince me. But I know your father, he’s stubborn. He’ll never agree to this relationship”.

Meera looked at him, took a breath then stated “I’ll convince him.”

Randhir nodded then stood up; Kaali and Meera both followed suit. One of his bodyguards pulled the chair out of his way, and as he turned to leave he smiled just a little before saying “Meera, welcome to my family. My son loves you; make sure you never hurt him or you’ll have me to answer to, and if I’m not enough to worry you, Veer is even worse.”

She couldn’t quite manage a smile in return, but did manage to nod; as he left, she turned to Kaali and threw herself into his arms.

“Well, that wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. He seems nice, which is not what I was expecting after hearing my dad talk about him.”

Kaali had been silent for the whole time his dad had been talking to Meera, letting them draw their own conclusions about each other. He had decided before they met that he would let the two of them come to their own accord and then deal with whatever fall-out there was; it was better to let chips fall where they may than try and interfere and perhaps cause havoc.

He held Meera tight in his arms, relief almost making his knees weak.

She drew one arm back to thump his shoulder gently.

“What on earth was that? You didn’t say a single word the whole time he was here, you could at least have said something!”

“I didn’t need to,” he whispered in her ear “You had it all under control”

Drawing herself out of his arms she said “I’ll talk to my dad tomorrow, when he gets back. Let me tackle him alone and see what he says.”

There was something in him that didn’t want to let her leave, but she was walking towards the door with purpose in her stride.

“Are you in a rush?” he asked as she reached the door.

“I better get back before I’ve got to come up with another cover story.”

He looked at Shakti and Anwar, standing faithfully outside the door, knowing they would look after her. What was it that was niggling at the base of his brain, making him feel antsy?

“Call me later, if you get a chance”

She nodded distractedly as she walked to the car, her mind obviously already planning her strategy for her talk with her father.

He watched her car drive away, a worrying sense of unease sitting in his heart. He wasn’t sure what had triggered this dread in him, but something was making his hair stand on end.

Turning back to the house, he shook himself. Whatever it was, he and Meera would just have to deal with it, together.


	16. The End of the Beginning

The evening after her father returned from his trip, Meera asked if she could talk to him. It wasn’t simply a question of popping into his office for a chat, or sitting down with a cup of tea; instead meetings with her father were always formal. Though he was doting and indulgent in so far as he let her have what she wanted, pampered her materially and allowed her significant freedom, it was true to say that Dev Malik wasn’t a particularly warm or welcoming man.

This meeting was no different from many Meera had had with her father since her mother had died. Normally, meetings were to discuss work, or on a personal level to discuss Ishita. As Dev was paranoid enough to never meet with any one person alone, and as this rule extended even to his meetings with his daughter, Raghav was present as Meera sat down opposite her father.

Meera was direct and to the point as she spoke to her father. She had thought quite a lot about what to tell her dad without having to go into the details of how her relationship with Kaali had grown. The short version of the story she had decided upon hit all the major points in their story- their initial meeting as part of her ruse, her initial success in defeating Kaali, the moment he had saved her from falling over a cliff edge, her subsequent interest in him as someone who hadn’t taken revenge when he had his chance and eventually her realisation that he would be a good match for her.

She was careful to downplay the emotional aspect to their relationship, instead concentrating on her analysis of the benefits to the Malik and Bakhshi organisations joining together, and portraying her desire to marry Kaali more in terms of empire-building than a simple marriage.

Meera knew her father wasn’t a fool and also that Raghav would be extremely sceptical, but at least by portraying the matter in this way, she had the best chance of persuading him.  She hoped that her father was a good enough businessman to realise the benefits to at least a truce if not a full merger.

When her father gave his agreement to meeting Kaali and his dad, she was overjoyed, though she was careful to maintain control over herself until she was safely behind her closed bedroom door. She sent Kaali a message, saying that her father had agreed to meet him and his father, then sat back and smiled.

At that moment, there was a knock at her door. It was Raghav.

“Meera, your father has a few conditions regarding the meeting. Give them this letter, and once they’ve agreed, we’ll go ahead and formalise everything. Let me know when you hear from them.”

He walked away, leaving her standing in the doorway holding an envelope. After a moment, she gave herself a shake and looked at the envelope. It wasn’t sealed, which meant her father didn’t mind her reading it.

She opened it and quickly read through the letter, written in her father’s distinctive handwriting.

The letter was brief and to the point.

“My old friend Randhir,

It seems your son and my daughter are determined to make us meet. The date and time are for you to decide; I have chosen the venue. The Museum Cafe on Russia Street, whenever you choose. Just you and your son. 

We can discuss how best to make our children happy.

I look forward to seeing you after so many years, my old friend.

Dev Malik”

Meera send Kaali another message, saying she had a letter for his dad; within minutes he sent a message back saying that he had to take care of some business that evening, but that Shakti would come to collect the letter later; could she make sure her security guards knew to expect him?

At eleven o’clock that night, the gate security-men rang to tell her the men she was expecting were here. She grabbed her robe and ran to the front door.

The guard at the door saw her coming and opened the front door; the gate-guards must have alerted him. As she stepped out, a car drew up and stopped in front of her; she waited as the occupants emerged.

To her surprise, Kaali walked towards her; casting a glance at all the watching security guards, she didn’t even smile, just quietly walked towards him holding out the letter.

He looked at her as they reached each other, worry and affection clear in his eyes.

“I didn’t think I would be welcome here yet, that’s why I didn’t say I was coming. Are you ok? Your dad wasn’t too angry with you?” he spoke quietly to avoid being overheard.

Meera shook her head very slightly “No, he was fine. Much better than I expected. I just want him to meet you now, I know it’ll make the whole situation better. He’ll understand.”

He almost smiled as he took the letter from her “You have such faith in my ability to make your father like me.  I hope it isn’t misplaced.”

Before they could say anything else to each other, Anwar gently cleared his throat, reminding Kaali that they needed to get moving.

Kaali took a step back from her, saying simply “Mr Bakhshi will be in touch with your father soon”.

A strange tension filled her as he turned away and she almost stepped forward to call him back; she stopped herself and instead stood watching as the car drove away.

Over the next few days, the Malik and Bakhshi teams both arranged for the meeting in different ways.

Though Meera knew nothing about it, Dev Malik arranged an ambush; he was determined to end Bakhshi for once and for all. If his daughter was foolish enough to think she had fallen in love with Kaali then that was something she would get over soon enough once that upstart was dead.

The Bakhshis on the other hand were making much more pleasant preparations. Randhir talked to his son about changes he might want to make to the house, what kind of wedding he had thought about and whether he had told Veer about Meera. They even spent time reminiscing about Anjali, with Randhir sharing some fond stories about how hard it had been to placate her when he had done something stupidly dangerous (which had been often in those days).

Randhir’s chosen time arrived 5 days after he received Malik’s letter.

The Malik party arrived first; Dev had already told Meera that he wanted to have the initial part of the meeting without her, saying he wanted to have a chance to form his own opinion of Kaali without her around. She had wanted to argue, but decided it was not a battle worth fighting. She went and sat in one of the many private rooms in the historic building, waiting to be called into the meeting.

Kaali and Randhir arrived at the Museum Cafe at the designated time and walked in. Kaali looked around as he walked in, his tension growing with every step that he took.

When Malik revealed the actual motivation behind agreeing to the meeting and the attack began, Kaali could do nothing but fight for his life. Some minute part of his brain was going over and over how catastrophically different this was to what he had hoped, his heart breaking as he killed attacker after attacker and watched his plans for the future die with them.

He barely had a moment to take note of what was happening to his father, trusting Randhir to take care of himself for the time it took Kaali to take care of Malik’s goons.

When he finally managed to look over, it was to see his father and the father of the woman he loved standing with guns pointed at each other’s hearts.

Desperation filled him as he began to run towards the pair, a silent plea in his heart that his dad would survive the confrontation that was happening only because of him. As the gunshots rang out and he saw his dad’s body jerk back, he couldn’t stop a shout leaving his lips “Dad”; he continued to run towards the two men as they shot and shot and shot at each other, their bodies absorbing bullet after bullet as hate kept them standing just long enough to destroy each other.

Kaali reached his father just as the damage was finally too much; his body started to fall back and Kaali tried to catch him, taking the gun from his hand as they dropped to the floor.

And that was what Meera saw as she ran in, alerted by Raghav’s call that the situation was earth-shatteringly different to what she had imagined.

Her world collapsed as she saw her father lying dead on the floor, Kaali holding the gun that had killed him.

How could she have been so stupid? Of course he had never loved her, this had been nothing but a huge con designed to get to her father.

She stood there and watched as Kaali lowered his father finally out of his hold, his gun arm still outstretched as it had been when he shot her dad. He hadn’t noticed her yet, and she took a moment to revel in his pain; at least he knew the pain of losing his dad too, at least she wasn’t the only one to suffer.

The pain roared through her, overwhelming her. How could this be happening? How had he been so wrong?

He turned, finally seeing her. Their eyes met for a moment and then she looked back at the gun he was holding. His eyes followed hers and he saw what she was looking at.

For a moment, she could see him start to think of a way to explain what she could see; she almost wanted to see what lies he would come up with, how he would try and persuade her that the evidence of her own eyes was wrong. There was a part of her heart that was bleeding and weeping and begging for something to ease the pain and she almost gave in, almost. She almost gave him a chance to give her an excuse as he stood and looked at her.

Kaali stood there, his world falling to pieces around him. His dad was dead, his dad was dead and he was standing there with a gun in his hand and no idea what to do. How could he tell Meera that this was her father’s doing, that her father had used her as a pawn to defeat an enemy rather than considering her future?

How could he prove to her that this wasn’t something he had planned, when he stood there with the gun that had killed her father held in his hand?

What words would convince her that he was as innocent as she was in the entire tragedy? Could he think of any? If he spoke, could he convince her of the truth?

But he didn’t speak and in that deathly silence, her rage overwhelmed any rational thought in her mind. She drew her gun.

They stood there, eyes locked; hers filled with hurt and rage and devastation, his filled with love and understanding and forgiveness. He had nothing left in him but love in that moment; he knew the only way to stop her from shooting was to hurt her himself and he couldn’t do it.

He stood there and watched her prepare to shoot him, saw the devastation in her eyes and knew he deserved nothing but pain for allowing everything to happen in this way.

If only he could have foreseen this..........

Pain shot through him as the bullet hit; his last sight was of her and he carried that picture into the darkness as he fell.

Meera saw him die and with him, her heart died too. Her knees gave way and she crumpled to the floor, the tears falling from her eyes as she looked at her father’s body lying in front of her. She could do nothing but look from his body to Kaali’s still form lying there.

The pain exploded from her as she screamed out, a cry of agony and despair that left her empty. She couldn’t move, could do nothing except weep as every hope and dream lay broken on the floor in front of her.

 


	17. Meera

Minutes passed and nothing moved in the room. There was nothing to be heard except Meera’s agony-filled sobs.

An eternity passed for her before she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Meera, we have to move. We have to go, now.”

Raghav stood behind her, one arm hanging uselessly at his side with blood dripping from it.

“Meera, come on, we have to go. Our men are coming, we have to go”

She let him pull her up, as pliant as a doll as he dragged her into the atrium of the building. Their men rushed in, hesitating as they saw her.

Meera could hear Raghav’s voice; he was telling the men to retrieve her father’s body and bring it to the house. The other bodies could be left there; they were nothing but hired fighters, and of course the Bakshis didn’t matter.

She was pulled along, manhandled into a car and then mercifully left alone as the car began the drive back to the house. Even once they reached their destination, she could barely move under her own power; Raghav directed one of their longest-serving men to help her back to her room.  The man respectfully guided her to her room and watched as she walked inside, then quietly closed the door behind her.

Meera stood just where she was for a few minutes then took a step forward as if towards her bed; she caught sight of herself in the mirror opposite and that image was all it took to send her to her knees. She curled over herself, the pain making it hard to breathe for what seemed like hour upon hour.

She wished for death to take the pain away, wished for oblivion, wished that she had driven over the cliff edge rather than let Kaali save her and worm his way into her life.

The same thoughts kept running through her mind over and over and over: how could she go back, how could she stop this from happening, how could she turn back time and bring her dad back, all of the things she could have done differently to stop this from happening.

An image of Kaali kept flashing in front of her eyes, the way he had looked when she had been unable to shoot him. In her mind’s eye, she took that shot; killed him as he hung upside down in his ruined car, walked away leaving his corpse suspended from his seat-belt. Why hadn’t she killed him then, why had she fallen for his act, why had she been so gullible?

She was unaware of the passing of time, with no care for the fact that she sat there as day turned to night and then as night turned to day. Hour upon hour passed until finally the door to her room was pushed open and Raghav walked in.

He crouched down beside her, pity in his eyes mixed with guilt; she couldn’t see it but he knew exactly how much he was to blame for the situation they were all now in.

“Meera, come on, let’s get you up off the floor.”

As he spoke, he wrapped his hand round her elbow and virtually lifted her off the floor. She was as unresisting as a doll as he led her towards a chair near the window.

“Meera it’s been more than twelve hours. I know you need to grieve, but I need you to make some decisions. Just listen to me for a few minutes, tell me what you want and I’ll leave you alone again for a while.”

She sat there as if she hadn’t heard a word he said but he persisted.

“Meera, what shall we do about Ishita?”

At the sound of her sister’s name, there was a spark of life in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“Ishita” she said “I need to tell Ishita”.

“Yes, you need to tell her” he agreed “But you can’t tell her like this. She’s still a baby, you’ve got to be strong for her.”

“Ishita needs me.” As she said the words, he could almost see the life starting to come back into her eyes.

“Ishita needs me. I have to be strong for her sake. It doesn’t matter about anything else, I need to be strong for Ishita”

Raghav gave silent thanks as Meera stood up, the thought of her sister clearly giving her some much needed sense of purpose.

“Raghav, I need to get dressed then I’ll go to Ishita. Everything else will wait for a few hours. When I’ve seen Ishita, then I’ll be able to talk to you about everything, but I need to see her first”.

She wasn’t as coherent as he would have liked, but she was up and moving; he would take what he could get.

“That’s fine Meera. You get dressed and then come downstairs. I’ll be in the office.”

“I’ll get dressed” she repeated, then shook herself visibly.

“Yes, I’ll get dressed and then meet you downstairs. Will you make sure there’s a car ready to take me to see Ishita please?”

He nodded and left the room, door shut behind him.

Alone, Meera stood there for another short while, using the control she had mastered over many years to push all emotions down and close a lid over them. Once she had herself under control, she moved around the room, shedding her clothes, carefully selecting new ones, brushing her hair before she entered the bathroom to take a shower.

As the water ran over her body, those locked down emotions threatened to bubble to the surface with tears filling her eyes. She carefully and deliberately locked away anything that would weaken her, standing under the water until she had perfect control of herself.

The Meera who came out of that bathroom was the same Meera who had so successfully defeated Kaali in their first battle, the heartless scion of the Malik family who didn’t love anyone except her sister. 

It was that same emotionless Meera who was to exist for the next fifteen years.


	18. Kaali

_Two weeks later_

“Mr Bakhshi, you have been very lucky. That bullet collapsed your lung and came very close to hitting your heart. You are very lucky to be alive. It’s only because your friends got you to the hospital as quickly as they did that you’re haven’t suffered any permanent damage.

“Now, let’s talk about what you should expect over the next few weeks. You’re young and fit, which will help your recovery, but you need to be sensible and not push yourself too hard.”

Kaali listened with one ear as the doctor proceeded to talk. He knew he should be paying more attention, but his mind was whirling and he just couldn’t concentrate. Kaali could see that Shakti and Anwar were listening with complete seriousness and knew he could rely on them to tell him what he needed to know.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since he had accepted that his life was forfeit. Two weeks since he had let Meera shoot him with no expectation of surviving.

And yet, he had survived. He had woken to a world initially filled with pain and more pain, but over the last week he had begun to recover, at least physically.

His mental disquiet was, however, only increasing. Waking up in an Intensive Care Unit, remembering his father’s death, hearing from Shakti and Anwar about what had been happening whilst he had been unconscious, worrying about Veer- all of these things had been keeping his thoughts in a whirl. Underlying all of these thoughts was a constant thrum of pain and loneliness. He missed Meera; he felt her absence like a constant dagger in his heart. The worst thing was, he knew that this was a pain which was never going to go away. She would never come back into his life. He would never hold her or touch her again; he would never be able to hear her voice or smell her perfume.

When he was alone at night, his mind was filled with memories of her; the pain in his wounds made worse by the longing which filled his heart when he thought of her.

The doctor was still talking, telling him about his expected recovery; whilst trying to respond at the appropriate junctures, Kaali couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the conversation he had had that morning with Shakti and Anwar.

She had gone. Meera had gone and none of his people had been able to find out where. He wanted to talk to her but he would never have that chance; he knew he could look for her, search the world for her, he could even find that worm Raghav and force him to reveal where she was.

But could he do that to her? Could he walk back into her life, destroy her all over again and somehow try to rebuild their relationship?

He knew it was possible. Kaali wanted nothing more than to find her and persuade Meera that he was innocent of what she blamed him for. He had the resources to find her and go to her and tell her the truth.

But he wouldn’t do that. His guilt wouldn’t let him. His regret wouldn’t let him. His grief wouldn’t let him. How could he go chasing after Meera again when he had Veer to think about and the remnants of his father’s business to sort out? How dare he chase after his happiness when that desire for Meera had led to his father’s death?

How could he think of his own wishes when that selfishness had led to the death of the man he owed everything to? He should have known that Malik was giving in too easily; he knew the man was a snake but somehow he should have known that he didn’t care about his daughter’s happiness, he should have known that love would never be something that Malik cared about.

Kaali cursed himself as Shakti started talking to the doctor, still brooding over his mistakes. How could he have been stupid enough to walk into an ambush like that? He hadn’t even thought to assess the place Malik had chosen, hadn’t sent someone in to check it out. It was as if he had felt shielded by Meera’s love. Well, he may have been shielded, but his father hadn’t been and it was his father who had paid the price for his arrogance.

So now, he would do penance for his sins. He would let Meera live her life without him, leave her to grieve for her father and then move on with her life. She thought Kaali was dead; she thought she had killed him and avenged her father. Who was he to destroy her peace of mind all over again?

No, he decided. He would give Veer the life his father had wanted for him and give Shakti and Anwar the peace they so clearly wanted. He would extricate himself and the three people depending on him from the criminal world and make a new, safe life for them somewhere far from here.

As for himself, well, he had his life. He was alive. He would survive, alone. He would always be alone.

He would live without attempting to find Meera. That was his penance and his punishment for the pain and suffering he had instigated.

Life without Meera would be hell on earth, and after all the anguish and loss he had been the cause of, it was all he deserved.


	19. Kaali

Kaali was released from hospital a week later and told Veer about Randhir’s death as soon as he could; by then, Randhir’s body had been cremated and all that was left of him was an urn of ashes. Veer was devastated; though Kaali left him in his boarding school, he began to have problems and Kaali knew that underlying all those problems was the grief and bereavement of losing his father.

It took him a couple of months of dealing with Veer’s problems before he was able to recognise how badly grief had affected his own thought-processes. Looking back at the choices he had made immediately after Randhir’s death, he knew that it was the disordered thinking caused by grief which had led him into self-pity, and it was self-pity which had led him to make the decision to not try to find Meera.

What a fool he had been. What an idiotic decision he had made to say that she would be better off without him. How had he dared to make such a huge decision for her; who was he to decide that she was better off not knowing all the facts? Who was he to decide what she would or would not be able to bear to hear about her father? No one knew better than him what a strong woman she was, and yet he had decided in his self-pitying state that he would protect her from that knowledge. Protect her? No, he hadn’t protected her. He had been weak and in those moments of weakness, he had made a decision which had been disastrous.

By the time Randhir’s death was three months in the past, Kaali had realised what a huge blunder he had made in not even attempting to look for Meera. The tragedy was that by the time he began sending people to find her, it was too late. The trail had gone cold. The Malik business had been taken over by Raghav, and Raghav’s people had absolutely no information about Meera or her younger sister.

It was as if they had vanished from the face of the earth, and Kaali spent more than a few hours desperately wondering whether Raghav had killed them both simply to make his take-over of the business easier.

Despite increasingly desperate attempts, not a drop of information came his way. Kaali was on the verge of blowing his cover and contacting Raghav himself to beg for any information Raghav would give him at one point; Shakti and Anway were only able to stop him by reminding him that he had vowed to keep Veer safe and that he wouldn’t be able to do that if he got himself killed by people who still blamed him for Malik’s death.

He began drowning his sorrows in any way he could. Whisky, vodka, rum and more whisky; he consumed bottle after bottle after bottle in an attempt to scrub his memory but nothing worked. He saw Meera in every alcohol-soaked dream. In some of them, they were happy together, but in most of them she was dying in his arms or lying in front of him soaked in blood. His regrets were threatening to overwhelm him, and his friends watched him with ever-increasing worry.

It was only when Veer finally got suspended from his school for fighting that Kaali finally pulled himself out of the bottles he had lost himself in. Veer needed him to be more than an alcohol-soaked wreck; he needed him to be an older brother who would try and compensate for the loss of a much loved father.

Veer’s suspension from school ended six months after Randhir’s death. In the time he had spent with Kaali, the two of them had talked about what was going to happen. Kaali had broached the idea of moving to somewhere quiet, just their small group of five (the older trio, Veer and Siddharth, Shakti’s younger brother). Veer had been more enthusiastic than Kaali could have hoped; it seemed he wanted nothing more than to leave the school that now felt like a prison and live with his brother and his friends. He had never  been a particularly academic child, enjoying sports more than anything else; after spending time with him, Kaali realised that Veer would be much happier at a smaller school than he was at the over-achieving centre-of-excellence he was currently attending.

And so it came to pass that Veer and Siddhu went back to their school with the knowledge that soon their brothers would be relocating and as soon as they were settled, Veer and Siddhu would be joining them.

With the two boys safe in school for the time-being, Kaali and his two side-kicks went about erasing the last vestiges of the Bakhshi business. The cash they had gathered was transferred into off-shore accounts, houses and warehouses sold, men quietly guided into other businesses.

All of this took time; by the time they were done, it had been nine months since Randhir had died.

They had decided on Goa as the place they were going to move to; it wasn’t a place any of them had any links to and not a place anyone would think of Kaali Bakhshi moving to.

The three friends had sat down and thought about what they were going to do with the rest of their lives. For three men in their early thirties, they had experienced more than most people did in entire lifetimes. They had seen violence and anger and ugliness through most of their lives and at the last, they had seen the true cost of living that way. Most people in their business died before they ever got to a point where the violence became too much; Kaali had never met anyone who had even wanted a different life.

And yet the three of them did. In all truth, Anwar was the one who kept driving things forward in the beginning, whilst Kaali was drowning his sorrows and Shakti was busy trying to keep him afloat. He was the quietest of the three friends and (though fierce and brutal fighter when required) he was the one who least enjoyed the violence required in their line of work. It was Anwar who had realised that they would need something to occupy themselves.

Anwar had come up with the ideas that the three friends eventually decided to implement; Kaali would put his love of cars into use and take over a small garage that Anwar had found for him in Goa.  Shakti and Anwar would take over a small cafe and hotel which happened to be adjacent to Kaali’s new business and the three of them could live in the neighbouring interconnected houses.

Once Kaali had recovered from the initial shock at the idea of being a small-business owner, he realised the advantages to Anwar’s idea. Each of the small businesses would be ideal for laundering their stashes of money through; they could live as they wished and it was unlikely that any of their enemies would ever think that he would willingly live in such lower-middle class surroundings.

Even if they could only tolerate living that way for a short period of time before moving on somewhere else, it would be enough to give them some breathing space.

It was strange how this experience had actually solidified the three friends into a permanent group. Before, Kaali had been the employer, the acknowledged leader of the trio. However, with all of the turmoil he had been through, he had relied heavily on his friends, and the relationship had become much more equal. He was still the one who both Shakti and Anwar were willing to defer to, but he found that the decisions he was making were heavily influenced by what the other two thought of them.  It seemed only natural that the plans they made allowed them to stay close to each other, each man a source of stability for the other two in their little found-family.

Eventually, their plans were complete and the properties purchased. New identity cards, passports, birth certificates, bank accounts and every other possible piece of paperwork they could think of was ready and available for them to collect when they put their plans into action.

They had decided that they would need to fake their deaths. Whilst it seemed unnecessarily melodramatic, the three friends knew that it was the easiest way to discourage people from looking for them (though it was inevitable that someone eventually would).

An explosion, two destroyed cars, some burned organic material (they had used some animal corpses) and they were on their way. Veer and Sidhu were removed from their school by their ‘grandmother’ who recalled them to India; they were handed over to an airline staff-member by a school-teacher and that staff-member (who was well paid for his trouble) handed them over to their brothers at Delhi airport.

And so, the five members of this motley group collected their paperwork from the forger in Delhi, did some shopping in Mumbai and then drove down to Goa, ready to begin their new lives.


	20. Meera

Six months after her father’s death, Meera Dev Malik returned to India for the first time in twenty two years.  She spent a week in Haridwar doing what needed to be done; her father hadn’t been at all religious but she remembered that he had brought both Ishita and herself to India to complete funeral ceremonies for her mother and she could do no less than that for him.

The six months since her father had died had been spent extricating herself from his organisation and liquidating all the assets that she and Raghav had agreed were rightfully hers.

Raghav had been a true friend. From the day he had told her that she was like a sister to him, he had lived up to his words. He had handed over fifty percent of those assets which were easy to liquidate; by the time everything was said and done, she had enough money in Swiss bank accounts to ensure that she and Ishita could live well for the rest of their lives.

Whilst everything was being finalised, Meera had stayed in her apartment and Ishita had stayed at school. One of her hardest tasks had been to go through her parent’s belongings and decide what needed to be disposed of. Clothes, books, _things_ ; there were just so many things. It took over a week for Meera to sort through everything; she resolutely stifled her grief and discarded most of what she found. For Ishita’s sake, she kept all her mother’s jewellery and a few of her father’s tie-pins and cufflinks. Everything else was either destroyed or distributed amongst members of the organisation; the house and its furnishings were sold.

Five months after her father died, Meera was almost free and clear of the life she knew. She went to visit Ishita at her school; it was clear that Ishita was happy there, finding the stability reassuring after losing both her parents. Meera had thought long and hard about whether she should take Ishita to live with her, wherever she eventually ended up living. During that visit, she made her decision; it would be cruel to rip the little girl away from secure surroundings. She was only eleven years old, what kind of life would Meera be able to give her when she didn’t even know what she was going to do with herself.

Ishita was a sensible little girl, calm beyond her years. Meera sat her down and talked to her, explained as much as she could without revealing any of the truth about what their family had truly been involved with and then said

“Ishu, you like it here, don’t you?”

At Ishita’s nod, she said “Ishu, can you stay here? I don’t have anywhere for you to live yet, nowhere where we can live together and be a family. If you can bear to live here for a little while longer, then it’ll give me a chance to work out what we are going to do. Can you stay?”

Ishita looked at her sister. She was only eleven, but she had lost both her parents and that had a way of making a child older than their years. She couldn’t tell what it was, but she knew that something had changed her sister. She could tell her sister was sad in a way that she couldn’t understand or help with.

And so she did the only thing she thought she could do to help; she did what her sister wanted her to.

“Meeradi, I’ll stay here. I’ve got lots of friends and everyone has been really nice to me since Dad....... Don’t worry about me. I’m fine here. As long as you come to see me as often as you can, I’ll be fine. Just promise me that you’ll come and visit.”

Meera hadn’t cried since the day her father died, but she couldn’t help the tears that formed as her sister spoke. She blinked them away then said “I’ll come and visit as much as you want me to. I’ll be at the end of the phone whenever you want me, and as soon as I can, I’ll find somewhere for us to be a family. I just need a little time.”

She pulled her sister into her arms and held her close, guilt and regret rising inside her before she slammed the lid on her unruly emotions again.

“I’ll come back for you. As soon as I can. I’ll be back.”

A month later, Meera arrived in India; two weeks after that, she had completed all the necessary ceremonies for her father.

For the first time in her life, she had no plans, no where she needed to be and no one waiting for her. She could go wherever she wanted and do whatever she wanted and become whoever she wanted to be

She had no idea what to do with herself.

It was probably the most terrifying moment of her life.

Meera walked out of the hotel in Haridwar, and as she headed towards the car she had hired, she wondered where she would tell the driver to take her.

As he started driving, she made a decision and told him to drive her to the airport. On arriving there, she took her single suitcase and looked at the Departures board, and picked the first flight she could reasonably expect to get a seat for, which happened to be for Washington D.C. Thanks to Raghav, she had a British passport which meant that she could get on that flight without any worries about a visa.

On her arrival in Washington, she hired a car and spent the next two weeks driving across the country, taking back roads, staying in motels and eating in little road-side dives, and getting lost as many times as she could. She had contacted Raghav when she arrived in America, needing to make sure that she could be contacted if Ishita needed her. He arranged for her to get hold of a couple of guns as well as an untraceable mobile phone, so she drove without any fear. She was more than capable of handling anyone who tried to accost her, but thankfully her trip remained undisturbed.

By the end of her road-trip, Meera had reached some decisions. She had been wondering about how she would spend her time; eating at all the little family run restaurants that she had over the past fortnight had shown her that owning and running a restaurant would definitely be a business that would keep her mind occupied. She had no idea how to cook nor did she ever plan to learn, but she could organise, she could hire and manage employees, and she could strategise. From what she could tell those traits were all much needed in running a restaurant. The added benefit to her idea was that no-one, absolutely no-one would expect Meera Dev Malik to be running a restaurant anywhere in the world, let alone in India.

Sitting in her Pacific Beach hotel, looking out at the ocean, she made her plans. For one brief moment as the sun set over the ocean, she almost lost the hard-won control on her emotions that had been in place for the last seven months. She almost let herself remember Kaali and the times they had sat and looked out at the sea when they were together. She almost let herself weep for what she had lost.

But with the steely determination that had always been one of her defining characteristics, Meera slammed the lid back down on the maelstrom of emotions that sat under her calm demeanour, reminding herself that she wouldn’t let even her memories of Kaali affect her anymore.

Her phone rang, surprising her. It was Raghav, calling to tell her that he was getting married. She wasn’t particularly surprised; marriage was the quickest way to arrange an alliance in their world and she knew that Raghav had been sending out feelers since she had stepped away from the organisation.

His wedding was due to take place in two month’s time in Delhi, which gave her more than enough time to plan.

It took Meera another 3 days, but by the fourth morning she had finally worked out exactly what she was going to do.

Putting her plans into action, she first flew to Bulgaria and spoke to Ishita, telling her what she had planned and then giving her two option; either Ishita could stay where she was for as long as she wanted or she could move to a boarding school in India. Ishita was thrilled at what Meera planned to do (what little girl doesn’t love the idea of being the boss of a business?) but chose to stay in the school she was already attending. Meera agreed with her choice, even though it meant that she would be living thousands of miles from her sister; though she had let Ishita choose, it had seemed obvious to her that Ishita would do better staying where she was rather than uprooting herself just so her sister would have to travel less to see her.

From Bulgaria, she flew to Delhi and met with some old acquaintances of her fathers. By hinting that she was looking for businesses to invest in for the purposes of money-laundering, she was able to find some contacts in the restaurant industry, and from there it was just a matter of finding the right failing restaurant in the right place and for the right price.

By the time Meera arrived back in Delhi ten days before Raghav’s wedding, she was the owner of a little restaurant in Cochin. She had persuaded the owners to sell to her by offering them a price significantly above what the place was worth, but she had what she wanted- a business that would keep her well occupied.

Meera spent ten days preparing herself for Raghav’s wedding. It was the last time she would see many of the people in attendance and though the truth was that she didn’t really give a damn what they thought of her, she knew her appearance would reflect not only on Raghav but also on her father’s memory; that made what they thought matter. She wanted people to remember Dev Malik’s daughter as unbowed and undefeated by whatever had happened, as someone who was still a force to be reckoned with. She and Raghav had agreed that the majority of their contacts would be led to believe that she had married a foreign businessman (with Raghav’s approval) and moved away; the knowledge that she had walked away from the organisation would be limited to only a chosen few.

For ten days she shopped and prepared; attending all the pre-wedding events let people see her and gave her a chance to start spreading her cover story and she even enjoyed taking part in some of the silly pre-wedding customs in her role as Raghav’s adopted sister.

The day of the wedding passed without a hitch; after the evening reception, she joined the group that accompanied Raghav and his wife to the airport to see them off on their honeymoon with a sense of satisfaction.

Once the happy couple had gone through security, the group started to disperse, chatting aimlessly as they walked back to their cars. It was as she was saying goodbye to an irritating couple who had attached themselves to her that she saw _him_ and stopped dead in her tracks. _He_ was there, striding across the airport forecourt.

Meera stopped dead in her tracks, unable to believe what she was seeing. It wasn’t possible. He was dead; she had killed him. She had avenged her father and herself, and so it couldn’t be _him_. It was her imagination.

She blinked once, twice, three times and then looked to see if he was still there. He wasn’t. Meera looked as hard as she can, but she didn’t catch sight of him again.

It felt as if the ground had been whipped out from under her feet; all the emotions she normally suppressed came boiling to the surface, topped by an unhealthy dose of rage.

Meera could hear the voices of the couple she had been talking to saying her name in worried tones; she gave herself a shake and refocused on them, finally able to see that they were staring at her with anxious eyes.

“Meera, are you ok? You’ve turned a dreadful shade of grey, do you need to sit down?”

She pulled herself together and managed to pacify them enough that they left her alone, persuading them that it was just exhaustion after the exertion of the wedding.

Once they had driven off, she walked to the car where her driver was waiting. She had no idea how long the drive to the hotel took; she spent the entire time going over and over that moment when she had seen _him_.  With every passing moment, her anger grew; how could she let a memory affect her like this? How could she still give him so much power over her?

By the time Meera arrived back at the hotel, she was furious at herself and perhaps not in the sanest frame of mind. She stormed into the hotel bar and ordered a shot of whisky. As the alcohol warmed through her, she was struck by what suddenly seemed like the answer to eradicating any trace of Kaali from her mind.

Kaali had been the only man she had ever been close to, both emotionally and physically. Whilst she would never let any man play with her emotions again, there was no reason why she shouldn’t satisfy her physical needs with anyone she wanted.

In that moment, it didn’t matter that she had only ever felt desire for Kaali; it didn’t matter that no man had ever even sent a shiver down her spine before or since his presence in her life. All that mattered was her need to burn his memory from her soul. As she sat in that dark bar, alcohol numbing her pain, it made perfect sense to Meera that the best way to eliminate any trace of love for Kaali that remained in her heart was to have sex with someone else.

Surely once she realised that she could feel desire for another man, that it wasn’t just Kaali who could set her body on fire; surely then that last trace of him would leave her. It shamed her that the knowledge of how he had betrayed her wasn’t enough, that the fact that he had killed her father wasn’t enough to remove every vestige of love from her heart. Surely once she had taken another man into her bed, it would be enough to finally burn every trace of him right out of her soul.

Meera scanned the bar, looking for someone who was as far from Kaali as possible. There was a tall, blond Viking of a man sitting in a dark corner nursing a shot glass full of what appeared to be vodka; he would do nicely.

She checked his ring-finger; he wasn’t wearing any rings meaning he was either single or a cheater looking for a one night stand. It didn’t really matter to her which he was; as long as he was interested in women, he would do.

Walking over to where he was sitting she said “Hey Mister. Do you want to fuck?”

At the sound of her crude words, his head shot up. She could see him look her up and down, clearly thinking she was a prostitute looking for a client for the night.

“Look, mister, you won’t have to pay me. I’ll even pay you, if that’ll help. Let me ask again- do you want to fuck?”

He looked her in the eyes for a moment, then stood and threw some money on the table.

When he spoke, he had an attractive deep voice “Do you have a room, or do you want to come to mine?”

She showed him her key; she much preferred being able to kick him out of her room when they were done rather than leaving herself at his mercy in his room, away from her guns.

As Meera turned to leave the bar, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window. Her eyes looked wild and she could almost see the cloak of desperation wrapped around her; she wondered if the man following her could see it too.

The ride in the elevator was silent; once they reached her room, he followed her in and watched silently as she threw her key on the bedside table.

“Are we going to exchange names, or shall we just get down to it?” he asked almost sarcastically.

“I’m not really interested in sharing life stories with you, so let’s just get on with it shall we?” was her curt response, given as she began unwrapping her saree.

He walked closer to her, putting his hand on her waist; she startled and pulled away, taking a couple of steps backwards to put some space between them.

He let out a huff of laughter before he said in his gruff American accent “Sweetheart, this isn’t going to work if you don’t let me touch you.”

Looking straight at her, giving her a chance to pull away again, he moved closer and put his hands back on the bare skin of her waist. The sound of that endearment made her feel sick and feel of his touch repulsed her, making her skin crawl, but she forced herself to stay still as he bent towards her.

The touch of his lips on her neck made her shudder and she tried to pull away, but he held her tight and said “Come on sweetheart, give me a chance here. You’ve got me all hot and bothered, at least give me a chance to turn you on”

This time, when he said the word ‘sweetheart’, his voice was overlaid with Kaali’s voice; when she looked at him, all she could see was Kaali’s face.

“Stop” she said weakly and tried to pull away again.

“Sweetheart, come on; you were the one who invited me here.”

That word again, that name that Kaali used to call her all the time; it made her shudder to hear someone else say it to her.

“Stop” she said again, more power in her voice this time. She grabbed his wrist and started to squeeze in a way that was guaranteed to make him let go of her.

Before she exerted too much pressure, he pulled away from her, exclaiming “Hey, look, if you’ve changed your mind, fine, I’ll walk away, but you are seriously messed up.”

Whirling away from him, she pulled her gun from her bedside table and turned it on him.

Taking a step back and holding his hands up, he said “Look, I’ve already said I’ll walk away; you don’t need to threaten me anymore. But seriously, lady, this is a shitty thing to do. I was minding my own business; you’re the one who came up to me.”

Meera looked at him finally; he was a ruggedly handsome man, tall and blond and attractive enough to be on the cover of a magazine. What the hell was wrong with her, that she was holding a gun on him rather than dragging him into bed with her?

She didn’t drop the gun but said apologetically “I am sorry, really. You’re right; this is a really crap thing to do. I’ve never ever done anything like this before. I can’t explain it, and I am really really sorry I wasted your time. I can compensate you, if it’ll help.”

He let out a resigned laugh and said “I don’t need your money. You know what, I’m just going to walk away now and get to the airport. My flight is in a few hours.

“But let me give you a piece of advice; don’t do this again. Not everyone remembers that no means no and despite being messed up, you seem like a nice woman. I would hate for you to get hurt.”

The man smiled at her as he turned away to open the door; she felt about an inch high as he said “I hope you get whatever has you so messed up sorted out, lady, I really really do.”

Meera was left standing there, holding a gun pointing at the closed door and with her saree pooling at her feet. She felt defeated; as she turned to put the gun back in the drawer, she caught sight of her reflection for the second time that evening.

This time, her eyes looked empty and the air around her was filled with loss and loneliness. She wanted to rage; _he_ had broken her so badly that nothing would ever fix her. How could she ever let a man close to her when the only one she had ever wanted was dead and gone, and in truth had never even existed?

She stood there for a long time, going over and over what had happened. Eventually she moved, mechanically putting away her clothes, then removing her jewellery and make-up. When she was done, she lay in her bed, her eyes wide open as she tried to come to terms with what she had learned about herself that night.

“I am a fool” Meera thought “I am an absolute fool. It’s just as well I killed him when I did because if I hadn’t done it then I would probably have believed any lies he would have told me. How pathetic can I get? I still love him. I still love Kaali, though I hate him, though I killed him; I still love him. God, that is pitiful. He’s dead but I still can’t let someone else touch me.”

Her self-loathing thoughts went round and round in her head for hours, but though she knew how pathetic she was being, she couldn’t see a way to purge him from her heart. After all, if betrayal hadn’t done it, if death wasn’t enough- what more could she do?

After those hours and hours of contemplation, she finally came to a decision. What did it matter if she still loved him? It didn’t, really; he was dead and gone and so wasn’t around to take advantage of her weakness. (If her heart broke every time she reminded herself that he was dead, she refused to acknowledge it. If she realised that she was punishing herself with the constant reminders that he was gone, what did it matter; she deserved it.)

So what if she loved him? She had never planned to love anyone, after all; it didn’t matter to her if she never loved anyone except a dead liar (there was that heartbreak again). She had a plan for her life and her future and her sister; she hadn’t included a man in any of her plans, so what did it matter if her heart had decided it would only ever belong to one man.

So what did it matter if her body had decided it couldn’t bear to have any man touch it except one who wasn’t even alive anymore? She had never had sex, so she would never know what she was missing. It wasn’t a problem. At all. The idea of making herself vulnerable in that way to anyone that wasn’t _him_ made her feel sick but that wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t let anyone close enough to try.

As Meera lay there, contemplating the cold, empty, lonely future she was planning for herself, there was a storm raging inside her; she suppressed it, as she had suppressed all her grief and anger and rage over the past nine months. What was the point in raging against something that was unchangeable? There wasn’t any.

Meera had learned something about herself that night; she had learned that no matter what happened, she would always love Kaali. It was pathetic and she hated herself for it, but she couldn’t change that fact.

She went over the plans she had made in her head, factoring in this new information. It didn’t really change anything. Meera had thought that at some point in the future, when Ishita was a little older, that she would ask Raghav to help her find a husband. That was clearly not going to happen, but the rest of the plan was sound.

Closing her eyes in an attempt to force sleep, she saw Kaali’s image as if it were burned on the inside of her eyelids. It had been there every time she closed her eyes for the last nine months, but she had forced herself to ignore it.

That night, instead of ignoring it she accepted it. She would probably see it every time she closed her eyes for the rest of her life.

It didn’t matter, after all. She had done what she had to, unhampered by love. She had avenged her father. If she had to spend the rest of her life alone as punishment for having loved the wrong man, then so be it; it was no less than she deserved.

Eventually she fell asleep and dreamed of Kaali as she had every night since she had killed him.

When she woke the next morning, it was with a hardened resolve and determination to live the life she had decided on. She would be as happy as she could be, alone. She would make it work.

With that thought in her mind, she made her way to the airport (looking round surreptitiously when she was there in case Kaali suddenly appeared to her again).

Meera flew to Cochin that day and took over as the owner of the ‘Malabar Cafe’; it was a job that was to occupy her mind almost completely over the fifteen months.

By the time the second anniversary of her father’s death came round, Meera had transformed the Malabar Cafe into one of the most popular tourist destinations in Cochin; she had also bought another business, running house-boats in the back-waters of Kerala.

Her days were filled to overflowing; she had made a life that she was proud of.

If her nights were still as cold and empty as they ever had been, and if her dreams were still filled with Kaali and only Kaali, that was only what she expected. And if every night she woke weeping with pain and loss and heartbreak, that was just what she deserved.


	21. Kaali

On the second anniversary of Randhir Bakhshi’s death, his eldest son spent the day drunk in a shack on a beach in Goa.

Fifteen months had passed since he and his friends had started their new lives in Goa. It had been hard to get used to living a ‘normal’ life; working without violence, not being to pull a gun out to solve all his problems to his satisfaction, having to be a substitute-parent to Veer, having to learn how to be an employer to people who were ‘normal’ as well, these were all things that were new to him.

It had been hard, but he had survived. He had managed to give a convincing impression of a function, normal adult. Not one new person he met ever seemed to suspect his past or that he was anything other than what he seemed to be.

Raj hid the fact that each day had been like torture for him. No-one could have imagined that each night had been filled with dreams of Meera, memories and wishes and visions of the future he had expected to have.

He had still not told anyone that in the weeks and months following ‘The Incident’, he dreamed of Meera every night. In the early days, his dreams had been filled with images of her shooting him. He had seen the look of pain in her eyes, seen the scene as it must have appeared to her, relived it all as if a film was playing constantly on a loop in his brain. Every night, he had woken drenched in sweat; the fear and agony and despair of it all tormenting him into thrashing and tossing and turning until he woke himself up.

Those dreams still came to him, bringing visions of guns and the fight with Malik’s men. Memories of the moment he held his dying father in his arms still came to him in the middle of the night, taunting him.

As time went by, his dreams of Meera had changed. He still dreamed of that day, but most of his dreams now were dreams of what could have been. What _should_ have been. Those dreams were infinitely more painful than the truth of what had happened. They tormented him in a way he couldn’t describe, showing him moments of happiness that he knew he could never have. He woke sometimes with his face wet, the tear-tracks mute evidence of how much he missed her.

Raj had survived the two years after his father’s death. He was alive. He was, for all practical purposes, a new person with a new name. And yet, his heart still had the same old feelings buried inside it, embedded deep in his soul where he could never expunge them. He continued to exist, but he was a shadow of his former self.  The only thing that gave him any joy in life was his brother; everything else simply passed by him without touching him. He had hardly any appetite, losing weight to become a leaner, harder version of the man he had been as he spent hours working out his anguish in the home-gym he had installed. Although he charmed his clients and had ensured that his business was well on its way to becoming famous in its niche-field, he took little joy from the work.

Two weeks before the second anniversary of his father’s death, Raj finally fell as low as he could. He had been looking through some of the paperwork that he had been left with after they had taken-apart the old business when he found the letter Dev Malik had sent to his father.

_That letter, that short, deceptively friendly letter had been the start of the end of everything. He sat staring at it for a long time._

_He was sitting lost in the past when Shakti came looking for him._

_“Raj Bhai” he heard, as if someone was calling him from miles away._

_“Raj Bhai?” he heard again “Are you all right? Raj Bhai?”_

_Eventually he made himself respond._

_“What is it Shakti? What do you need?”_

_After a moment’s silence, Shakti said “Raj Bhai, what is going on with you? Anwar and I have kept our mouths shut till now, but we’re not blind. I know there is nothing we can do to fix whatever this is, that’s why we haven’t said anything, but...................”_

_Raj heard himself speak._

_“There’s nothing wrong” he started to say, the words forming without his control._

_Shakti scoffed “Pleae, Raj Bhai, we know you. Don’t try and tell me that there’s nothing wrong. I know you. We have been hoping that time would make things better for you, but it hasn’t happened yet.”_

_He sat next to Raj, taking the letter from his hand and reading it._

_“God, this is something isn’t it? How could you have suspected anything when he sent Bakhshi sir a letter like this?”_

_Raj stood up jerkily “I should have, shouldn’t I? It was my job to think, to anticipate, to recognise threats to our organisation. How did I not recognise this for the threat it was? It was all my fault, my stupid, idiotic, ridiculous fault.”_

_He drew back his hand as if to punch the wall, then whirled with his fist still raised when he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_Shakti stood solidly in front of him, looking ready to take a punch if need be._

_“It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t Meera’s fault. The only person to blame for everything was that lying scumbag who fathered her.”_

_He stood just looking at Raj for a moment then said “But it doesn’t matter how often I tell you that, or who tells you that, does it? I don’t think you’ll ever believe it._

_“So, fine, it was your fault. You can’t fix it, you can’t change it, you can’t bring Bakhshi sir back. He’s dead and it’s your fault. If that’s what you believe, then fine, that’s what we’ll believe too._

_“Does that change anything? No. It goddam doesn’t change anything. We are where we are. We are here, in Goa. Me and Anwar are here, even though you fucked up._

_“And Veer, he needs you. He needs his brother. He doesn’t need this husk of a man who has nothing inside him._

_“Get over this Raj Bhai. Get over this. It’s been almost two years and you need to find a way to get over this. And if you can’t get over this, then you goddam need to learn to_ live _with it. Actually live not just exist. You can’t do it for yourself, so do it for Veer.”_

_Shakti turned away, walking out of the room, leaving Raj standing silently behind him._

_Within an hour, Raj had thrown some clothes in a bag, told Veer that he had to go away for business for a while and that Shakti and Anwar would look after him till Raj came back, and then driven away without any idea of where he was going and what he would do when he got there._

And so there he was, drunk on a shack on one of the few remaining isolated beaches in Goa. He had been drunk for the past two weeks, to the point where he couldn’t remember most of that time.

He lay there through the night, drinking and drinking until there was nothing left for him to consume.

When dawn started to break he sat up and walked out of the shack, onto the beach and into the water. Drunk as he was, he could barely coordinate his limbs, but he walked out as far as he could and then stood there, buffeted by the waves, barely keeping to his feet.

Eventually the sun rose; he stood there in the freezing cold sea until it rose high in the sky and then said one word.

“Enough.”

With that he turned and fought his way through the waves back to the beach. He walked, clothes soaked wet to the bone, until he found a small beach-side restaurant.

Ignoring the curious stares of various tourists and waiters, he sat down and ordered coffee. They looked at him in askance until he produced a platinum credit card from his (expensive, water-proof and now ruined) wallet, then ran to provide him with whatever he asked for.

Raj sat there for hour after hour, drinking black coffee and eventually eating some disgustingly greasy food. By the time he stood up, he was stone-cold sober. He walked back to his shack, threw his clothes together, then drove back to his home.

Veer saw him drive up; as Raj parked, his little brother was running out of the house towards him. As soon as he could, Veer threw his arms around Raj and said “Where have you been? I missed you”.

Raj held onto Veer tightly; deep inside he vowed that he would do whatever he had to keep his little brother happy. From that day on, he would put all his feelings of guilt and regret and loss in a box in his mind and toss away the key. He knew he wouldn’t be able to control his dreams, but he swore to himself that starting then and there, he would no longer allow himself to keep looking back.


	22. Kaali

On Veer’s eighteenth birthday, Raj gave him the car of his dreams as a present then sent him off to the weekend house-party that his friends had arranged (and that Raj was paying for).

It had been five years since they had settled in Goa. Raj had worked hard during those years, building the business from a small garage into a well-known provider of high-end modifications to high-power cars. It was a niche business, but he was now well known in the field.

During the first few years, Raj had relied significantly on the income from his Swiss investments; over the last eighteen months, however, that money was just accumulating in the bank, a comforting nest-egg that he could use for luxuries like Veer’s car.

As he watched Veer drive off, Raj couldn’t help but think about how much had changed over those five years; how much he himself had changed.

The first year that they had lived in Goa, he had struggled with domesticity. Looking after Veer, making sure there was food, managing clothes, laundry, cleaning; it had been a nightmare. Anwar and Shakti had set up their guest-house and restaurant, and for a long time he had relied on them to feed Veer and him. He had eventually learned how to cook simple food, but it had been a struggle.

The second and third years had been better in some ways (he got used to not having to fight all the time, not having to worry about the police, being an employer rather than a ‘boss’) though he still found it a terrifying responsibility to be in charge of parenting Veer.

Raj had been lucky; Veer had his mother’s heart and temperament and general amiability. Veer’s life was a charmed one especially because Raj felt that he had lost so much with the death of both his parents that he didn’t really deny him anything. It would have been so easy for him to have turned into a spoilt arrogant brat; it would have been even easier for him to have a sense of entitlement, with the way that Raj found a way to make excuses for just about anything he did. Thankfully, Veer had an inner sense of right and wrong, and a kind heart, and those things together had ensured that he had turned into a good-natured young man.

The one thing Veer wasn’t was academic. Raj knew that as soon as he could he was going to walk away from school life and never look back.

Thankfully, he was good with cars and had been working in the business with Raj since they had arrived in Goa. Initially Raj had resisted his presence, hoping that he would go into a professional field or even perhaps do something related to cars at university; he soon realised that forcing Veer to stay in school any longer than he had to would be cruelty, as he had little aptitude for book-learning.

And so, over the years Veer spent more and more time helping out in the garage.  He was thankfully not arrogant about being the boss’s little brother; he put the time in, did all the jobs including the greasy, dirty, fiddly ones and was actually pretty good at managing the employees too.

All in all, he had earned the right to give up school if what he actually wanted to do was work in the garage with Raj.

Veer’s car finally vanished into the distance, leaving Raj standing alone in front of their brightly painted house. He had foolishly allowed the thirteen-year-old Veer to choose what colour the house should be painted and he had regretted it ever since. The problem now was that the bright house at the apex of their community had become such a recognisable part of the area that he couldn’t change it without causing uproar, and so he had learned to live with it.

Deep down inside he even liked the absolute vividness of it. The vibrant colours he was surrounded by constantly helped to mask the bleakness and loneliness which still lived deep inside him.

Raj sighed as he turned to walk into the house; the darkness inside made him stop in his tracks. Instead he turned to the garage; picking the most manoeuvrable of his small collection of cars (he had limited himself to five at a time), he started driving aimlessly down the small Goan back roads until he finally reached a secluded beach.

He spent the next few hours looking out over the changing colours of the sky; the stars twinkling in the distance somehow making his loneliness even more acute.

Was this what his life was to be, this constant ache for a woman who he could never have? Raj wished for a moment that he could lose himself in the bottom of a bottle of whisky, just for one night. Just one night without memories of Meera taunting him, that was all he longed for sometimes. But he knew it was pointless; not one night had passed without dreams of her. His dreams were still the same as ever, they would never change. He had just become an expert at locking away the remorse and sense of loss that came with them.

Raj sat there, thinking about what Shakti and Anwar had been saying for some time now. They had initially only dared a few gentle hints but over the past few weeks those hints had become extremely pointed; there had been subtle and not so subtle suggestions that he should perhaps be thinking of finding himself a nice young woman, planning to settle down, maybe give Veer some nieces and nephews to spoil.

It had surprised him how repugnant he found the idea. He had tried to think of himself married, having the kind of relationship that he had seen his father have with Anjali. It was impossible; even now, every time he closed his eyes, the only face he could see was Meera’s.

He smiled mirthlessly. Five years of celibacy was not something any man in his prime enjoyed, and it was not as if he hadn’t tried to break his long dry spell. Raj just hadn’t been able to convince his body that it wanted anyone except Meera; the few times he had tried to lose himself in a one-night stand, he had been embarrassingly unable to perform. Was it worth trying again? Was it worth putting himself through the rigmarole of meeting nice women who didn’t know anything about his past, trying to convince them (and himself) that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with them?

Could he really put himself through that, just to try and convince people around him that he had moved on from his tragic love-affair? Would he be able to live his entire life as an act, because Raj knew that deep down inside he would never love anyone except Meera?

As night turned to day, he thought and imagined and looked to the future.

Once the sun had risen high in the sky, he drove back home. He had made his decision, at least for the foreseeable future.  Wandering over to Anwar and Shakti’s hotel, as he did most mornings, he caught Shakti’s eye. Within a few minutes, his friends were sitting with his as they all sipped hot cups of tea.

“I know you think I should find someone, settle down” he said “I’m just not ready. It’s not fair to drag a woman into my life when I don’t have anything to give her.”

As the two men looked as if they were going to start to remonstrate, he held up his hand to silence them.

“Guys, it’s just not going to happen. I’m ok. I’ll be more at peace if I just live as I am, without the stress of constantly forcing myself into something I’m not comfortable with. Just, please, don’t worry. I’m ok.”

He could see them looking at him as if to assess his seriousness. They must have seen something in his eyes which convinced them how deathly serious he was, because they both sat back with resignation.

They looked at each other, sharing some silent communication, before Anwar spoke “OK, Raj Bhai; we will stay out of your business for now. For now.”

Slightly irritated by their willingness to interfere, he opened his mouth to ask why _they_ didn’t just get on and find themselves women, then shut it with a snap of his jaw. If he opened the topic up for discussion he would just encourage them to badger him when they had only just agreed to let him be.

He held his tongue and instead gave a nod. “OK then. I’m going back to the garage. I’ll be back for dinner.”

Raj stood and walked away, knowing that his friends were staring at his back. Let them. He had made his decision.

Better to be alone with his loss and his memories that trying to force himself to find space in his heart for someone who would never belong there; someone who wasn’t Meera.


	23. Meera

The day preceding Ishita’s sixteenth birthday was a day of quiet celebration. She was finally done with the boarding school she had lived in for most of her life.

Her exams were done, the results were in and she had passed, though not with flying colours. Her future was set; she was going to start as an apprentice and learn how to help Meeradi with the various businesses they owned, whilst studying for her International Baccalaureates at home. That would give her a chance to decide what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.

Both Ishita and Meera were excited; Meera was thrilled to finally have Ishita living with her, and Ishita was glad to get away from living with hundreds of other girls. She knew that Meeradi had been working hard over the past years to create a life for the two of them and she had forced herself to be patient; but to be finally able to live as a family was something she had wanted for a long time.

They were both packing; Raghav had invited them to stay in one of his houses in London for as long as they wanted whilst they decided where they were going to settle down, and Ishita was excited at the prospect.

Their flight landed in London late that night and they were driven to a comfortably discreet residence in Richmond.

Meera had planned a day of shopping and celebration, followed by dinner at an exclusive restaurant and then tickets for a musical.

It was the kind of day she knew that Ishita’s friends had been treated to on their birthdays and she wanted her sister to have at least some of the same experiences her friends had.

The day went well; Meera put aside her natural reserve to giggle and celebrate with Ishita, who seemed to enjoy every minute. At the end of the day, the younger girl threw her arms around her sister and said “Thank you Meeradi; this was the best day ever. I love you.”

Ishita’s birthday set the tone for the rest of their time in London. They relaxed and got to know each other again; Ishita realised that her sister had no life outside of her work and indeed seemed to be viewed by people around her as a slightly terrifying untouchable goddess.

The sisters shopped, buying gorgeously feminine clothes and as many shoes as they could possibly manage; they talked and planned and made decisions for the future. Despite the massive age difference between the two of them, they were remarkably in sync with each other; it didn’t take them long to decide that they would base themselves in Delhi for the foreseeable future, at least until they were both bored of it.

A few weeks later, the sisters were settled in Delhi. Meera had bought a small but luxurious boutique hotel in Delhi a few years ago and that was where they decided to make their base. Living in a hotel suite wasn’t something every owner could do, but with Meera’s private income, they could live comfortably wherever they wanted without any worries about losing the income from the suite.

They had been living together for a few months when Ishita finally realised what had been niggling at her awareness for some time.

She realised that Meera had no life apart from her work. She had very limited friends, mostly people who she worked with; she had very little social life and Ishita never saw even a hint of a love-life.

Even though she was a remarkably sensible sixteen year old young lady, Ishita was still a romantic at heart.

One evening, as they sat together at dinner, Ishita gathered her courage and asked “Meeradi, do you have a boyfriend?”

As Meera gave her a shocked look, Ishita continued “It’s ok if you do, you know. You can tell me. Maybe I could meet him?”

Meera continued to look at her in shock until Ishita was simply babbling. Eventually Meera lifted her eyebrows and stopped Ishita’s increasingly random words “Ishita, I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not keeping anything from you.”

She looked down at her plate for a moment, then drew a deep breath in and said “I haven’t had a boyfriend for a long time and I don’t ever plan to have a boyfriend again. Don’t ask me any questions, Ishu. This is the one thing I will never ever talk about.”

Meera threw her sister a shrewd look and asked “Is this because you want a boyfriend? Is there something you want to tell me?”

At Ishita’s blush, Meera managed a short humourless laugh.

“Ishu, I’m not a man hater, no matter what people might say about me. I have my reasons for the way I live, but that doesn’t mean I expect you to be the same. I want you to be happy, no matter what. That’s all I have ever wanted.

“You’re still young; I need to know who you’re with and where you’re going, but I trust you to be sensible. I trust you, Ishu. Don’t ever break my trust and we’ll be fine.

“But I never want to hear any questions about my private life ever again Ishu. It is my business and mine alone. It is not something I ever want to talk about. I live my life the way I do for my own reasons and they are not anything I will ever discuss with you, or anyone.

“Are we clear?”

Ishita had never heard her sister sound so serious, but she recognised the bone-deep sincerity with which she spoke. She ached to ask questions, to find out what it was which had affected her Meeradi so strongly, but she knew it was pointless. A trait they both shared was that they were both very stubborn; Ishita knew that once Meeradi had decided something, it would be impossible to change her mind.

All she could do was accept that her sister had made her decision, and try to abide by that decision. It seemed mad to her that someone as wonderful as her sister had decided to be alone for the rest of her life, but if that was what Meeradi had decided, then Ishu would hold her tongue for now. Maybe when she was older, Meera would feel she could be trusted with the story of what had happened, maybe then she would be able to persuade her to change her mind. Till then, she would hold her tongue and accept that Meera had as much right to make stupid decisions about her life as anyone.

Ishita never raised the subject again, not once in the next ten years. She got used to hearing muffled sobs from her sister’s bedroom; got used to hearing her sister wake up crying out in anguish. She never asked what it was that haunted her sister’s dreams, knowing that Meera would never tell her.

The two sisters spent those ten years in Delhi.

They had initially thought about moving somewhere else, but it was such a convenient location that they never actually got round to finding somewhere to live.

They both travelled, together and separately (once Ishu was old enough to take on more business responsibilities).

Ishita was happy. She was a friendly young woman, gathering a group of acquaintances around her with ease, together with one or two close friends. She had gentle flirtations but by the age of twenty-five, hadn’t yet fallen seriously in love with anyone.

Meera watched Ishita grow and develop with love and pride over those years. She had had little to do with her sister turning into the woman she was, but she couldn’t help but feel happiness in her presence. It had all been worth it, everything she had done over the past years, everything had been worth it just to see Ishita becoming the person she was.

In those years, Meera was content if not happy. She still woke at night, aching for _him_. She didn’t even think about it anymore, it was such a part of her existence. Even as she woke from another dream of _him_ , she had trained herself to forget her anything she saw or felt; but her body couldn’t forget. Her heart couldn’t forget. She lived, she laughed, she breathed, but she couldn’t remove _him_ from her soul.

In truth, she had accepted that she would be alone for the rest of her life, and that knowledge didn’t particularly affect her anymore. Sometimes it felt as if her heart had died with _him_ ; as if her capacity for romantic love had been burned out of her with _his_ death. Her ability to desire someone had come to life when he entered her life; when he died, she seemed to have lost any physical desires that had been triggered by his presence.

Sometimes Meera felt like a ghost; watching life pass her by without any emotional connection to it. It was only Ishu who reminded her that she was a person with feelings; when Ishu wasn’t around, she was like an emotionless automaton, just existing rather than living.

Life continued in this steady way, their collection of small hotels and restaurants across the country growing nicely and keeping them busy.

The two sisters remained close, despite the changing dynamic between them as Ishu turned from a child into a woman.

On Meera’s fortieth birthday, Ishita sent her off for a two week stay at one of the world’s top spa resorts in the Maldives. It was the perfect gift for Meera, letting her be alone and away from all the responsibilities that normally kept her occupied. She spent her days just watching the ocean, letting the sound of the waves lull her into a sense of peace. Her nights were less disturbed than they normally were; her dreams were full of Kaali holding her close, touching her and caressing her lovingly, rather than the violent memories of him which often plagued her.

When she came back, she drew Ishita close and simply said “Thank you.”

Her time away and the clear joy she had taken from having the ocean so close-by led both sisters to the same conclusion.

On Ishita’s twenty-fifth birthday, after Meera had presented her with the exquisitely simple yet perfect diamond jewelry set, then given her the diamond ring which had been their mother’s engagement ring, Ishita said “Meeradi, these are perfect and I will treasure them forever. But can I ask you for one more present?”

Meera smiled “Go ahead, Ishu; I have something else already planned, but I may have to change it depending on what you want.”

Ishu paused for a moment, feeling incredibly greedy for asking for anything when her sister had already indulged her so much.

She gave herself a shake, reminding herself that what she was going to propose would be good for both of them, not just her.

Grabbing the folder full of papers that she had stashed in a drawer, she came back to the where Meera was waiting for her.

“Meeradi, I want us to move to Goa. I’ve been thinking about it for a few months now, and I really am tired of Delhi. I want to go and live near the sea, away from the constant madness in Delhi. I mean, it doesn’t really matter where we live from a business point of view, and neither of us have anything keeping us here. I’ve been searching and I found this gorgous house for sale; have a look.”

Ishita realised that she was babbling as she always did when faced with Meera’s poker-face, and stopped speaking abruptly.

She let out a sound of disappointment when Meera stood up and walked away, wondering what had upset her sister so much. Panicked, she wondered if she had touched on the never-mentioned topic of Meeradi’s long-ago boyfriend; she wondered if she should go after her sister and try to comfort her.

Before she could work herself into a lather, Meera walked back into the room carrying a folder very similar to the one that Ishita was holding. She had a big grin on her face and seemed to be having difficulty stopping herself from laughing.

“Remember I said I had one more gift. Well, this is it. It’s a small beachside shack-type restaurant in Goa. I’ve just bought it and I was going to suggest we move down there for a few months, have a change from Delhi whilst it’s being renovated.”

As she handed her folder to a surprised Ishita and started looking through the file she took from Ishita’s hand, she finally couldn’t contain her laughter.

“Ishu, this is the house I’ve been looking at buying.”

Meera put the folder she was holding down and drew an unresisting Ishita into a hug.

Once Ishu realised that they had both been planning complementary plans to escape from the Delhi insanity, she burst into giggles and returned Meera’s hug tightly.

“Meeradi this is perfect; absolutely perfect. I can’t believe we’ve both been planning the same thing.”

The two sisters spent a few moments giggling together, then sat down and compared plans.

By the end of the evening, they had decided that they would pack up and move to Goa within a matter of weeks. Meera had phoned the agent dealing with both properties and arranged to buy them (he had made a point of investigating who she was when she had first put feelers out about the restaurant, so had discovered the reputation she had built over the last fifteen year; he was thrilled to be able to offload both properties to a buyer who was willing and able to pay the asking price, especially one who had a reputation for quick and clean business deals).

Two months after Ishita turned twenty-five, almost fifteen years after Dev Malik’s death, the two Malik sisters moved to Goa, hoping for peace, quiet and calm.

That wasn’t exactly what they found.


	24. Veer

In the 9 years since Veer turned eighteen, Raj and Veer had been living fairly comfortable lives in their little community in Goa.

Veer was settled; he had his circle of friends, he loved working with cars, he loved driving the high-octane vehicles they were given to modify, he loved the stability of the life Raj had created for him.

He was not a particularly ambitious young man; he never really thought about the future other than to think that perhaps someday he would find a nice girl to settle down with. Perhaps it was the fact that he was the product of one of the most secure upbringings that a young man could have, but he had a sunny personality and never particularly questioned his good luck. It wasn’t that he had forgotten the first twelve years of his life; it was simply that any sadness that persisted from those years had been subsumed by fifteen years of comfort, security and the reassuringly constant presence of Raj Bhai as a shield against any sadness.

When Veer had turned twenty-one, Raj had officially given him a half-share in the business; he had settled some property on him and told him that if Veer wanted, he could move out, be independent and go wherever he wanted.

Veer had looked at him with complete confusion asking “Raj Bhai, do you want me to leave you? Do you not want me to live here anymore?”

It had taken only a few moments for Raj to convince Veer that he was just trying to give him what he might want, before the two brothers had an embarrassingly sentimental conversation about feelings.

At the end of that never-to-be-discussed conversation, the Bakhshi brothers had reached an understanding. Both agreed they were happy with the status quo, but if at any point anything changed, they would let the other know without any drama or misunderstandings.

In the six years since that day, both had continued to be quite happy with the way things were. Raj could never imagine living without Veer; his baby brother was more like a son to him than a sibling, and he couldn’t imagine any parent wanting their child to leave them.

If Veer ever imagined the future, he saw himself living in the same house that he had grown up in, that he shared with his beloved Raj Bhai, just perhaps with a wife and some children added in. Sometimes he wondered why Raj Bhai never married; occasionally in his imaginings he thought of a sister-in-law, perhaps some nieces and nephews.

Raj had only had a few absolute rules as Veer was growing up. No drugs of any kind (not even cannabis) EVER, no excessive alcohol, only one girlfriend at a time, no cheating or breaking anyone’s heart EVER and no shirking responsibilities (which meant that if Veer got someone pregnant, he would be have to be a parent to any child he fathered if the girl decided to keep the baby). He had given him a deeply embarrassing talk when Veer turned fourteen, reinforced his advice about safe-sex and contraception at regular intervals between sixteen and twenty-one, and made sure that a stock of condoms was constantly kept topped up in Veer’s bedroom. Apart from that, Raj had never said much about women as Veer was growing up. He had never had a girlfriend, as far as Veer knew, but when Veer had once broached the subject of women with his brother, the blank look on Raj’s face had somehow stopped him from asking any probing questions or dig deeper into Raj’s opinions on the topic.

As far as he could tell, Raj had no personal life. Occasionally he and Shakti Bhai and Anwar Bhai took trips away from home, both alone or in groups of two or three. Veer sometimes wondered if they found female companionship when they were away, but it wasn’t something that he ever asked his brother about.

Veer himself had had a couple of casual girlfriends; girls who had been part of the large group of his friends who hung around together and who had remained his friends even after any romantic liaison had ended. He had never been in love, not yet at least.


	25. Raj

It was Raj Bakhshi’s forty-fourth birthday. It was silly to still be celebrating birthdays at his age, but his baby brother seemed to take a ridiculous amount of pleasure in making Raj do silly things like blowing out candles and cutting a cake and so, as they had for the past thirteen years, he had allowed Veer to mortify him. If only Shakti and Anwar didn’t encourage Veer, they might have stopped this ridiculous ritual years ago, but those two seemed to savour the sight of the feared Kaali wearing a ridiculous party hat once a year and so they never intervened.

Raj knew how ridiculously he indulged Veer, but he did it anyway. The only thing that suffered was his dignity and he didn’t mind that if it kept his brother happy.

After the cake had been cleared away and his friends had dispersed, he and Veer sat looking out at the large picture of their father that dominated their living area.

“I don’t remember much about him, Bhai, or about my mom.”

Raj shifted uncomfortably at Veer’s words. He had never spoken much to Veer about his parents until then; he wondered what was making Veer ask about them.

He turned, looking at his brother sitting opposite him, and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“Oh, I know, it’s weird for me to ask about them. But I was thinking about Siddhu and Jenny, and thinking about you and Shakti Bhai and Anwar Bhai. Just thinking, made me think about them too.”

Raj shifted uncomfortably.

“Your mother was a good woman. She was the best person I ever knew. You’re like her, a bit. Not as good as her,” he chuckled “but you have her eyes and her personality.”

“We were happy, right? When I was little? I remember us laughing a lot. Is that just my imagination, or did we really laugh a lot?”

Raj smiled sadly and said “We laughed all the time at home, she used to smile and laugh all the time. I miss that about her.”

The two brothers say quietly for a little while before their peace was disturbed by the ringing of Raj’s phone.

He took it out of his pocket and saw that Anwar was the one calling. Raj knew what that meant; he sighed and looked up at Veer.

“I’ve got to go out for a while; I think the boys want to celebrate a bit more.”

Veer laughed “Yes, I’m sure you’ll have a wild celebration. I asked Shakti Bhai what you all do when you get together, you know. He told me.”

Raj’s eyes widened, wondering exactly what Shakti had said.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to crash your whisky drinking evening plans. I won’t even ask how many bottles the three of you plan to get through tonight. Just don’t expect me to be sympathetic tomorrow!”

At Veer’s words, Raj gave a slightly sickly smile before he got up and walked out. Better that his brother thought he was hiding a night of hard drinking than having him have any inkling of what the three of them were actually going to be doing.

Raj met Shakti and Anwar in the garage at the back of their property; neither of the younger brothers realised it had anything in it, it had been so carefully disguised as a dilapidated shack. Whilst it looked as if a stiff wind would blow it down, the ramshackle appearance hid high-grade locks on rock-solid doors and the inside space contained several secure gun-cabinets and ammunition stores carefully hidden behind false walls and store-cupboards.

When they had moved to Goa, the three friends had left their old life behind them, but they had been very aware that old secrets had a way of coming back to haunt you. For that reason, they had made sure they had enough gear with them to hold off an army and they made sure that they kept up their fighting skills. They made sure they found time for target practice, keeping fit and sparring with each other; they had also appointed themselves the unofficial peacekeepers of their area, keeping it as free of unpleasant influences as possible.

Over the years they had dealt with most of the gangs who had wanted to move into their community; the most recent inroads were being made by a gang led by a ridiculous mobster who called himself ‘King’.

That night, Anwar had obtained some information about a delivery that was happening at a local beach. It was almost the perfect birthday present for Raj; a chance to work off some of his tension as well as a way to remind himself that he wasn’t old yet, that he could still take down a few idiots with guns even if he was now mature and a responsible adult.

Once Raj arrived, the three middle-aged retired-gangsters silently changed into their preferred fighting outfits, retrieved a few guns from the locked cabinets they were kept in and got into the unmarked Jeep they kept just for these excursions.

They made their way to where the deal was happening and enjoyed a satisfying battle with the fifteen or so men gathered at the beach.

Once all the men were lying groaning and nursing a variety of wounds, Raj silently gathered up the drugs they had come to deliver; the trio drove to a nearby beach and made a satisfying bonfire of the illicit goods.

“Not a bad birthday, Raj Bhai, even if you are turning into an old man. We’ve still got it” Anwar laughed as he watched the fire burn.

“Who are you calling old, you pensioner. You’ve got at least five years on me.” Raj answered, giving Anwar a friendly shove.

Shakti stood quietly watching them; a moment later the three of them stood side by side warming themselves by the side of the fire.

“I didn’t think we’d make it this far” he said “not without someone coming after us or without something happening. I never imagined I would live to be this close to fifty.”

He stared into the fire for a few more minutes, his friends standing beside him; as he turned away, Anwar followed him to the car but Raj stayed where he was, watching as the flames climbed higher and higher into the sky.

“Raj Bhai, are you coming?”

Raj shook his head slowly at Shakti’s question.

“You guys go on, I’ll be back later. It’s only a few miles, I’ll be back in the morning. Just remind Veer about that car that’s being collected tomorrow for me.”

Shakti and Anwar looked at each other then silently got into the Jeep. They were used to Raj’s need for solitude, so they left without a word.

Raj stood watching the fire as long as it burned; his thought turning unerringly to Meera. It had been fifteen years, almost. Such a long time and yet he hadn’t moved on.

Sometimes he hated himself for being unable to move on; other times he hated her for not leaving him alone.

But that night, as he did most of the time, he thought of where she might be; what was she doing at that moment, did she ever think of him, had she ever forgiven him?

He knew it was pathetic; he knew how obsessive and unhealthy it was for him to be so fixated on a woman he hadn’t seen in almost fifteen years. Despite that, he couldn’t forget.  After all, in all those years, he had never stopped loving her.

When the fire eventually died down, the sun was just starting to lighten the sky. Raj ran back home, showering quickly before he lay down to sleep. Unsurprisingly considering what he had spent hours’ thinking about just before he slept, his dreams were filled with memories of his father’s death, of Meera’s shot, of Meera herself.

He woke with a start, covered in sweat and breathing hard. The sun was flooding his room, telling him he had slept far past the time he normally woke.

After a quick shower, he looked for Veer; not finding him, he walked out of the house rubbing at his beard. Realising it was far later than he had thought, he walked past the garage, acknowledging the men industriously working away.

When he heard that Veer had taken out the car he had wanted him to test-drive, he heaved a sigh of relief; at least one of the Bakhshi brothers was getting on with business.

Raj walked down to where his friends were waiting for him with a cup of his preferred morning tea; they had dealt with him after his many nights of introspection and nightmares before and knew he would be in a contemplative frame of mind.

“Raj Bhai” Shakti said “it’s been almost fifteen years since that incident.”

Before he could respond, he was distracted by the sounds of an altercation from the street, and by the time he had dealt with that, the shadows of the night had been temporarily banished from his mind.

If he had known what Veer was up to at that very minute, he probably wouldn’t have felt quite so calm.


	26. The Bakhshis and The Maliks

When Veer met Ishita, it seemed like a perfectly harmless ‘boy-meets-girl’ moment. He was eager, she was grateful for his help; it seemed like only good could come of that chance roadside meeting.

Ishita had been stuck, wishing she had waited for Meera to drive them both to the Municipality Office in time to submit the necessary papers by the deadline. Her scooter, the one that Meera absolutely hated, was a small bone of contention between the two sisters; Meera thought it was a death-trap, especially on Goa’s poorly-maintained roads. When it had broken down for the umpteenth time, she had been loath to call Meera and ask her for a rescue; instead she had spent several moments dithering whilst trying to work out how to get to the office in time.

When the speedy BMW with the attractive driver had slowed, she had for a moment thought the situation was saved. He had instead driven past, leaving her disappointed and on the verge of admitting defeat and calling her sister.

Just before she gave in and phoned Meera, she saw that same BMW reversing towards her; with a sigh of relief, she babbled her story and happily accepted the lift he was offering.

Veer, the young man whose car she had willingly entered, didn’t look anything like a serial-killer or a rapist. Ishita knew better than to go on appearances, but it was after all the middle of the day, she had her mini-taser (a gift from her sister when she first started making solo-business trips) and they were travelling through the centre of the town.

When Veer drove like a maniac through a crowd, through barriers and obstacles, just to get her where she needed to be in time, she realised that she was dealing with a man who was attracted to her. It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the most puppy-like attempts to hold her attention that she had ever been subjected to.

Most of the men she met were business people; men who knew what they wanted and weren’t really interested in being nice or kind. They seemed to think that the way to hold her interest was to be macho and strong, not realising that testosterone-poisoning was something she found repulsive.

Veer, on the other hand, seemed on first glance to be free of ego. He didn’t posture or make her feel uncomfortable; instead he came across more like a cute puppy who just wanted her to like him. It was refreshing when he didn’t even ask for her phone number or a way to contact her; she walked into the Municipality Office with a bounce in her step and a smile on her face.

Once she’d filed the papers she needed to, she hailed a taxi and made her way back home.  Quietly, she asked their driver to collect the scooter and see if it could be fixed; once that was dealt with, she continued her day without giving Veer another thought.

Veer had fallen in love. Love at first sight was something he had never really thought about, but he knew that love at first sight was what had happened to him. There was no other explanation for the way he felt; like a bubble of happiness filled him when he thought about Ishita, as if he could just sit and think about her all the time, day-dreams of being with her and just spending time with her making him smile dopily.

The joy of having fallen in love shielded him even from his Bhaiyya’s gentle admonishments and from the knowledge of how hard he was going to have to work to fix all the damage that had been caused to the BMW.

A few days passed by, with Veer behaving like a teenager. Raj could have laughed; he found Veer sitting staring dreamily into the distance more than once over those few days and whilst it was amusing, it reminded him again how quickly life could change. It reminded him of those halcyon days when he and Meera had been getting to know each other; Raj was sure that Shakti and Anwar had probably laughed at him quite a lot in those times.  He knew that he had surely spent more than his fair share of time staring dreamily into the distance in those days.

A few days after Veer and Ishita’s first meeting, in the evening, one by one each of the workers in the garage left to pursue their romances and Veer was left working alone.

When he turned around and saw Ishita standing there, he knew all was right with the world; the girl he loved had just re-appeared like the perfect angel that she was, and he knew that this would be the start of his chance to make her fall in love with him too.

So Veer babbled and talked and tried to make it clear what a wonderful boyfriend he could be, if only she would give him a chance. When she touched him, it was like lightening rushing through his body; perhaps it was the maddening effect of that which made him start making up the ridiculous stories about his brother.

When Veer turned and saw Raj Bhai standing there, he knew his goose was cooked; he could only hope that he would be able to convince his brother not to completely destroy his hopes.

As always, Raj indulged his little brother and took being unfairly scolded by the tall young woman remarkably well. It left him feeling rather like a panther being scolded by a kitten, but it seemed to make Veer happy, so he played along.

Veer was left feeling utterly grateful and even happier when Ishita left having given him her phone number; his evening was complete. It didn’t matter that he had a ridiculous amount of work to do or that he had added to his workload by agreeing to fix Ishita’s scooter; all he knew was that he was going to see Ishita again. With a smile of happiness, he sat there thinking of her. He didn’t even realise when daydreams became actual dreams once he fell asleep.

Raj was left with slightly more conflicted emotions; meeting the object of his little brother’s affections, he realised that it was entirely possible that Veer would actually fall in love with the girl (she seemed quite lovely). Was he ready for such a huge change in their lives?

He sat for a long time thinking about everything. It did seem ridiculous to start imagining what his life would be like if Veer got married, but he realised that he had been foolish to not think about it before. After all, it was something that would happen sooner rather than later. Raj spent a little time thinking about what it would be like to have a sister-in-law living with them; what would it be like to have another person in their house?

The hour or so Raj spent thinking was well spent; by the time he eventually went to sleep, he knew that whenever Veer decided he was going to bring home a bride (whether the sweetly fierce Ishita or someone else), Raj would be ready for ensuing changes.

Veer spent the next few days trying to figure out who was stealing from the garage whilst at the same time trying to find some spare time to work on Ishita’s scooter.

(Raj of course knew that Siddhu was stealing from the garage; he was ignoring it for now, not wanting to upset Shakti who was as oblivious to Siddhu’s misdemeanours as Raj was to Veer’s. If it escalated, he would deal with Siddhu himself, but for now it was clear to him that Siddhu wasn’t spending the money on drugs, gambling or alcohol, and so he was ignoring it until it became a real problem.)

By the time the scooter was fixed, Siddu had ‘somehow’ gathered the money to throw Jenni a birthday party; it seemed to Veer that it was the perfect chance to meet Ishita again and perhaps persuade her to spend some time with him.

He ended up not only telling her that he had lied about his brother, but also somehow getting her to forgive him for that. She also, somehow, allowed herself to be persuaded to come out partying with them.

When the evening ended with Ishita somehow getting into an argument with some drug dealers, Veer couldn’t stop himself from playing the hero and stepping in. He wasn’t by nature violent, but Veer had grown up with Raj telling him constantly about the evils of drugs; seeing those men trying to bring poison into his neighbourhood made him lose his temper, which was something that hardly ever happened. In his rage, he fought like a madman and somehow managed to actually fight off all of the gangsters.

Walking away victorious was a glorious feeling; all in all Veer was floating on cloud nine over the next few days. He talked to Ishita on her land-line, her cellphone having been destroyed by King’s men; Veer planned to buy her a new phone as soon as he thought she would accept one from him.

Raj had noted the bruises and scrapes from the fight in the club; he had asked a few questions but let Veer think he wasn’t that troubled. He had, instead, gone and asked the club’s owner what had happened; when he realised that King was behind it all, Raj knew that the time had come to start dealing with that gangster once and for all.

He talked to Shakti and Anwar, got them to start looking at the best plans of attack against King’s organisation; at the same time, he watched as Veer spent his evenings on the phone, talking to Ishita and gradually falling more and more in love.

Things finally came to a head on the night when Veer was brutally beaten right outside their house. That utterly outrageous attack left Raj shaking with rage, though he had to control the white-hot heat of his anger whilst he took Veer to hospital and made sure he was all right.

The sight of Veer lying in a hospital bed made it hard to keep his calm peaceful facade in place; the sight of Veer babbling when Ishita arrived helped for a few minutes. He made himself smile and joke with the youngsters, as Veer used the incident to continue his efforts to woo Ishita; there was nothing about her that Raj disapproved of and it was good that Veer had something to distract him from his injuries, no matter how minor they supposedly were.

Leaving Veer with Siddhu and Ishita, Raj sat in a quiet corridor of the hospital, waiting for Shakti and Anwar to report to him. He felt like a volcano just waiting to erupt; in all the years since he had left Kaali behind, he had never felt such murderous rage. His little brother was his Achilles’ heel; the one thing in his life that was completely untouched by any of the violence he had so routinely lived with. For violence to have touched Veer now was completely unacceptable, and he would have his revenge even if he had to burn King’s operation to the ground to get it.

That night, Raj let Kaali out. It almost wasn’t enough to sate his need for revenge, but it would have to do for now. Shakti and Anwar had said that King lived a very secure life, very similar to the one that the Bakhshis had lived fifteen years ago. It would be impossible to take him down whilst holding on to his hard-won anonymity. Kaali Bakhshi could have destroyed King in a few days; Raj Bakhshi couldn’t do anything of the sort.

And so, Raj had to bide his time whilst he worked out exactly how he would handle King; he wasn’t worried, he knew that with time he would extract payment for each drop of Veer’s blood that had been spilled.

It was interesting, to say the least, for King himself to turn up at the garage the very next day. The encounter amused Raj but it also took control to not just rip King’s head off then and there; he could have done it but he had spent too long building this life to simply throw it away in a moment of anger.

Watching King drive away calmed him a little; he knew he would win eventually and simple irritation at King’s overt flamboyance now added a personal angle to his desire to take down his organisation.

The encounter with King also brought Raj’s violent dreams to the surface. He woke night after night from dreams where he shot, beat and destroyed all the people who had kept him away from Meera, as well as reliving many of the violent encounters he had been part of as a young man.

More than once, Raj found himself standing in front of the mirror, his fingers running over the perfect circle of the scar that Meera’s bullet had left on him. Such a small wound, such a small scar and yet so many memories contained in each little bump of skin.

Life went back to normal over the next few weeks. Veer and Ishita grew closer and closer, though Veer somehow seemed to think that Raj was oblivious to his romance.

Meera watched as Ishita smiled and blushed as she talked to Veer on the phone; she knew about Veer and she trusted Ishita’s judgement, so she was willing to wait till Ishita wanted to tell her more. Ishu had told Meera about Veer when they first met, and then again when he had ended up in hospital. The young man sounded nice enough; a small business owner from Goa wasn’t necessarily who she had seen her sister ending up with, but if that was who Ishita wanted then she wouldn’t stand in her way. It was nice to watch her glow and be happy; Meera loved her little sister so much that she ignored the sharp pangs of envy which sometimes troubled her, and if her dreams were much more troubled than they had been for years, she ignored that too.

It took just over two months, but Veer eventually gathered up his courage and sat down with Raj. It was one of the funniest mornings of Raj’s life. Veer had obviously talked to Shakti, Anwar and Siddhu before deciding to tackle Raj. Shakti and Anwar had conveyed their conversations to Raj (why Veer hadn’t realised that they would tell him everything, Raj had no idea), and Raj knew all the idiotic scenarios Veer had come up with. Why he thought his elder brother would object to him getting married, he had no idea, but he was determined to enjoy it while he could.

The conversation that morning would have gone on forever without any conclusion if Ishita hadn’t stepped in. In a step that gained her Raj’s respect, she clearly and calmly stated that she and Veer really loved each other and she hadn’t wanted him to hear about it from anyone else.

Her words sent a shiver of memory down Raj’s spine.

God, would he be forever haunted? It wasn’t unusual, it wasn’t unexpected that she would want Veer to tell Raj himself.

So what if Meera had used those exact words all those years ago. So what if their lives had been destroyed when his beloved had revealed her love for him to her father, all those years ago.

And so Raj did exactly what Meera’s father hadn’t done, all those years ago.

Raj told Ishita that he would like to meet her family the next day, if they were free.

Ishita came home and told Meera all about what had happened with Veer’s brother. She had told Meera all about Veer some weeks before, answering all of her elder sister’s questions and telling her as much as she could about Veer. It took Meera a little while to accept that Ishita would be leaving her; she had known that it would happen eventually, but she hadn’t expected it to come upon her quite so quickly. She calmed herself down by remembering that it would take several months to arrange a wedding and that Ishita wouldn’t be moving very far away; she would still be able to see her sister as much as she wanted.

Still, being prewarned meant that she was ready for Ishita to come home and tell her that she would be receiving a visit from Veer’s elder brother. Meera took the time to ask exactly who would be coming and what this famed Raj Bhai was like; it reassured her that he seemed a calm, kind indulgent man who clearly adored his brother. (After all, a man who loved his brother would surely find it impossible to be unkind to the woman his brother loved.)

 Once Meera and Ishita finished talking, Ishita called Veer and said that her sister was also keen to meet Raj, and telling him that her sister would be at home to meet him for lunch.

With the meeting confirmed, both sets of siblings looked forward to the next day with different emotions.

Veer and Ishita slept peacefully, their dreams filled with joy and love and hope for the future.

Raj and Meera slept fitfully; both of them remembered another night when the following day had promised to be full of joy and happiness, and both of them remembered exactly how that had turned out. Both of them knew that they wouldn’t let their siblings be as unhappy as they themselves had been; they knew they would give their siblings every chance to have a happy marriage.

If only they had known exactly who they would be meeting that next morning.


	27. Kaali and Meera

As Raj drove towards Ishita’s house, he thought about all the things that needed to be discussed. He listed things off to himself: he had his backstory well embedded in his memory, he could talk comfortably about the Bakhshi’s lineage and origins, he was financially settled and had made sure that Veer would never have any money worries, he had thought about how to set the house up so that Veer and Ishita would have a whole ‘wing’ to themselves and have their privacy and he himself was quite happy with whatever wedding date Ishita’s sister wanted to set.

He himself had no queries about Ishita’s family. All that mattered to him what that his brother loved the girl; if she was descended from Satan himself, he wouldn’t care.

While he sat in the middle of Ishita’s house, the sunlight filtering in through the gauzy curtains, he looked around curiously. There were no pictures of the family that he could look at; the only way he could gauge what kind of person he would be meeting was by looking at the decor of the room he was in.

Raj was trying to form some kind of impression when he heard a door opening above him; he looked up at where the sound came from but the sunlight blinded him, leaving him unprepared to hear Meera’s voice say “I’m sorry, I think you’ve......”

For a second, he thought it was his imagination playing a cruel trick on him, but as she stepped forward out of the direct glare of the sun, he saw instead that it was indeed Meera who stood at the top of the stairs.

Their eyes met, she looking down at him like a queen, he looking up at her as the supplicant he had always known himself to be. Momentarily stunned, he couldn’t speak; instead he stood and watched as she walked down the stairs towards him. He couldn’t help himself; he revelled in the reality of her presence as he looked his fill. She was as beautiful as she had ever been; fifteen years had done nothing to diminish the wonder he felt when he looked at her. As she walked towards him, he could see the maturity time had given her. He couldn’t help his foolish heart yearning for her, needing her, wanting to feel her close to him for just one moment. The sight of her was like a balm for the constant ache in his heart, but also like a shot of lightening through his blood.

Meera felt as if she was in a nightmare; as she forced herself to take one step after another, she bit the inside of her lip just to make sure she was awake. The pain assured her that she was; it also brought her out of the mad whirl of thoughts going round and round in her mind.

By the time she had reached the bottom of the stairs, her steely facade was firmly in place. She stood in front of him, not an ounce of give in her stance as she waited for him to speak.

He stepped forward as if drawn towards her by a magnetic force.

“Meera” he started to say something, anything, but words failed him.

She held herself in place by sheer force of will, her body instinctively wanting to move towards him and press close, feel his arms close around her in a way she had accepted as impossible.

“Kaali. I should have realised that you hadn’t died. Men like you are impossible to kill.”

She paused for a moment, glaring at him.

“Of all the Veers in the world, why did my sister have to fall for Veer Bakhshi? Now that I know that Veer is your brother, I’m never going to let Ishita meet him again”

He drew a sharp breath in “Meera, will you just listen to me. Please. There’s been a huge misunderstanding. I wanted to tell you the truth, but you had left.” There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he knew she was in no mood to listen to him. The pure hatred in her eyes hurt him deep inside, but Raj knew there was nothing he could say that would make her listen, not until she had had some time to accept the fact that he was alive.

How he longed to tell her how he had missed her, explain to her what had happened, proclaim how much he still loved her. It was pointless to think she would listen, especially now, but simply having her close and knowing where she was living gave him hope that perhaps someday she would listen to what he had to say.

That faint hope was so much more than he had even dreamed of having before he walked into this house, he was clinging on to it as tight as he could.

Before he could speak again, she burst out “Don’t even talk to me, Kaali, just don’t. How dare you? I know what I saw. You played me for a fool, didn’t you? I trusted you, and you betrayed me.”

She stopped herself from saying anymore, aware that she was losing control of herself. She was torn between wanting to claw his eyes out and wanting to throw herself into his arms.

Angry with herself, she felt hot tears start to burn at the back of her eyes. She would rather die than show him any signs of weakness.

Taking a deep breath in, she made herself say calmly.

“Get out. Leave.”

He stared at her for a moment, committing her image to his memory, drinking in every detail that he could.

Before she spoke again, he turned away and started to walk out, pausing as he heard her voice behind him.

“Kaali. Today, I’m letting you walk out of here simply because of what it would do to Ishita if she found out about the past. But if you ever come here again, then I’ll take your life.”

The irony of hearing his long ago words repeated back to him in such a bitter tone broke his heart all over again, but he made himself keep walking.

He got in his car and started driving, speeding down the empty road in an attempt to outrun his thoughts.

Where were they to go from here?


	28. Meera

Meera climbed the stairs to her room slowly, holding her composure together by sheer force of will until she closed the door quietly behind her.

She felt hot tears start to fall from her eyes, the control she had perfected over the past fifteen years vanishing as if it had been a facade that had started to crumble the minute she saw Kaali again.

There were servants in the house, and the walls were too thin; she stripped, leaving her clothes lying haphazardly on the floor and went to stand in the shower, knowing that the sound of the water would muffle the sounds of her sobs.

She stood there for as long as she could, the steaming hot water washing away her tears as fast as she spilled them; sobs wracked her body till she felt as if she were going to crack. She wanted to scream as she had once screamed with her father’s body lying in front of her, but somehow that sound remained trapped inside her heart; all that came out were gasps and whimpers and muffled curses.

Anger filled her; how could she let him have such power over her? So what if he wasn’t dead. It didn’t matter anymore. It had been fifteen long years; Meera was no longer the vulnerable young woman she now knew herself to have been. She would just ignore his existence. Ishita would have to listen to her; it was impossible to let her have any kind of relationship with Kaali’s brother. Meera would have to simply put a stop to it; she could only hope that Ishita would listen to her without any clear explanation.

When the steam started to make her feel like she was choking, Meera shut off the hot water and stepped out of the shower. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her, then stood in front of the fogged up mirror. There was a hazy image visible; she wiped away some of the condensation and stared at her reflection, trying to catalogue the changes which had happened over the last fifteen years.

What had Kaali seen when he had looked at her? Had he seen only the confident woman the rest of the world saw? Meera could only hope that the image she normally maintained had been enough to show him that she had flourished without him. It was silly; she shouldn’t give a damn what he thought when he looked at her; what did it matter what a lying murdering cheating deceiver thought of her?

Meera couldn’t help herself; she thought over and over about the way Kaali had seemed when he had seen her. She knew she had seen something in his eyes; it was hard to parse her memory, hazed at it was with wrath and hurt, but she thought he had looked at her with regret, perhaps hurt.

The thought triggered another wave of rage. How dare Kaali feel hurt? _She_ was the one who had been hurt. He had betrayed her and destroyed her and he hadn’t even had the decency to stay dead. He had come there to her house to talk about his brother’s future, looking comfortably settled (he looked amazing, a tiny voice whispered inside her), prosperous and secure, happily inhabiting the role of elder brother. Kaali was probably married himself, perhaps he even had children. Here she had spent her life mourning what she had lost, unable to let another man touch her even when she tried, and there he was, having quite clearly moved on with his life. How dare he remind her of all the things she had lost, wishes and dreams she hadn’t even known about before he forced himself into her life?

Rage and anguish built to a peak inside her and on a wave of emotion, she stormed out of the bathroom and dressed; within half an hour she was speeding to the restaurant where Ishu was waiting to hear the outcome of Meera’s meeting with Veer’s brother.

It was hard to tell Ishita that she didn’t want her to meet Veer anymore; it was even harder to resist the pain-filled eyes with which her sister looked at her when she asked for a reason, and it almost broke her resolve when tears flowed from Ishita’s eyes.

The memory of the heartbreak she had experienced when Kaali broke her heart strengthened her resolve; no matter what happened, she wouldn’t let her sister become part of a family that could produce betrayers like him.


	29. Kaali

As he drove away from his staggering meeting with Meera, Raj could barely believe what had just happened. He remembered that she had a sister called Ishita, they had talked about their siblings when they had been together. He couldn’t quite understand the cruel turn of fate that had led Veer to meet Ishita Malik, but it seemed that the words he had spoken in jest so many years ago had come true; Veer had started loving Ishita and he just hadn’t been able to stop.

Goodness only knew what he would tell his little brother. Raj tried to concentrate on how he would handle the conversation he needed to have with Veer, but all he could think about was the fact that he had seen Meera. She had been there, standing in front of him, almost close enough to touch and yet as far from him as if a canyon had been between them.

He wanted to turn back; storm into the house, pull her close and shake the hard bitterness out of her.  If he could just persuade her to listen to him, he might be able to make her believe the truth of what had happened.

Raj let out a frustrated laugh at the thought of touching Meera when she didn’t want to be touched; she would break his arm then break his neck and dispose of his body without even breaking a sweat if he dared to lay a hand on her. She may have adopted a veneer of respectability in the same way that he had but he could recognise the same contained violence deep in her eyes that he knew still lived inside him.

There was a yearning deep within him, a need to run his hands over every inch of her just so he could convince himself that she was really there. He wanted to run his fingers over her skin, use his lips to map the changes in her body; he wanted to have the right to touch every inch of her and there was a sharp pain pounding behind his eyes when he thought about what life would be like now.

It had been bad enough for him to live without her when he had no idea where she was, but at least the very fact of her unavailability had forced him to accept a life without her. Now that he knew where Meera was, knew that she was somewhere he could see her and be near her and perhaps even hear her voice; it made the longing even worse than it had been in those first days when he had been learning to live without her.

Everything was of course made worse by the intense hatred with which she had looked at him. Part of him wished he hadn’t seen her; knowing the depth of her hatred was so much worse than just imagining it.

The loud beep of a car horn made him jump; the realisation set in that he was driving his car far too fast for the small back  road that he was on. Raj forced himself to take a deep breath; he pulled his car off the road and parked near a large rock. Getting out, he walked to the edge of the cliff and looked over; the sound of the waves hitting the rocks helped to calm his thoughts.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he breathed in deeply, letting the salty tang of the ocean fill his mind. He could still smell Meera’s spicy perfume; she still used the same one she had worn fifteen years ago when they had been together.

Fifteen years, four months, ten days. Standing there, looking out at the ocean, he acknowledged to himself that he knew exactly how long it had been since he had last seen her.

In those fifteen years, four months and ten days, not a day had passed when he didn’t think about her. He had suppressed so much of his longing and yet he had never been able to forget her enough to move on.

Raj made himself think about it; someone as amazing as Meera was must have found someone else in all this time. Though there had been no obvious signs in the house, it didn’t mean that Meera didn’t have a husband or a boyfriend. It was absolute folly to imagine that she was single; even if she were, her hatred for him was so entrenched that he had no chance of ever persuading her to listen to him.

And perhaps it was only right that she felt that way. His hadn’t been the hand to pull the trigger that killed her father, but if he hadn’t been in Meera’s life then neither her father nor his would have died that day.

Their mad love had led to such massive destruction once already; now her hatred was going to destroy the happiness of both her sister and his brother. And yet, there was nothing he could do to stop her, no argument he would win that would convince her to let them be together.

The only people who could have told Meera the truth of what happened during his meeting with her father would either have been her father himself or perhaps Raghav. Both of those were clearly impossible; her father was dead and that weasel Raghav would never admit how badly he had betrayed her.

Raj stood looking at the ocean for a long time, then drove back home. As was usual, he walked over to Shakti and Anwar’s place; when he told them what had happened, they were as shocked as he had been.

What could they do except help him to break the news to Veer that Ishita’s sister had refused to even consider letting them marry; there was nothing else to be said. Veer initially refused to believe it, but when he spoke to Ishita, the truth sank in.

Nothing in his life had prepared Veer for such a feeling of loss. Death and bereavement were things he had experienced, but to be unable to be with the woman he loved for reason which no-one would reveal to him drove Veer insane.

For the next few days, Raj was left battling his own feelings of anguish and heartbreak whilst trying at the same time to convince Veer that there was nothing anyone could do to persuade Ishita’s sister to give in.

Nightmares and dreams plagued Raj’s sleep, to the point where he was sleeping no more than a couple of hours a night.

He responded by throwing himself into work, both at the garage and at home. If he could have, he would have driven away, leaving everything behind him, but that was an impossibility. Veer would do something outrageous if he wasn’t there to stop him, and so he bided his time, hoping against hope that time and distance would lessen Veer’s attachment to Ishita. (He knew it was a losing battle; after all, hadn’t he held on to his love for Ishita’s sister for more than fifteen years in even less hopeful circumstances).

During the days after Raj and Meera’s disastrous meeting, they were both driven to the brink of insanity by the persistence with which both Veer and Ishita kept asking the same questions over and over and over. It was a testament to the love and respect that they held their elder siblings in that they didn’t just defy them and do what they wanted, but that didn’t stop them from doing their best to find a way around Meera’s intransigience.

When Veer and Siddhu finally came up with their ridiculous plan to try and force Meera and Raj back together, in the hope of casting Raj in the role of white knight, it was almost a relief.


	30. An Encounter

After the ridiculous back-story that Anwar and Shakti had come up with for him, Raj knew that sooner or later he would be dealing with some ridiculous plan or other that Veer would come up with. Even as a child, Veer had a penchant for the preposterous, coming up with the most outlandish stories to explain why he had performed badly at school, or why his teachers had wanted to talk to Randhir.

In the years they had been living in Goa, he had less need to be so outrageous; Raj hardly ever scolded him so he never needed to come up with an excuse for anything.

It seemed that those years of dormancy had left his imagination raring to go; there was nothing else which could explain the absolutely preposterous plan that he came up with. Siddhu was of course his side-kick in the madness as always, but Raj knew that Veer was the instigator of the lunacy.

The first hint he had of the maelstrom Veer had thrown him into was when his phone rang one afternoon. He was sitting in his office dealing with some accounts; answering the phone absentmindedly, he was taken aback to hear Meera’s voice.

“Were you involved with this?”

“Meera........” he barely knew how to respond; she was the last person he would have expected to hear on the end of the phone.

“Kaali, were you involved with this?

“What are you talking about, Meera? I honestly have no idea”

“Some idiot stopped my car today, an absolute joke. It was almost like someone had asked him to put on an act, try and scare me, maybe hoping I’d come crying asking for help. Were you standing somewhere close by, Kaali? Were you going to come to my rescue like some white knight?”

Raj held onto his temper by the skin of his teeth.

“Meera, you’re making no sense. Either you tell me clearly what happened or I’m putting the phone down. And for fuck’s sake, stop calling me Kaali. Ishita must have told you, my name is Raj. Will you just tell me what happened?

“Go to hell, Kaali”

Barely restraining herself from throwing her phone across the room, Meera cut off the call and slumped back on her bed.

What had possessed her to phone him? Raj, Kaali, whatever he was calling himself now, why on earth had used the phone number Ishita had given her days ago to call him?

Meera knew that he hadn’t been involved with the man who had stopped her today; it was more than likely just a random idiot. Perhaps the man who had stopped her was delusional, or maybe that was just the type of petty criminal that Goa produced.

She groaned, finally admitting to herself that she had called Kaali- no Raj- because she wanted to hear his voice. It was utterly pathetic that she had given in to her need to hear his voice again, but her dreams last night had been full of him and she hadn’t been able to resist. Over and over, Meera had seen the look in his eyes as they had faced each other with the bodies of their dead fathers in front of them.

In the many years they had been apart, Meera had refused to think about the way he had looked at her, love and sadness and resignation all mixed in with regret. But seeing him again, listening to him say that she had misunderstood, that had brought back all the memories she had so forcefully suppressed. She couldn’t help the tiny voice inside her head that wanted to believe him when he said that she had misunderstood, that he hadn’t killed her father.

Before she could berate herself any further, she heard the sound of a car roaring into her driveway; a few moments later there was the sound of someone pounding on the front door.

Meera was alone at home; the housekeeper had the day off and Ishita was off somewhere with her friends. She looked out of the window and saw Raj’s distinctive orange-and-black monstrosity parked outside her house.

Anger flaring to life again, she ran downstairs and threw the door open.

“How dare you come here? Take one step into this house and I will kill you.”

The sight of Meera standing there, uninjured, quieted the worry which had been with him since she had told him that she had been accosted.  Raj knew that Meera was more than capable of dealing with any threat, but she could still have been hurt.

“I didn’t have anything to do with anyone attacking you, Meera. I know you hate me, but don’t believe that of me at least.”

She glared at him, hatred still filling her expression.

“Just get out of here, _Raj_.” She filled his name with disdain.

“Are you alright? He didn’t hurt you?” he knew it was pointless to ask her, knew that she would laugh in his face, but he couldn’t stop himself from speaking.

She didn’t disappoint; he had never realised how caustic laughter could be.

“ _You_ are asking if I’m okay? You? Go to hell, _Raj_ , just go to hell before I decide to send you there myself.”

He couldn’t help the hand that lifted as if to touch her; unsurprised, he watched as she drew back and glared at him even harder.

For a moment, as their eyes met, he could see the pain hidden deep behind the hatred she showed so clearly. If only she would listen to him, just for a few minutes, perhaps he might be able to start convincing her that she was wrong; but she was as closed off as she had been fifteen years ago.

Raj let his hand fall back to his side then took a step back himself, holding her gaze with his in a vain effort to convey his sincerity to her.

Meera couldn’t bear to look into his eyes for even a second more; there was something in them that made her want to give in and listen, let him persuade her that he was right.

But he couldn’t be right. He couldn’t be telling the truth, that she had misunderstood and shot him without reason. If he wasn’t a liar and a cheat, it would mean that she had tortured them both for fifteen years for no reason at all.

So she looked away, stepped back and slammed the door in his face.

He felt like an idiot as he did it, but he couldn’t stop himself; raising his hand, he lay it against the wooden door as if he could feel her standing on the other side.

After a couple of moments of foolishness, he walked back to his car; looking up he saw her standing in the window of an upstairs room, staring down at him. When she saw him looking at her, she stepped back, but that one brief moment of weakness gave him hope.

Someday, maybe, she would listen to him.


	31. Siblings

Driving back to the garage, Raj wondered who had stopped Meera’s car. Between the three of them, he and Anwar and Shakti had dealt with all of the petty criminals in the area, leaving it one of the safest parts of Old Goa. It didn’t sound like it was one of King’s men either; they seemed to be only interested in drug deals, not random attacks on lone women.

As he walked up to the workshop, he heard his idiot brother and his even more idiotic friends discussing what they had done.

“Have you gone insane Veer?” he said once he had finally heard enough.

“What did you think would happen Veer, did you think that doing something like this would make her............”

He couldn’t quite bring himself to verbalise what he knew they had hoped; there was a childish part of him that wished their plan had worked.

“That relationship is over now,” he admitted, finally confirming what they had been speculating about, “there’s nothing to be gained from all of this. It’s not worth it, and Veer, all of this just isn’t good. Don’t do such idiotic things. All of that is over now.”

Turning away from the maddening group in front of him, his attempt to close down any further discussion of the matter was thwarted when he heard Ishita’s voice.

“How can you say that?”

He looked at her over his shoulder, hoping that perhaps she would be cowed by his scowl. Clearly, years of living with Meera had left her immune to intimidating facial expressions. Without a pause, she continued “Bhaiyya, first of all I absolutely refuse to believe that my sister left you because of money.”

Raj sighed; it was of course impossible to persuade anyone who knew Meera well that the story Anwar had concocted was true.

Ishita continued “Whatever her reasons for leaving you were, there’s still got to be something that has stopped her from marrying anyone else?”

Her words hit deep inside him, in that needy part of him that wanted Meera to have missed him as much as he had missed her; his hands stilled from where they had been fiddling with some part of a car as he absorbed the information Ishita had just given him.

Meera hadn’t married. She didn’t have a husband. Something like relief went through him as he realised that she wasn’t committed to anyone else; Raj knew that if she was, it wouldn’t matter what she felt for him, she would never betray any promises she had made.

He made himself move again as he heard Veer whisper something to Ishita. Before Raj could stop her from saying anymore, she burst out with “why hasn’t she taken anyone into her life?”

Her words were killing him, giving him hope when he knew he shouldn’t dare to feel any. These children had no idea what lay between him and Meera. They assumed she had been pining for him where the truth was more likely that he had given her such a disgust of men that she had never bothered with another serious relationship.

Before Raj could descend into a self-pitying spiral where he allowed himself to over-estimate the impact his actions had on Meera’s life, all the actors involved in the car-stopping debacle joined voices to deliver the final blow to his outer calm.

One after the other, they each decided to add their tuppence worth.

“You didn’t marry anyone either did you, Bhaiyya? You’ve never had a relationship, at least not a serious one, have you?”

Raj had finally had enough. He turned back to face them, only to find Meera’s little sister standing right in front of him.

Ishita looked at him with such compassion in her eyes that he felt a wave of affection for her. The sweetness Meera had told him all those years ago was clearly still one of her defining traits.

“The only person who knows what is in your heart is you, Bhaiyya,” she said quietly enough that the others couldn’t hear her.

Raj couldn’t quite hold her gaze, knowing that if she could see his eyes, she would be able to see the helpless devotion which had lasted for more than fifteen years.

She continued “But there’s one thing that I can finally see clearly about my sister; it doesn’t matter what happened in the past, but somehow, somewhere deep inside her, she still hasn’t been able to forget her first love.”

As Ishita’s words hit home, Raj couldn’t help but look at her, needing to gauge the truth of her words. Was she just saying what she had to make him help her and Veer be together.

A moment later he felt ashamed for having doubted her; she clearly meant everything she said. Raj realised he must be giving everything away with the look on his face, but at this point it was hardly a secret that somewhere in the past he and Meera had been in love.

Raj looked straight at Ishita, and for a moment let her see the longing in his heart; just for a moment before he shuttered his expression again and looked away.

Rather than continue the discussion that was excoriating his soul, he tossed the oily rag he had been holding to Veer and said “Veer, make sure you deliver this car”.

He walked away, knowing that the moment of weakness he had shown would lead to more attempts to force both he and Meera to interact and confront their feelings. He wished he had been strong enough not to react to Ishita’s words, but it would have been impossible. Knowing that Meera had, like him, been unwilling to have a serious relationship made him glad, though he knew it shouldn’t have.

It was actually a pathetic reaction; he loved her, he should have wanted her to be happy. But he wasn’t that good a man; he wished that she had had some love in her life, but it thrilled some pre-historic part of him to know that there was still a chance she could be his. She would never walk away from her promises, but knowing that she had never made promises to anyone except him pleased the part of him that had felt the same single-mindedness.

It was foolish, but he sent her a text message; he had stored her phone number when she had called.

“The man who stopped you did it because my brother asked him to. You were right, they wanted me to swoop in and rescue you. They’ve worked out that we were together. I think they’re hoping that if you forgive me, you’ll let them be together.”

There was deafening silence from her over the next twenty-four hours.

Eventually, he got a message back.

“Control him. Tell him it’s never going to happen. I will never forgive you.”

Even though the message should have made him despair, the very fact that she had sent a response gave him a tiny degree of hope.

“I’ll try. Don’t blame me if I don’t succeed though; he loves your sister and your sister loves him.”

After that there was silence again; it didn’t matter. She had responded once and that was enough of a break in the wall that he was couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of hope.


	32. Waiting and Planning

Raj should have realised that Veer wouldn’t be able to leave it at that. His brother must have taken heart from the fact that Raj hadn’t absolutely forbidden him from interfering further; the gentle rebuke he had received after his first attempt at matchmaking was certainly not enough to dissuade him from another attempt.

It took Veer a little while, but he managed to persuade Ishita that there was at least scope for discussion; Raj Bhaiyya had certainly not seemed to really object to being forced into contact with Meeradi. Though she protested that Meeradi had been furious and absolutely unimpressed with Veer’s prank, Ishita eventually agreed to at least discuss what had triggered such disproportionate reactions from their siblings.

After some consideration (and much speculation) Veer and Ishita decided that whatever had happened in the past, Raj Bhaiyya had been at fault and Meeradi was the one who needed to be won over. Once that had been agreed, Veer couldn’t help but think that his ‘white-knight’ gambit had the best chance of success; he did admit that it was probably best to not get anyone else involved, but instead just create an opportunity for Raj Bhaiyya to show himself in the best possible light. This would hopefully allow him to win Meeradi over. (Veer honestly couldn’t understand how anyone could stay angry with his brother; surely any woman would consider herself lucky to have him in her life).

Having learned from his first misstep, he spent some time asking Ishita about her sister. Veer was slightly intimidated by what he learned; an independent, successful, powerful businesswoman was not someone who would be easily fooled. Seeing pictures of her with Ishita did however explain to him part of the reason why Raj Bhai had found it so hard to forget her; she was absolutely stunning (in a slightly intimidating way) and in those pictures where Ishita had captured her whole hearted smile, Meera looked absolutely enchanting.

Though his initial intention was simply to further his future with Meera, after learning more about the life that Meeradi and Ishita had led over the past nine years, Veer began to think about how much Raj Bhaiyya ad Meeradi had missed out on due to their responsibilties.

As Veer and Ishita discussed the situation, it became clear to them that at some point in the past, Meera and Veer hadn’t just had a short affair; they had clearly been deeply in love. The rupture between them had been devastating enough to be the cause of their loneliness over the years.

And so it was not simply self-interest which made Veer and Ishita try once more to patch things up between their siblings; it was also the sense that somehow they would be doing something wonderful for the siblings who had given them so much over the years.

After much debate and after comparing Meera and Raj’s schedules, Veer and Ishita realised that they had a small window of opportunity; once a week, both older siblings travelled along the same stretch of a quiet road at similar times. With a little coordination, they would be able to ensure that Meera arrived on that stretch of road first; Veer would use his knowledge of cars to cause Meera to be stranded for at least a little while, Ishita would make sure that she didn’t have her phone with her and Siddhu would be tasked with ensuring that Raj would arrive just at the right time.

The whole plan wasn’t planned with the exact precision of an army campaign, but the three plotters certainly tried their best. The only thing they had left undecided was when the best moment of be to put their plan into action.

Whilst the youngsters plotted away, their older siblings continued their lives all unawares.

Both of them were aware that simple proximity made it highly likely that they would embarrassingly bump into each other in public; though she told herself it was only so that Raj could truly appreciate what he had lost, Meera ensured that she always appeared her best when she went out, just in case she encountered him.

Raj was more honest with himself; he looked in the mirror and it made his heart sink when he saw a middle-aged man. He made sure his beard was trimmed and made the effort to refresh his wardrobe. Thankfully his regular workouts had kept him looking fit; he admitted to himself that he wanted Meera to feel the same attraction that she used to when she looked at him (even if she didn’t admit it to herself) and so started dressing less like an ‘uncle’.

Despite each of their unspoken desire to see each other, fate seemed to be against them. Not once did they catch sight of each other when out and about.

One month after the ‘prank’, Veer finally decided that the time was right.

During that month, he and Ishita had met only occasionally, and never alone. Ishita was absolutely determined that she wouldn’t openly defy her sister; she talked to Veer only a little and made sure there were always other people around when they met. She was certainly skirting the boundaries of what Meera would have found acceptable, but she hadn’t crossed them completely.

Not being able to meet Ishita as much as he wanted to had left Veer with a lot of time to watch his Raj Bhaiyya, and what he saw was almost pitiable.

Raj worked out a lot, exhausting himself in the gym. He slept poorly. He hardly ate. Both Shakti and Anwar were worried about him. He found excuses to drive near to but not quite directly past Meera’s restaurant and house. He worked himself harder than any of his employees.

It was clear that he was battling with some inner torment.

After a month of watching his brother suffer, Veer knew that he should act.

And so, he did.


	33. Meeting in the Rain

On the night that Veer and Ishita finally put their plan into action, Raj was driving himself back from a late evening meeting with a client who wanted several cars modified.

He was mulling over the details of the work that would need to be done, happy to have something to occupy himself with and stop him thinking about Meera.

For a moment it seemed as if just that one thought of Meera had conjured her up; when he saw her standing next to her car, he thought he had imagined her.

It was only when he saw that she had her hand up, apparently hoping someone would stop to help her that he realised that Meera actually was standing there.

Raj saw the moment she realised who it was that was stopping to help her. It was a strangely poignant moment for him; he could see that she wished that her saviour had been anyone but him. But he could also see that Meera knew he _would_ help her; despite everything she still knew that she could rely on him to fix this for her.

As she saw Raj draw up in his car, Meera wished the earth would swallow her up; not because she was embarrassed that her car had broken down, but instead because for one long moment she had been overjoyed to see him. The utter faith she had had in him all those years ago unconsciously rose up inside her, and for that moment it felt so right that he was there to help her.

Their eyes met for a moment as he drew to a stop, but as he switched off the engine, he was suddenly strangely awkward.

Meera looked at him with stricken eyes; she wanted nothing but to send him away and just deal with the problem herself but a part of her somehow accepted it as just and correct that he should be the one to support and protect her. For one moment, she gave in to her weakness, and in that moment he turned just slightly to look at her.

Meera couldn’t meet his eyes; for some reason she didn’t want to see what was hidden there. As he jumped out of his car, she prepared herself to send him away; in that one moment it started pouring with rain.

Looking up at the suddenly sodden sky, she cursed inwardly. Was there anything else that could go wrong that night?

By the time she looked back at him, Raj was stalking towards her, the white shirt plastered to his body highlighting his leonine muscularity.

Before he could speak, she opened the car door and sat inside; even though he was going to fix her car and help her, she refused to speak to him.

Somehow the fact that she wouldn’t even speak to him didn’t discourage Raj; instead it felt just right. It was utterly foolish, but her unconscious acceptance that he _would_ help her, that he had the _right_ to help her, that acceptance soothed something inside him.

As Raj knelt at the rear of Meera’s car, his hands automatically correcting the problems he found in the engine, his mind wandered.

If things had been different, perhaps Meera would have just gone to get an umbrella. Perhaps she would stand next to him, protecting him from the rain as he fixed her car. Perhaps she would smile as he looked up at her and keep smiling as he stood to take her hand. Perhaps they would dance in the rain, enjoying a moment of joyous light-heartedness together.

All of those things could have happened, if only things had been different.

As he finished fixing the problem, he forced himself to stop his imaginings. What good did it do him to wish and dream? Though she was there, she still hated him.

With that strict admonishment to himself, he closed the car boot and stood, his knees aching as he straightened from the wet cold concrete; at that moment he felt every one of his forty-four years.

Taking a deep breath, he walked to her window and tapped on it.

Meera had spent the fifteen minutes it had taken for Raj to fix her car stoking her anger. Her disgust at her own weakness grew as she contemplated his sins. How could she have come so close to forgetting what he had done? He was as liar, a betrayer, a deceiver who had broken her family to pieces. Was she really so weak as to think about forgiving him, just because her unruly body was stil drawn to him?

What did it matter that the look in his eyes spoke of love and sorrow and a desperate plea for her to forgive him?

By the time Raj tapped on her car window, she had forced herself into a fury. The look she threw at him was full of hate and disdain, and she took the key without a word of thanks.

Driving off, she saw him in her rear view mirror, standing in the pouring rain. Despite the way she had just treated him, he was still watching her leave with a look of longing on his face.

As she drove, she became aware of a car following hers; Meera saw that it was Raj, keeping a little distance between them. For a moment she wondered what he was doing, but a brief glance at the look on his face made everything clear to her. He was following her to make she got safely to her destination.

Meera didn’t know whether to laugh or lose her temper. She wanted to stop her car and confront him but the memory of the look in his eyes stopped her. She wasn’t sure what he would do if she forced a confrontation; what was worse was that she wasn’t sure what she would do.

It was sadly true that despite stoking her anger as much as she could, she was still deeply affected by his nearness. If she confronted him, Meera wasn’t sure that she would be able to stop herself from wrapping her arms around him and begging him to explain his version of the past.

She wasn’t sure that she would be able to stop herself from believing whatever he told her, whether it was the truth or not.

It was that weakness which made her keep driving. As she reached home and turned into her driveway, their eyes met for a moment as he drove past.

In that one look she saw that he still wanted her; she wondered if he could see that she still needed him too.


	34. After the Rain

Soaked to the bone though he was, Raj didn’t drive straight home after following Meera to her house.

He felt like there was lightening contained inside him, a wild energy that had no outlet.

Dear god, was this what he had come to? Raj Bakhshi, who had once been able to give his love anything she could have asked for, was now able only to fix her car when it had broken down.

He drove to the cliffs, getting out of his car to sit with the rain lashing his body. He welcomed the physical discomfort; he had failed Meera in so many ways that he felt he deserved the punishment.

All he wanted to do was make everything right; for her, for Veer, even for little Ishita. Yet here he was, reduced to being glad that Meera would allow him to fix her car.

How far he had fallen, and yet wasn’t it what he deserved? Having made so many mistakes, both before and after his father died, what else did he expect?

As he sat there in the pouring rain, he thought back to that time. Raj knew he should have gone after her then, or if not immediately, then at least at some point in the last fifteen years.

He hadn’t because he had been too afraid of facing her hatred; seeing the revulsion in her eyes was almost more than he could bear. Now he was paying for his cowardice.

There had to be a way he could fix this. Raj sat there for hours, wracking his brain for a strategy by which he could persuade Meera to listen to him.

His thoughts were interspersed with memories of the way she had looked that night. He could have touched her as he handed the car keys to her; he had wanted to let his fingers touch hers, linger for a moment.

He had wanted to see if heat still sparked when their skin touched, see if she was still as affected by him as she had been fifteen years ago.

Raj still didn’t know why he had held back, but sitting there in the rain he thought about what it would have felt like to touch her again. When the longing threatened to overcome him, he forced himself to drive back home; after a hot shower, he lay in bed and tried to force himself into sleep.

Exhaustion eventually overcame him, but his sleep wasn’t restful. Raj’s dreams were full of Meera, as they often were, but for once it wasn’t memories of their youth. Instead, his dreams were full of imaginings of what it would be like to be with her now; it wasn’t the young Meera he saw himself touching. He saw himself as he was now, running his hands over her rain-drenched skin as she told him she loved him. He saw himself rubbing his face against her neck, smiling as she protested about the beard-burn he was leaving behind.

Raj dreamed he could feel her fingers training over his skin, tracing the scar her bullet had left on his chest and then trailing her lips over and over the same area.

He woke up on fire, wanting her more than ever.

If only he had known how closely Meera’s dreams mirrored his, he might have felt some satisfaction; as it was, he was left with unfulfilled longing itching under his skin.

Meera’s night passed no better than Raj’s.

She had watched him drive past, somehow disappointed that he hadn’t tried to force a confrontation himself.

Standing in the rain, taking deep breaths to try and clear her mind, she found herself feeling out of control. How dare he look at her like that? Why did he always act as if he were blameless, as if she were somehow in the wrong for not giving in to him?

Had he forgotten that she had promised to kill him; was he trying to provoke her? Surely he could just tell his brother to stay away from Ishita; she had spoken to Ishita and her sister had listened to her after all.

Meera finally calmed down enough to go into the house; she looked into Ishita’s room, glad to see her sleeping peacefully (thankfully not realising that Ishita had only stopped talking to Veer when she had heard Meera drive up).

After showering and drying off, Meera stood looking out at the pouring rain, memories running through her mind like scenes from a film.

How had they reached this point in their lives; she wished she could put her finger on the moment where everything had started to go wrong and then go back and change it.

She sighed; such thoughts were foolish in the extreme. They were where they were now, there was no changing that. What she needed to decide now was what to do. Should she take Ishita and leave? That would be the best answer; after all Raj had a life here that he wouldn’t easily leave, whilst it would be easy for her to just go back to Delhi.

Imagining Ishita’s reaction to that, Meera sighed again. Her sister wouldn’t leave Goa without an explanation that Meera didn’t want to give. She would have to think of something else.

Exhaustion suddenly weighed her down, as if a one tonne weight had landed on her shoulders. She lay in bed and let sleep overtake her.

In her dreams, Raj came to comfort her, murmuring gentle words of love and encouragement and reassurance. She dreamed of the first evening they had spent in her apartment in Bulgaria, when she had fallen asleep to the sound of his voice and the feel of his fingers stroking her hair. In her dream, she could hear his heartbeat under her ear as she snuggled into his chest; somehow though, the Raj she embraced was the one she had seen that night, his beard adding maturity to his face. In her dream, she raised her hand as she lay with her head on his chest, running her fingers along his face and enjoying the bristliness that she found there.

When she woke the next morning, Meera had very little memory of her dreams, just a sensation of having been cared for and protected. It left her unsettled; the last time she had felt that way was something she didn’t care to remember.

And so both Meera and Raj faced the next day longing for the other; the sad thing was that each had no idea how the other one felt.


	35. Sword and Shield

The morning after the rain, Meera emerged from the shower to the sound of a text message arriving on her phone.

“Don’t kill the man working on your car. I sent him. He’ll fix it and leave. I thought you would prefer me sending him rather than turning up myself”.

Throwing her phone onto her bed, she went to the window and looked out; there was indeed a man fiddling with the engine of her car.

She wanted to call down to him and tell him to leave, but she couldn’t. Another mistake to compound all the mistakes she had already made, perhaps, but she couldn’t force herself to deny Raj the right to do this for her. She felt such irritation at herself; what a typical vacillating indecisive woman she had turned into now that Raj had come back into her life. She kept sending such mixed messages that she was confusing herself; it frustrated her that having him close to her made it so hard to remember how many sins he had committed against her.

Meera turned away from the window, determined to forget all about Raj. She would have to talk to Ishita somehow; she couldn’t bear the thought of staying here for much longer, with Raj there to confuse and distract her.

The next few days passed in a haze. Now that he had been so close to Meera, Raj found it impossible to stay away from her. Every day after he had finished his work, he made his excuses to Veer and his friends and drove to the beach, parking close to her restaurant and walking up and down the sandy expanses, in what he acknowledged was a pitiable attempt to be near to Meera.

In those days, Raj was almost completely disconnected from what was happening with Veer, the business and all domestic concerns. He was certainly present at the garage every day, but his mind wasn’t in his work; he sat in front of the computer looking at the same spreadsheet for hour after hour.

Veer stepped in to handle clients and deliveries; his relationship with Ishita gave him new insight into what Raj Bhai might be feeling. It was only right that after years of Raj Bhai shouldering all the responsibilities on his own, Veer should step up and take his share of the burden.

Raj didn’t actually even think about it; he just accepted that Veer was capable of doing what was needed while he battled his demons. In some ways, that unconscious acceptance strengthened their bond even further and made Veer love his brother even more.

One night when Raj had parked in his usual spot near Meera’s place, he stopped as he usually did in the hope that he would catch a glance of her.

He saw her, walking with her head in a large book, probably her accounts or orders. Thought Raj normally didn’t let himself stare at her for too long, feeling far too much like a stalker if he did, that night he let himself watch for a while as she went about her business.

It was nice to see her relaxed, if only for a short interlude; it had been more than fifteen years since he had seen her face without anger or disgust darkening her expression.

Raj was just about to turn away and start his usual stroll on the beach when he saw a group of men enter the restaurant. He tensed as he recognised King’s men; whatever reason they had for bothering Meera couldn’t possibly be any good.

He watched for a moment, knowing that she would be furious if he intervened. He managed to keep his need to protect her under control until the moment she took the parcel of what could only be drugs and hurled it out of her restaurant.

Raj had faced Meera as an enemy and knew she was more than capable of handling herself, but they were on a beach in Goa and she had none of her henchmen around her. He doubted she even kept a gun with her anymore; he certainly didn’t and couldn’t imagine why she would.

He had sparred with her, all those years ago, and knew that she could fight if she had to; but even with her skills, there were at least twelve men in the group and only one of her; he couldn’t stop himself from throwing himself into the mix.

As he walked up the restaurant, drawing his bandana down to cover his face, Raj admitted to himself that he was aching for someone to take his anger out on; he needed an outlet for all the frustration and anguish he had experienced in the last few days. Though he had given up on violence as the answer to everything a long time ago, there was so much twisted up inside him, clawing to get out, that he welcomed the chance to exorcise it on people who truly deserved his anger.

Meera stood facing the impudent bald-headed two-bit villain who dared to try and intimidate her. His pathetic attempt at posturing almost made her laugh, but before she could show him who he was dealing with, Raj was there, standing in front of her like a bodyguard.

He had covered his face, clearly not wanting anyone to know that the mild mannered garage owner he purported to be was actually a deadly killer.

She didn’t know whether she was enraged at his presumption or just happy to see him. She knew what she wanted to feel; she wanted to feel resentment at his behaviour. She knew what she should feel; she should be furious that he had dared to interfere in her matters.

But she couldn’t bring herself to feel any of those emotions. Instead, just like the night he had fixed her car, it seemed only correct that he was there to help her when she needed him.

For a moment, all the players in the game stood in a silent stand-off, then one of the men recognised Raj as Kaali; he had been one of the people present when Raj had taken his revenge for Veer’s beating.

When the man alerted his boss, saying “Joshua, this is Kaali”, Meera’s eyes widened.

Where had they heard that name? If Kaali had spent the last fifteen years living as Raj, where had these men encountered him as Kaali?

Before she could begin to think about the implications of that name being used, Joshua threw himself at Raj.

Without even breaking a sweat, Raj simply destroyed not only Joshua but also each of the others who dared to take him on. Only five or six of the men were brave enough to attack him; when the others saw the brutal efficiency with which he dispatched their colleagues, they couldn’t run away fast enough.

Meera couldn’t help the thrill that went down her spine; seeing Raj deal so harshly with the men who had dared to threaten her was yet another one of those things that just felt right.

She didn’t want to admit it, even to herself, but a deeply primitive part of her felt it was her right to expect his unyielding defence and protection and his right to be her sword and shield.

It shamed her to feel that way, made her feel weak. When he turned to look at her, pulling his mask down to reveal himself to her, she forced herself to appear emotionless.

The look on his face was heartbreaking, a mix of longing and need and utter devastation. The pull of that look was intense; it was only by bringing the image of her dead father lying at Kaali’s feet that she was able to resist it.

Their eyes met and held, and in that moment they shared a thousand words unspoken.

Raj wanted to talk to her, tell her the truth of what happened that long-ago day; as their eyes held, he thought his chance had finally come.

But, when he took a step towards her, she turned away, refusing to acknowledge him.

There was a limit to the amount of pain he could take, and in that moment, Raj knew it would take a miracle to recover from the blow she had dealt him. He couldn’t think of a way to persuade her to listen to him, not without cutting out his beating heart and placing it at her feet.

He would do that too, if only he could believe that it would work.  Raj remembered what he had realised all those many years ago; it didn’t matter what Meera did to him, he would always love her. The fact that he loved her even now was testament to how true that was, but even he had his limits. Raj couldn’t bear any more rejection from her, not at that moment when he had allowed himself to hope she might soften.

And so, he walked away, getting in the car to drive home.

Raj lay sleepless in bed until Veer knocked at his door to remind him that he had agreed to go to church with Veer that day. With no option but to continue living, despite the feeling that his heart had been eviscerated from his chest, Raj got up and got ready to go to a house of God.


	36. The Restaurant and the Church

Veer and Ishita had been pleased by the outcome of their initial gambit. Both Meera and Raj had been left thoughtful and were distracted from what was happening around them; whilst neither younger sibling would willingly deceive their much-loved elders, they were in love and willing to accept a little guilt if they could see each other.

After a few days of reflection, the two decided that the time was right to throw Raj and Meera together again.

It wasn’t really clear what had happened the night that Veer had meddled with Meera’s car, but it was clear to them that _something_ had; there was no other explanation for why the older couple had both appeared preoccupied since that night.

The perfect opportunity to bring the two together seemed to be a chance meeting at church; the peaceful surroundings seemed the optimal setting for another encounter. They couldn’t help but cling on to the simple belief that throwing Meera and Raj together again and again would eventually lead to a breakthrough in the relationship.

It was with this in mind that they both suddenly developed a desire to go to church that Sunday morning, and persuaded their siblings that it was imperative that they come along too. Meera and Raj hadn’t had the energy to argue; each of them was looking for a distraction from thinking about the other.

If Veer and Ishita had known about what transpired at Meera’s restaurant, they may not have been so keen to throw their siblings together, but they didn’t. In their ignorance, Veer and Ishita coordinated their arrival times; once they were in sight of the church, they ducked away after offering up threadbare excuses.

Raj stood there on alone in front of the glorious church, his sunglasses hiding the dark shadows under his eyes. A few minutes when he didn’t have to put on an act for his brother were utterly welcome.

Turning to watch Ishita walk away, Meera saw him standing there. The fake smile she’d put on for her sister’s benefit faded as their eyes met.

The sight of Meera standing in front of him looking utterly unaffected by what had happened the night before was almost enough to make him furious; almost. The realisation that the look on her face was wistful, almost anxious, cooled him burgeoning temper and made him drop his gaze.

Was it possible that she wasn’t as full of hate as he thought she was? Raj was scared to hope; hope brought disappointment, and he didn’t think he could bear it if he was wrong. Difficult as it was to accept that Meera would always detest him, it was easier than fantasising about the ways he could persuade her to listen to him

A few seconds later, he looked up again; when he saw her walking towards him, it was almost enough to make him laugh. He should have remembered Meera’s penchant for confrontation.

Meera didn’t want to talk to him, but enough was enough. Last night he had been at her restaurant, now he had turned up at the church. She hadn’t thought he was following her, but maybe he was.

She forced herself to appear angry as she spoke “Are you following me?”

Raj cringed when he heard her question; he couldn’t really blame her for wondering. It was ironic that she hadn’t caught him when he really had been haunting the vicinity of her restaurant, but instead accused him of following her now that he had a genuine reason for being where she was.

“I’m here with Veer” was all he could say, knowing that she would point out Veer’s glaring absence from his side.

She didn’t disappoint.

“Where is he then?”

Before he could come up with a response, he heard King’s voice.

Raj couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or angry when he heard King say “Raj my boy! You, here?”

When King addressed himself to Meera, he realised white-hot anger was what he was feeling. The thought of King having the temerity to speak to Meera made him want to bring King to his knees right there and then. It wasn’t that he thought that Meera needed his protection; it was simply the fact that King wasn’t fit to breathe the same air as her, let alone approach her and take her name.

King was surrounded as always by a gang of hoodlums, one of them being Joshua who Raj had delivered such a beating to the night before.

“Joshua tells me that you are Meera” King said, modulating his voice in a way he probably thought was charming.

“Let me introduce myself,” he continued “I am King.”

As he spoke, he held out his hand.

Meera could hardly refuse, so she perfunctorily took the hand offered to her,

In a clear attempt to appear cordial, King offered an unctuous “Charmed” before continuing, “I had planned to come and meet you.”

When Meera looked inquiringly at King, he said “Last night, my men came to your shack when Kaali suddenly appeared.”

Raj had been in enough precarious situations to be able to keep his face showing exactly what he wanted it to, no matter what he was actually feeling, but despite that he felt just slightly off-kilter.

King he could handle without breaking a sweat, but Meera had the power to break him. It wasn’t that he was afraid of what King would do, but exposing him as Kaali here, with Veer nearby, was his worst nightmare. Added in to that was the fact that it would be the clearest and most emphatic way in which Meera could display her hatred for him.

Removing his dark glasses, he didn’t let himself look at her, knowing that the look in his eyes would be far too close to pleading. Raj could feel her eyes on him, even as King continued to speak.

“Do you know Kaali? Because if you do, tell me who he is and my men will never bother you again.”

At that, Raj finally looked into Meera’s eyes.

King kept blathering on about how his men would destroy Kaali if Meera told him who Kaali was, but to the two people standing there staring into each other’s eyes, it was as if he didn’t even exist.

At first Raj was sure she would unmask him, but as he looked into her eyes, his certainty lessened.

Though she had savoured the thought of making Raj worry, Meera had no intention of revealing any of his secrets to anyone. Whatever their battle was, it was theirs alone and no-one else had any place between them. This preening King, who had no idea who he was actually dealing with, had no chance of getting any answers from her.

That didn’t mean Meera was going to let Raj off the hook immediately. She drew the moment out as long as she could, staring into Raj’s eyes challengingly.

It took a moment, but she saw the moment Raj realised she wouldn’t betray him; before he could read anything deeper into her silence, she said “I don’t know,” and walked away, leaving Raj to deal with King and his men.

Raj couldn’t help the smile that threatened to break across his face as he took in what Meera had said. Such a small thing to give him such happiness but at that moment, it meant the world to him.

To hide his glee, he looked down and put his glasses back on. Once they were in place to hide the expression in his eyes, he interrupted King’s egomaniacal ramblings to say “Do you know what; I’m going to pray that you don’t find out who he is. After all, who knows what would happen?”

He let that statement hang in the air for just a second before returning to his role of mild-mannered garage-owner to add “To him of course, who knows what would happen to him. Not you”.

King brushed his words away and stalked off, taking his posse with him.

As they left, Raj looked over to where Meera was walking away from him, towards the church. She left him feeling so conflicted; ever since she had reappeared, he felt like he was split into separate parts with each part having different opinions on how to deal with her. At that moment, one part of him wanted to chase after her and ask her what it meant, ask her why she hadn’t exposed him.

He was on the verge of following her when Veer returned to his side; he could see Ishita rejoining Meera too. It was clear to Raj that the two had taken a few minutes to meet; he didn’t want to spoil the day for them so he turned to chat to Veer. They went into the church service; the hour or so they spent in the church gave both Meera and Raj time to think.

Things would probably have progressed differently, if only Meera hadn’t let her temper get the better of her a few days later.


	37. Confrontations

Siddhu’s thievery was finally revealed to all and the idiotic reason for it came out into the open; Raj wanted to kick him for the amount of pain he caused Shakti.

Oscar was a two-bit fence who Raj had known about for a long time; he had been pretty harmless as criminals went, and so Raj hadn’t bothered to take down his business. One good thing about him was that he had kept his sister completely away from his dealings; it was clear that having his illicit dealings revealed to her would probably shame him into finding a way to legitimise his shop.

It took some fast talking to get Oscar to agree to Siddhu and Jenny’s marriage but Raj had managed it. If only it had been as easy to persuade Shakti to listen; he had been too hurt by Siddhu’s lying and thievery to want anything to do with his brother until Raj spent several hours mediating a conversation between the two of them.

It took a lot of discussions but eventually Shakti forgave Siddhu, on the condition that Siddhu stopped his misbehaviour. It wasn’t clear why, but Siddhu had never realised that he shared ownership of some of the business and properties with Shakti; he had always assumed that they weren’t very well off (unlike Raj and Veer) and so had never asked his brother for any more money.

Once everything had been clarified and Siddhu realised that he wouldn’t have to stay a thief simply to support his family, there was general rejoicing in their small family-of-choice.

Raj took a few minutes to talk to Shakti and make sure he was ok; it had hurt him to discover his younger brother wasn’t the upright young man he had tried to make him but he understood that at least some of it was his fault. If he had been more open with him then perhaps this could all have been avoided, but Shakti hadn’t had Anjali’s example in his life, hadn’t had a strong parental example in his life the way Raj had and so hadn’t realised how crucial good communication was across generations.

All in all, dealing with the situation took much less time and created much less drama than might have been expected; by the end of that day, Jenny and Siddhu’s romance had turned into an engagement.

When Veer called Ishita to give her the good news, he couldn’t have known that he was setting off a chain of events that would end in such anguish.

Meera had come to a decision; she was going to talk to Ishita about leaving Goa. When she overheard her little sister talking to Veer in a way that made it clear that there had been no let-up in contact between them, she was genuinely hurt.

She told her sister what she felt; she had never asked Ishita for anything, not until she asked her to stop meeting Veer. Why could her sister not just do this one thing because she asked her to?

(It didn’t occur to her that she was asking her sister to do the one thing she herself hadn’t been able to; forget her first love. There was a strange irony to the fact that she thought that Ishita should be able to walk away from Veer when she would never have walked away from Kaali if she hadn’t thought he had betrayed her).

It made Meera extremely uncomfortable to have to use emotional blackmail, but she told herself that she was doing it for Ishita’s own good. After all, if the older brother had betrayed Meera so hideously, there was every chance that Veer would do the same to Ishita. (Again, it didn’t occur to Meera that perhaps she was less than rational in her thinking about the situation).

Ishita wasn’t immune to her sister’s plea, but she also couldn’t just forget the man she loved. Torn between the two most important people in her life, she gave her judgement of Solomon. She would respect Meeradi’s wishes, but if she didn’t marry Veer then she would never marry anyone.

Left alone after Ishita dropped her bombshell, Meera was left contemplating how complicated everything had become.

There had to be a way to solve this. There had to be.

Meera sat, racking her mind for a way in which she could give Ishita her happiness without having to accept Raj as part of her life. She sat and weighed up all her options. It must be said that perhaps she wasn’t as clear-headed about the situation as she might have been; there was more at stake than all the other times she had made plans to defeat an enemy and she was also emotionally compromised in a way she had never been when in charge of multi-million dollar criminal ventures.

The plan she came up with in the end was this: she would ask to meet Veer. When she did, she would give Ishita permission to marry him as long as he would give up his brother and come and live in her house. Veer would of course agree; when he told Raj of his decision, she expected Raj to come storming over to meet her.

She sat imagining how she would savour his anger; she would revel in letting him think she was taking his brother away from him, destroying his family and his life the way he had once destroyed hers. To be fair to Meera, she fully intended to retract her conditions once Raj had grovelled enough. She had no wish to prove herself as cruel as him; he may have willingly destroyed her family and her heart, but she couldn’t make herself perpetuate the cycle of vindictiveness any further. Meera’s final plan was to negotiate with Raj to allow Veer and Ishita to live somewhere near both the garage and the restaurant. That way, she would be able to still be part of Ishita’s life without constantly having to interact with Raj.

Meera went to Ishita’s room and told her to invite Veer to meet her.

She prepared with care; it was unlikely that Veer would say no (after all, if he loved Ishita, he would take any chance to be with her) but she would have to phrase her ultimatum tactfully.

What she hadn’t expected was that Veer would absolutely and categorically refuse to leave his brother. His refusal to even consider her offer, his willingness to break her baby sister’s heart enraged Meera, and in her anger she did something unforgiveable.

The sight of Ishita’s tears loosened her tongue; she couldn’t stop herself from asking “Which brother are you leaving Ishita for? He isn’t even your real brother!”

The shock in Veer’s eyes made it clear that Raj had never told him; the quiet voice of her conscience told her that she had done something unforgivable, but her rage at her sister’s tears kept her speaking, her words unconsidered in her fury.

“Your dad picked him up off the street” she stated.

The sight of Veer’s tear-filled eyes gave her pause; he turned to Ishita as if to beg her to intervene. It was clear he didn’t want to confront her directly; Raj had clearly taught him that elders were to be respected even when they didn’t necessarily deserve it.

Meera knew she was in the wrong; she was being utterly unfair, stopping Ishita from saying anything simply with a gentle hand on her wrist.

“If you don’t believe me,” she said “go and ask him.”

Who knows what else she would have said, her anger for her sister driving her to the brink, when the young man in front of her finally broke.

“Enough” he said, his hand coming up in the universal stop sign.

Veer didn’t say anything else, simply turned and walked away.

Meera was left standing there; as her rage ebbed, she was horrified at what she had done. She turned when she felt Ishita shake her hand away.

“Meeradi............”

She seemed unable to say anymore, simply looking at her sister with heartbreak in her eyes.

Without another word, Ishita ran up to her room and slammed her door shut behind her.

Meera sank back into her chair, aware that she had done something almost unforgivable. She had dragged two innocent parties into a war that they knew nothing about, and in doing so had caused them both a great deal of pain.

If she could clear her head for just a minute, she could perhaps think of a way to make things better, but all she could see was the look of betrayal in her sister’s eyes.

As she sat there, trying to think of what to do, the phone rang; there was a crisis at the restaurant. Meera looked up at the window that she knew was Ishita’s; should she try and talk to her? Remembering the look in Ishita’s eyes, Meera decided that it was probably best to give her a little time before talking to her. She would handle the work-problems first and then try and sort out the disaster she had created.


	38. Questions

As Veer walked home, he could hear his phone ringing; Ishita called him over and over and over.

He longed to talk to her, to hear her voice and let her soothe his aching heart. He longed to tell her that he loved her; he didn’t want her to think he had refused Meeradi’s offer because he had chosen his brother over his love.

But he needed to think; he needed answers from his brother before he could think about anything else.

He bumped into Siddhu on his way home, giving him a weak smile. Veer could see that his friend was worried but he didn’t stop to talk.

As he arrived home, Raj was standing there, nibbling at the food on the table. Veer hadn’t spoken to his brother before he went to meet Ishita and her sister; he had wanted to come to his brother with everything sorted out, to reassure him that he was grown-up enough to manage something without having to always rely on his brother’s help.

Instead he had ended up caught in the middle of two extremely stubborn individuals, paying the price for their intransigence.

“There you are Veer,” Raj said “I’ve been asking after you for ages. Where have you been?”

He turned to look at where Veer was standing silently; when he saw the distraught look on his face, he asked “What happened?”

As Raj walked towards his brother, Veer finally managed to speak “There was something I needed to ask you.”

With a feeling of foreboding Raj said “Ask me then; but why are you just standing there like that?”

“Is there something that you’ve always hidden from me?”

Raj knew that this conversation was not going to end well, but he tried his best to distract his brother; he had always dreaded the day that his brother asked questions he didn’t want to answer.

“What could I possibly have wanted to hide from you? No, there isn’t anything like that.”

He turned away, fiddling with something on the dinner table, aware that Veer was still looking at him.

And then Veer asked the question Raj had hoped he would never hear.

“Are you not my brother?”

It took a moment before he could respond. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment and thought about how he should respond. Should he lie? For a moment, he thought about it, but he just couldn’t do it. Now that Veer had asked the question, he couldn’t bring himself to lie so blatantly, no matter what their father had wanted.

Before he answered, he needed to know something.

“Who said this to you?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder.

When Veer said “Ishita’s sister”, Raj finally turned to look at him; alongside the shock of having his brother finally ask the question he had always dreaded, a terrible anger started to burn deep inside him.

The anger would have to wait. His brother was there in front of him, needing answers.

“Why aren’t you saying anything Bhaiyya? Please, just tell me the truth.”

Veer was in tears as Raj held his hand up to stop any further words; it felt to him like his entire life had been a lie.

Seeing the turmoil affecting his brother, Raj made his decision. He would tell Veer the truth and let the chips fall where they may. He had faith in their relationship; it would take more than the lack of a genetic link to break them apart.

He looked at his brother and said “It’s true that I’m not your brother.”

There was silence in the room as Veer took the statement in.

Raj felt the strength go from his legs; he pulled a chair towards him and sat down, saying as he did “It’s a separate matter that I love you more than any real brother you might have had could. It’s also true, I hid this from you. But you need to know, it was just because I didn’t want to lose you, under any circumstance.”

Tears falling freely down his cheeks now, Veer responded with “Ishita’s sister has set a condition that I have to fulfil before she’ll let me marry Ishita. She wants me to leave you.”

Hurt and rage rose in Raj’s mind as he looked with horror at his little brother.

He had known Meera hated him, but he had been in denial about how much. He had been clinging to a forlorn hope that she might someday forgive him and here she was, determined to cause him as much pain as possible.

The double-blow knocked the air out of him for a moment; he had to support himself to stand as he asked his brother “So, what did you say?”

It was clear that Veer was heartbroken; the false bravado with which he said “She can go to hell, Bhaiyya. I’ll give up Ishita, Bhaiyya”

His voice broke as he spoke; though he was trying to make it sound like such a simple decision, it was obvious that it was destroying him to have to make the choice between his brother and his love.

“Don’t worry Bhaiyya,” he continued, “I’ll find someone else. Don’t worry, when I do, I’ll make sure he hasn’t got an older sister.”

Raj knew his brother; he realised what he was doing; deflecting from his emotional pain by trying to use humour, trying to make his brother feel better at the same time. It was typical of Veer; he wouldn’t want to let Raj feel as if it was his fault that he was heartbroken.

Wiping away his own tears, Raj forced a chuckle. He had to go along with his brother’s attempts to heal his heart; it wouldn’t do any good to do anything else till he could sort things out with Meera.

“Make sure you do check; who knows, I might have dated all the older sisters of all the beautiful girls you fall for.”

For a charged moment,  neither of them said anything.

Then Raj said “You just said no. Do you really love me so much?”

Veer nodded and just threw himself at his brother, the way he used to when he was little and had hurt himself. He wept his pain out on Raj’s shoulder, just as he had throughout his adolescence. He was taller than Raj now, and it was an awkward embrace, but each brother took great comfort from it.

Deep inside Raj, in a part of him that was still Kaali, a kernel of fury grew hotter and stronger as he thought about what Meera had done. She had drawn their siblings into the private conflict between them, and that was intolerable.

Whatever happened between them now, he would ensure that Veer and Ishita had their happiness. He would make Meera listen, even if he had to destroy any chance for his own dreams coming true to make it happen.


	39. The Calm before the Storm

Veer had gone to his room after a little while, leaving Raj to think over what he was going to do. He knew that seeing Meera when he was so furious was not a good idea, but he couldn’t make himself wait.

Veer was the one good person he had left in his life after he had lost her and his father, both on the same day. Helping Veer become the good person he was; that was the one thing he was proud of. And she wanted to take Veer away from him.

His guilt and rage both churned together uncomfortably in his gut; intellectually he could understand why Meera wanted to hurt him, but it broke his heart anew to realise how little hope he had to ever make her believe him. If she truly hated him enough to use his brother against him.....................

He forced his anger to build, made himself think about how unfair she had been, how vicious, how unjustified she was. He reminded himself over and over how he had wanted to tell her the truth, how she just wouldn’t listen.

Raj knew he had to confront her; had to make her listen. Only the most dramatic of gestures had a chance of working.

It took a few moments, but eventually, he knew what he had to do.

After grabbing a small handgun from the armoury, he walked out of the house to find Ishita riding up on her ridiculous scooter.

He was hit with a wave of affection for the girl; she and Veer were the two innocent victims caught in the cross-fire of a battle they knew nothing about.

She stopped for a moment when she saw them, then straightened her shoulders. It was obvious that she expected him to refuse to let her in to see Veer, or at least that she thought he would blame her for whatever Meera had revealed to Veer.

Raj let her approach him; she was clearly not a coward if she was willing to face him.

As she walked up to him, she started to speak “Raj Bhaiyya..........”

He held up a hand, stopping her.

“It’s not your fault. I’m not angry with you. I’m not going to stop you from seeing Veer. But I do need to talk to your sister. Is she at home?”

When Ishita shook her head, clearly uncomfortable at the thought that he wanted to confront Meera, he reassured her “Don’t worry about her, Ishita. I’m not going to hurt her; I couldn’t even if I tried. Your sister and I just have some old unfinished business to discuss.”

Stepping forward, he lay a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I won’t hurt her, I won’t let her hurt me. I’ll make sure that you and Veer can be together. It might take a little while, but you will be together. I know you don’t know me very well, but you know Veer. Trust him. Trust me. She’s at the restaurant?”

With tears in her eyes, she nodded.

Taking a step back, he pointed the way up to Veer’s room.

“He told me what happened tonight, you know. Don’t think he doesn’t love you, or that he would have given you up. There’s no way he would have given you up. He just doesn’t respond well to ultimatums.”

She nodded tearfully again then made her way to Veer’s room. He watched until he saw that Veer had opened the door and let her in; then, reassured that the two young people would be able to sort things out between themselves, he got into his car and started the drive towards the beach.

Back at the house, in Veer’s room, two madly-in-love people were finding it hard to meet each other’s eyes.

“You know I wasn’t just going to stay away, right?” Veer finally asked.

The words seemed to break through an invisible barrier and Ishita stepped forward to put her arms around Veer.

With a sigh of relief, Veer pulled her close and resting his head on her shoulder.

“It’s just, I couldn’t just let your sister do that to me- you understand that, don’t you? It wasn’t fair. I bet she didn’t even tell you what she was going to do.”

Her voice muffled in his neck, Ishita replied “Of course she didn’t. I wouldn’t have let you come to meet her if I had any idea what she wanted. What’s wrong with her Veer? Why would she do that to us? If she doesn’t want your brother in her life, there were other things she could have said, or done. And what she said to you about Raj Bhaiyya not being your brother, that was just cruel.”

She pulled back.

Veer sighed. “He’s never talked to me about the past. I bet she’s never mentioned anything to you either, has she?”

When Ishita shook her head, Veer sighed.

“He’s not my brother by blood. I asked him, tonight. He didn’t tell me much, just that our dad adopted him when he was a toddler, but it doesn’t matter. He’s been my Bhaiyya since the moment I was born. He named me. He’s looked after me better than I had any right to expect after our dad died. I don’t care if we don’t share any genes, Ishu. He’s my Bhaiyya.”

She put her hand on his cheek, stroking it gently.

“I know he is, Veer. What she said was cruel. She shouldn’t have done it. It’s so hard to realise that there’s something so awful between them, that she could hate him so much. Whatever happened in the past must have been so horrendous.”

He put his hand over hers, then turned his head to drop a kiss in her palm.

“Whatever it is that happened, Ishu, they’ll have to work it out. I’m not going to give you up. If it means we have to buy another house that’s halfway between the two of them, then that’s what we will do.”

He drew her close as he spoke, taking and offering comfort at the same time.

She giggled tearily into his neck and said “Raj Bhaiyya has gone to talk to Meeradi now, you know. I’m so worried. What if they make things worse?”

He shook his head, still not letting her go.

“I don’t think things can be much worse between them than they are at the moment, I really don’t. And it won’t matter to us either way. We’re going to be together Ishu, all that needs to be worked out is how much your sister and my brother are to be mad at us, and how our kids are going to manage having an uncle and aunt who can’t stand to be in the same room.”

Ishita giggled again at his words; the thought of what Meeradi would do was still worrying her, but at least she now had the reassurance that she and Veer would weather the storm together.

Veer finally let the last of his hurt drain away, Ishu’s presence soothing him like nothing else could. Whatever happened, he would find a way to have all the people he loved in his life. His brother (and he _was_ his brother, no matter if they were linked by blood or not) had never let him down. Veer knew that he could rely on him, even now.


	40. The Storm

When Raj drove up to Meera’s restaurant, he sat in his car until he caught sight of her. She was busy talking to a group of people.

He thought about just walking in and grabbing her, but it would create far too much of a scene; better to wait till she was done.

Watching her work gave him time to think and to assess her; she looked tense, her shoulders tight, her gestures sharp and abrupt.

Whatever the ongoing discussion was about, she wanted it to be done. Raj could tell when she started cutting through all the arguments and putting her foot down.

Ten minutes after that, she stood up and grabbed her purse.

It was time.

Raj leapt out of his car and walked purposefully but silently towards her. Meera’s head was down, her attention on her purse as she dug for her car keys.

At the last moment, she heard him coming, but before she could react he had grabbed her by the arm and wrested her purse away from her.

For just a moment, he didn’t care if he hurt her. For just one brief second, he didn’t think about the force with which he held her, almost as if the strength of his grip would be strong enough to convey the strength of his feelings.

That feeling lasted for barely a second before he loosened his grip just enough to ensure he wouldn’t cause her any pain, but not enough for her to pull free easily.

The instant she saw him, Meera knew the time had finally come. It was finally the moment of truth.

She could have pulled away; he wasn’t holding her that tight, nor was she defenceless. If she had wanted him on the ground, he would have been there.

But she needed this showdown with him. The fifteen years they had been apart hadn’t lessened her pain, hating him hadn’t made her feel better. Seeing him in Goa had only reminded her of everything she had lost.

She he had wanted her chance to scream her anger in his face and tonight, she would finally have it.

It was intolerable that he seemed to think he had the right to grab her as he had, and so she shouted at him “Let me go.”

He wouldn’t listen and pulled her toward a small beachside ruin that stood near her restaurant.

Once they were almost inside it, there was enough of an illusion of privacy that neither of them felt they had to hold back.

Before they had even drawn to a halt, he started to vent his frustration.

“What were you doing? What did you want to do?”

Before he even knew what he was doing, he pushed her up against a pillar and pressed close, his hand wrapped around her throat.

They were close enough that she could feel Raj’s breath on her face as he spoke, could see the desperation in his eyes at how she had acted.

Meera may have been the one standing with her back to the wall, but his behaviour showed her that she was the one with the power in this confrontation. The look on her face was one he recognised of old; that regal look of disdain she had given him when he had been hanging upside down in his car.

In his frustration, he tightened his hold just a fraction, but it didn’t seem to affect her at all.

“Were you trying to take my brother from me?”

Finally, she pushed back, fury rising to a peak.

“Did it cause you pain? Did it hurt that much? All that happened was that you thought I might take him away from you, that he might go far away from you and it hurt _that_ much?”

As she spoke, Meera pushed away from the wall forcing Raj to take a step back.

She was shouting now, years of pain finally overflowing.

“Then just think how _I_ felt when you killed my dad” she screamed, pushing him even further with a hand to his chest.

“Did you ever think about......”

Before she could finish speaking, Raj burst out “I didn’t kill your dad!”

“You’re lying” she screamed in his face, fisting her hands in his shirt.

He held her face, forcing her to look up into his eyes, her hands still holding onto him tight.

“It’s the truth!”

She didn’t believe him; he couldn’t bear it.

The moment he had held her close to him, all his anger had vanished. All he wanted now was for her to believe him.

Letting go of her face, he bent her back and looked directly into her eyes, praying that she could see the truth of his words.

“It’s the truth.”

He held her with his hands wrapped tightly around her upper arms, repeating again

“It’s the truth Meera. Look in my eyes Meera, you’ll see it’s the truth. I swear to you on my brother’s life, it’s the truth. I didn’t kill your dad.”

He let her up, not knowing how to persuade her. His heart was begging her to listen, begging her to see that he still loved her, that he had never betrayed her.

Raj lay his forehead against hers, giving her no option except to look straight at him.

“Look in my eyes Meera, it’s the truth.

“We were betrayed Meera, I didn’t betray you.”

The feel of her close to him after all those years was driving him insane. To have Meera so close to him and yet emotionally so far away; it was like a dagger in his heart.

He didn’t really expect it to work.  The hate she had for him was so deep seated, it had had years to mature and grow; he knew it was only his desperate wish that made him think he could convince her.

But he couldn’t help but try.

He was tired of living without her, tired of being alone. It had been so much worse since he had seen her there, in Goa, near enough that he was constantly aware of her. He had been managing the loneliness when he hadn’t known where she was, but with her there in front of him, he was constantly fighting the urge to beg her to forgive him for whatever she thought he had done.

His soul was begging her ‘ _please please love me, love me the way I still love you. Believe me, I didn’t hurt you, I would never hurt you, I could never hurt you. It was your father and his people and I don’t know how to tell you that. Your father took everything from us and I just can’t bear this anymore.  Please please believe me’._

For a moment he thought he had managed to get through to her, but then she started to shake her head.

It was the final straw.

He took a step back and pulled the gun from his waist. Slapping it into her hand, he said “If you still don’t believe me, then here, take this. Finish the story right here, right now. Finish it for once and for all.”

Raj held the barrel of the gun against his chest, directly over where his scar was.

At that, Meera’s anger finally broke, leaving her shocked. She had stood holding a gun on him once before and the memory of that pain burned through her anger like acid through cloth.

“Shoot me, Meera. I won’t survive from this close. Just shoot me and be done with it.”

He dropped his hands away from the gun, leaving the decision entirely in her hands.

It felt like an eternity before she made her decision.

She couldn’t shoot him.

She couldn’t do it; she just couldn't. The well of love deep inside her heart had never dried up, though she hadn't acknowledged it for an infinity. It was still there and now it overflowed, rising up in her as strongly as it ever had. It was as if she was finally able to see, as if love was clearing her vision and letting her see the truth in his eyes even though she wasn’t quite ready to believe it yet.

They stood there for a moment, a silent tableau. He watched as she lowered the gun away from him then looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

How had they come to this point? How had two people so deeply in love come to this point? How had they lived without each other for fifteen years?

As Meera and Raj stood there, so many unspoken words passed between them. Her face crumpled as she finally accepted how much pain he was in; how he had suffered without her as much as she had suffered without him.

If he had waited for even one more minute, she might have thrown aside all her doubts and just given in, but he had taken as much pain for one night as he could.  He didn’t have any arguments left to persuade her with; he had no proof.

All he had was the depth of his love for her, and in that moment he just didn’t think it was enough.

Raj turned and walked away, leaving Meera standing there, alone.

She wanted to scream at him “Come back. Don’t leave me alone again. Come back, _please_ ”.

But she didn’t say anything, just dropped the gun to the floor and watched as he walked away.

Raj walked and walked and walked that night; spent most of the night walking up and down a quiet part of the beach.

He didn’t know what else he could do.

As dawn started to break over the ocean, Raj watched and continued to watch as dawn turned into day.  In that moment he wondered to himself whether the fifteen-year-long dark period in his life was finally going to end or whether it would prove to be unending night.

The only person who could answer that was Meera, and he had no way of knowing what decision she would make.


	41. Questions

Meera drove home as if in a trance. She crept in past Ishita’s room, hoping that her sister hadn’t heard her arrive.

After sitting on the edge of her bed for a few minutes, thinking about the best thing to do, she grabbed her laptop and opened it up.

It took her a few minutes to get the wording right, but eventually she sent Raghav a message she was happy with. She had decided against asking him about the truth of Raj’s statements via email; instead she asked if he would come and visit her. Meera had barely had any contact with Raghav over the last few years, like a long lost cousin, yet she knew him well enough to know that he would come as soon as he could. He would understand that she would only be asking him to come to Goa if it was a matter of some significance.

That done, she pushed her laptop to one side and lay back; the emotions of the day finally getting to her.

Meera turned her face into her pillow and wept. She remembered weeping when he father died, then again when Raj had come back into her life, but both those bouts of weeping had been filled with acid and fury and bitterness.

The tears she wept that night were instead cleansing tears. She let all the bitterness and anger and disappointment flow out of her and when she finally slept, her sleep was the most peaceful it had been in fifteen years.

Raj came to her in those dreams, but not the Raj of Bulgaria, or even the imaginary Raj who occasionally came to her. That night, it was the Raj who she knew now, the one who had held her close, who had forced her to look into his eyes and begged her to believe him.

In her dreams, she read everything his eyes had said to her; she read his longing, his desperation, his pleas for her to believe him. In her dreams, he didn’t walk away, but instead stayed there long enough for her to tell him she loved him too.

When she woke the next morning, she felt refreshed and hopeful. Checking her email, she found that Raghav had replied; he would be with her in a week.

A week. That was how long it would be before she got confirmation that Raj was telling her the truth.  She wasn’t sure why she needed Raghav to tell her the truth; she truly did believe what Raj had said.

Perhaps it was because she needed Raghav to tell her the truth about her father; believing that Raj was telling the truth meant believing that her father had betrayed her in the cruellest way. She wanted to hear Raghav confirm that; wanted the man who had known them both to tell her face to face that he had helped her father destroy her life.

Meera knew that Raghav would tell her the truth if she confronted him with it, and she needed that closure.

Once she had spoken to Raghav, she would be able to go to Raj with a clear, unburdened heart, a heart that she could hand over to him without hesitation. Then, perhaps, they would be able to find each other again, without guilt or anger or regret between them.

One week.

Seven days.

That was all the time she had left to wait.


	42. Brotherly Conversations

After a fitful night’s sleep, Raj was woken by the sound of a text message arriving.

He picked it up, blinking to try and clear the sleep from his eyes.

There were only two words  in the message.

“I’m sorry.” That was all that the message said.

It was from Meera; that meant that those two words were more important than any other message he had ever received.

Raj lay there for quite a while, wondering what her message meant. Did she want to tell him that she was sorry, she never wanted to see him again and she was going to insist on keeping Veer and Ishita apart?

Or did she mean that she was sorry she had ever doubted him?

Cursing, he flung the phone to one side and lay back; Meera continued to confound him at every turn.

Whatever her message meant, there was nothing more he could do now. It wasn’t as if he could just dog her steps constantly, no matter how much he wanted to.

The emotional confrontation he and Meera had been involved in the night before had left him startingly clear-minded; it was if he had needed to tell her all there was in his heart before he could start living again.

He realised as he lay there that he had been extremely lax in his management of the garage over the last few weeks. He needed to take stock of the decisions that Veer had made and assess how well he had handled being in charge.

Thinking of Veer made him wonder exactly what he and Ishita had decided the night before. Whatever decision they took, he would support them as much as he could, but he would have no part in causing her any more pain than he already had.

Raj rose and dressed then made his way downstairs, knocking on Veer’s door on his way.

There had been no sound from inside Veer’s room, so he wasn’t surprised to see his brother in the kitchen. Veer was a dab hand at cooking breakfast, though it was the only meal he was any good at.

“Bhaiyya, I’ve been waiting for you for ages.  I’m starving.”

Raj sat at the table and watched as his brother stacked a couple of plates with food then brought them over.

As Veer sat down opposite him, Raj took the chance to assess how he looked; he was glad to see that Veer looked well rested and untroubled.

Waiting until Veer had cleared half his plate, he eventually had to ask “So, what did you and Ishita decide last night?”

Veer looked up but kept chewing. It wasn’t until he had cleared his plate that he finally answered.

“We talked. We agreed. Whatever happens, we’re going to be together. But we’re willing to give you both some time to get yourselves sorted out. We love you both, Bhaiyya. Ishita loves her sister as much as I love you. We don’t want to hurt you.

“It’s obvious that something happened, years and years ago, but whatever it was, it’s the reason that neither of you have ever found anyone else.”

Raj started to speak, but for once it was Veer who held up his hand to stop him.

“We’re going to abide by Meeradi’s wishes for a little while. We’re going to give her some time to work through whatever she needs to. We’re willing to wait.”

He looked at his brother and said “Bhaiyya we’ll wait a while. But soon, we’re going to be together. Meeradi will just have to accept that.”

Raj nodded, impressed by the calm way in which Veer had spoken. It was easy to take Veer’s happy-go-lucky nature as a sign of immaturity, but there was a backbone of steel to him that he was rarely called upon to display.

He said “if it’s any help, I’ll support you in any way I can. I won’t hurt Meera, but if she doesn’t come round and let you be together, I’ll help you in any way I can that doesn’t break her heart.”

Veer laughed.

“The two of you are ridiculous. It’s obvious that she thinks that you did something dreadful to her and she can’t forgive you for it, whilst even a blind person could see that you love her so much that you’d cut off your arm before causing her even a second of pain.”

He got up from the table to dump his plate in the sink then turned back to his brother.

“Whatever she thinks you did to her must be fucking awful if she was willing to use me to hurt you. Will you ever tell me what happened?”

Raj stood and walked over to his brother.

“Veer, our lives were very different when we first met. Those lives are over now, for both of us. Whatever happens, that part of our lives is closed, forever. All we can do now is look to the future.”

He couldn’t handle the look of pity in his brother’s eyes, so he turned away before he spoke again.

“Whatever Meera decides, she is the only woman I have ever loved. She’s the only woman I will ever love. You know what that feels like now, don’t you?”

He felt Veer’s hand on his shoulder, pulling him round and into a hug. They didn’t speak, just stood for a moment taking support from each other; as they broke apart, Raj punched his brother gently on the shoulder.

“When did you get so wise, you idiot?”

Veer laughed as started walking towards the garage “I got wise when you became a fool for love, Bhaiyya, when you became a fool for love.”

Shouting with mock outrage, Raj ran after Veer; they were both laughing slightly hysterically by the time they reached the garage and realised that their employees were staring at them in astonishment.


	43. Interlude: Boundaries

Work and life continued; both the garage and the restaurant continued to require supervision; both needed Raj and Meera to show up, get their heads down and get on with things.

It wasn’t a good week for any of them; no matter how busy he was, he still found himself wandering the beach near her restaurant every evening. She would see him there, but rather than walk down to meet him, she would wait until he had gone and then retrace his steps, wondering what he had been thinking as he looked at her.

It was foolish and childish and ridiculously sentimental; she told herself every night that if she had any sense, she would just take a leap of faith and go and talk to him

But somehow, she just needed that last confirmation, that last confrontation with Raghav before she could move on with the rest of her life.

The strange thing was, she knew without a doubt that Raj would wait for her. Meera knew that he would wait as long as it took, and that knowledge went a long way to healing all the scars that had formed over the years they had been apart.

It wasn’t as easy for Ishita and Veer; the day after the big confrontation, they had a fight over the best way to go forward. They had both agreed that they would wait before talking to Meera again, but they disagreed about how long was best. Ishita wanted to wait for at least a month, whilst Veer thought that a few days was long enough.

This was the first fight that the couple had had, and though it wasn’t a particularly serious one, it felt like the end of the world to both of them. Veer stormed away, saying that he would be waiting when Ishita decided that she loved him more than she loved Meera, whilst Ishita was left feeling that Veer was forcing her to choose between the two of them.

They managed to stay apart for two days before it became too much for Veer; on the night of the local Spring Lantern party (a local tradition), Veer agreed to whatever Ishita’s wanted and agreed to wait until she was ready to talk to her sister.

The days passed by slowly. For the four people involved, it was as if they were living in a holding pattern.

The pattern was finally broken when Raghav arrived, a day before Meera expected him.


	44. Raghav

The moment she saw Raghav, it was as if Meera had been catapulted back into the past. He looked so much like her father, it made her shiver. The same style of suit, the same hints of white in his hair, the same perfectly turned-out appearance; it was as if she was looking at a clone.

Thankfully, though he had changed his appearance, Raghav hadn’t changed the way he felt about Meera. She was still a sister to him (though one he was utterly glad he hadn’t had to fight for control of the business). Over the last fifteen years they hadn’t been close, but the bonds of the past had been enough to make him fulfil her request that he visit her as quickly as possible.

After re-introducing Raghav to Ishita as an old friend of the family, the three of them had dinner together before Ishita excused herself. Meera knew she would be speaking to Veer, but she had didn’t stop her; it didn’t matter if she told Veer about Raghav when she herself would likely be telling Raj about it soon enough.

Wanting privacy for the conversation she needed to have, Meera took Raghav to her restaurant.

Once they were alone, she didn’t waste any time before she asked him, straight out, whether what Raj had said was true.

She wasn’t shocked to hear Raghav confirm that Raj had been telling the truth, but hearing him say the words out loud, hearing him say that it had been her father who had been the deceiver still wasn’t easy.

When Raghav told her “Whatever Kaali said was the truth”, Meera couldn’t stop the words which burst from her.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Raghav couldn’t meet her eyes; in that moment, he could see the suffering he had caused with his lie of omission.

“How could I go against what your father wanted, Meera?” he asked, almost plaintively. “How could I tell a daughter that her father was the one to betray her?”

Meera looked at him with stricken eyes; she had thought that she had accepted that her father hadn’t cared about her love, but hearing it said out loud broke her heart all over again.

And yet, with the heartbreak came joy. Her father had betrayed her, yes; but Kaali hadn’t. Raj hadn’t.

Raghav was watching her with worried eyes. He had only seen her break once, on the day her father died; he had no desire to see that frightening emptiness in her eyes ever again.

Seeing the query in his eyes, she said “I told you that I had spoken to Kaali, that he had told me about my father. What I didn’t tell you was that he’s living her too. He’s been living here for the last fifteen years.”

She paused, then spoke again, quiet but direct “You were there when I talked to my father, you know that we wanted to be together then.”

She looked straight at him, unashamed of what was in her heart now.

“I still want to be with him. I’ve hated myself for the last fifteen years, thinking that I had let myself love someone who killed my father; even then I didn’t stop loving him.”

She turned away, finally embarrassed to be showing her emotions so openly.

“You don’t know what you’ve done, you just don’t know what you did by not telling me the truth. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Ishita wants to marry Kaali’s brother, and I’m not going to stand in their way anymore.”

Raghav stepped forward and lay a hand on her shoulder, unsure whether any comfort he attempted to give would simply be shrugged off, but when she didn’t pull away he said “I’m so sorry Meera. I didn’t try and stop your father; I never questioned him. But I am sorry”.

There really wasn’t anything else to be said between them, so she nodded. The two old friends stood there together, quietly looking out at the ocean and looking back at the paths that had brought them to where they were today.

In silent agreement, they walked back to the car and drove back to Meera’s house.

Standing at the bottom of the stairs, she looked at Raghav and said “It’s okay, you know. Whatever happened then, it’s all in the past. I don’t blame you for anything. You’re still family.”

He couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t just be a repeated apology, so he didn’t say anything.

She smiled a little then said “We’ll talk tomorrow. Sleep well.”

Climbing the stairs, he looked back at where Meera was standing, looking at a picture of her parents. The look on her face was indescribably sad; as Raghav lay down to sleep, he couldn’t help but think of his own children. He promised them silently that he would never hurt them as badly as Dev Malik had hurt his daughter; that he would never let them remember him with hate. He lay there for a long time, wondering how any father could treat their own child so badly; he hadn’t come up with an answer, even when he finally slipped into sleep.

 


	45. Interlude: Meera

She finally knew the truth.

Meera had thought that she would feel anger or betrayal when she heard Raghav tell her the truth; instead she felt at peace.

It wasn’t that it was easy to hear that her father had destroyed her life, willingly and knowingly; it was simply that it didn’t matter anymore.

Raj hadn’t betrayed her. The man who had owned her heart for what seemed like her whole life hadn’t betrayed her; she hadn’t been deceived by love. Knowing that was enough to heal her shattered soul.

It seemed outrageous now that she had ever believed that he could; how could she have forgotten that he had promised never to hurt her, to protect her even from himself?

In the end, wasn’t that what he had done? He had allowed her to take the shot, to think she had killed him, rather than let her find out the extent of her father’s perfidy. She had failed him, when she had jumped to conclusions, rather than listening to his side of the story as she had promised to; even then he had protected her from herself and let her blame him.

Shame threatened to overwhelm her as she stood looking down at the picture of her parents. The image blurred as her eyes filled with tears, but she dashed them away with the back of her hands. It was important that she saw her father as he was; a flawed man to whom his business was everything. Even his daughter’s wishes had been nothing more than something to be handled in a way that would have made the business more successful, if he had managed to get the outcome he wanted.

Putting the picture carefully back on the table she had picked it up from, Meera wiped away her few remaining tears.

How could she have known? It was easy to look back now and realise that Dev Malik would never have agreed, but the naive child she had been had no way of knowing that at the time. Perhaps she should feel guilty for not having given Raj a chance to explain things to her, but what was the point of guilt, now? What was done was done.

The past was behind her.

All that could be done now was to start again.

Meera climbed the stairs slowly, making plans even though exhaustion threatened to overcome her. Reaching her room, she lay on her bed as she was, too tired even to change into night clothes. Within minutes she was asleep.

When she woke the next morning, she felt full of energy.

Dressing quickly, Meera walked into Ishita’s room without knocking. She stood near the doorway, watching her sister sleep, then smiled.

“Ishu, wake up.”

She shook her sister until Ishita finally, grudgingly, opened her eyes.

“Urgh, what is it Meeradi? Can’t you just let me sleep?”

“Ishu, wake up, come on. We have a lot to talk about. It’s important, come on.”

Finally taking in what her sister was saying to her, Ishita rubbed her eyes and looked at Meera; something she saw there must have convinced her that Meera was serious, because she climbed out of bed saying “just give me a minute”.

She came back within five minutes and stood there, waiting for Meera to speak.

Meera patted the bed in front of her.

“Come, sit with me.”

When Ishita sat down facing her, Meera spoke again.

“I want to thank you for being patient with me, Ishu. There’s so much that you don’t know, so much I can’t tell you even now, but I want to apologise for everything that I’ve done regarding you and Veer.”

Before Ishita could think of a response, Meera continued “You love him a lot, don’t you?”

Tears appeared in Ishita’s eyes; rather than say anything she simply nodded.

“That’s the only thing that matters, really. Nothing else matters. Now, why don’t you get dressed, and then you and I will go and pay Veer and his brother a visit. We have a wedding to arrange.”

Ishita looked at her sister, stunned at the sudden turn-around. She could see the sincerity in Meera’s expression, and it filled her with hope.

It took a second or two for her to truly believe that Meera meant what she had said but then she launched herself at her sister and wrapped her tight in her arms.

“Thank you Meeradi. Thank you.”

Meera hugged her back, tears running freely down her face at the happiness in Ishita’s voice.

After a few minutes, she pulled back and wiped the tears from her sister’s face.

“Go on, go and get dressed. I’m not taking you to see your fiancé dressed in your ratty pyjamas.”

She was laughing as she walked out of the room but by the time she stood in front of her wardrobe, her expression had changed into one of hopeful anticipation.

Looking through the clothes she had hanging there, she vacillated about what to wear. In the end, she realised it didn’t matter; Raj had seen her at her best and at her worst. He had held her close enough to see each wrinkle only a week ago; it didn’t matter what she wore today. He had always seen the woman hidden behind the facade anyway and probably always would.

What mattered now was whether he wanted that woman anymore.


	46. Veer and Ishita's Happy Ending

When Raj heard the door bell ring that morning, he went and opened the door expecting to see the postman, bringing his usual collection of invoices and trade magazines.

Instead, he was stunned to see Meera and her sister standing there, looking at him uncertainly.

He couldn’t think of anything to say, so shocked was he to see them there. He had hoped and dreamed that perhaps Meera would soften her stance, but he hadn’t dared to think that she would change her mind so quickly.

Raj couldn’t help but feel some trepidation; did the fact that she had only waited a week before coming to his house actually mean that she hadn’t actually believed a word he had said?

The uneasiness he felt left him silent; as they stood there staring at each other, Meera’s heart sank as she registered his lack of welcome.

Before a simple silence could become yet another misunderstanding, Veer walked into the living area. Meera saw him over Raj’s shoulder and, swallowing her pride, she stepped into the Bakhshi house without waiting for a formal invitation.

It was incredible what an effect that simple action had on Raj; he watched her walk past him with his heart in his eyes.

She was there, in his house. No matter what it was that she had come to say, the simple sight of her there was something he had never dared hope for. And yet, there she was, looking as majestic as ever.

Meera walked forward till she was standing in front of Veer, very aware of Raj and Ishita standing behind her, watching and listening to everything she said.

Ishita knew what she was going to say; they had spoken on the drive over to see the Bakhshis. Meera had done her best to make her sister understand that the relationship between Ishita and Veer had nothing to do with what might happen between Meera and Raj; she knew that Ishita was on tenterhooks hoping that everything would end happily.

Raj was the wild card in this scenario; she couldn’t be sure what he thought about Veer’s relationship with Ishita and was thus taking a huge leap of faith that he didn’t have any objections. She didn’t even dare think about what he thought about her presence there, in his home and in his life.

Very aware that the next few minutes would decide her sister’s happiness, she chose her words carefully.

“You love your brother very much, don’t you?”

She watched as Veer looked up towards his brother then, without hesitation, said “Yes”.

It was odd how, without even looking around, she knew that Raj had smiled (probably smugly) at his brother’s response.

She didn’t turn to look at him, though; instead she continued “And you love my Ishita just as much, don’t you?”

Veer didn’t even wait for her to finish speaking before he was nodding his agreement, saying “Yes”.

The utter certainty on his face was a revelation, and made it so easy for her to say what she had planned.

“Then marry her, and bring her to live here. Be with your brother.”

With the words said, she turned and looked straight at Raj, wondering how he would react.

Raj had been standing with his shoulders hunched and arms crossed across his chest, unconsciously adopting a defensive stance. He had dreaded what Meera might say, wondering whether she was going to reveal their past to Veer, to Ishita. Despite his disquiet, he hadn’t interfered, no matter how much he wanted to protect his brother.

As Meera’s word sank in, he looked up, his eyes blazing with love and pride and heat.

They stood looking at each other for a moment and then he smiled just a little, as if to silently ask her what had happened to change her mind.

Just before she could do something silly, like burst into tears or run across the room and throw herself into his arms, the moment was broken when Veer exclaimed “What?”

As usually happened with him, relief translated into idiocy; he started babbling “You mean, I’m not going to die a bachelor? I’m going to get married too? I’ll get to..........”

Before he could manage to say something that would embarrass all of them Ishita intervened.

 “Veer!”

The smile on his face was bright enough to light up the room, but Veer took the hint; he changed tacks and instead asked “Would you....would you like some tea? Or some breakfast? I think you should have breakfast with us before we do anything else. Ishita, why don’t you come with me, we’ll make some tea, get some snacks”.

He was clearly so thrilled at getting his happy ending that he wanted to ensure that his big brother would be happy too; the only problem was that subtlety was not exactly Veer’s strong point.

“Bhaiyya, why are you just standing there? It’s the first time Pogo-ji has ever come to our house; you should show her the house, the garage, the sofa”.

Ishita dragged him away before he could start listing each and every item of furniture in the house, well aware that Veer’s babble-setting couldn’t be turned off easily.


	47. A New Beginning

The moment they were alone, the awkwardness between Meera and Raj reached epic proportions. Neither was sure what to say or how to act.

It was ridiculous; the two people standing there determinedly trying to ‘act casual’ wanted nothing more that to be in each other’s arm and never let go. But neither of them was absolutely sure of their welcome and so neither of them moved.

Meera watched as Ishita walked away, feeling as if her armour was stripped away. She had walked into Raj’s house with the intention of dealing solely with Ishita’s problems, but now she stood there just waiting to see if Raj would say anything.

After the confrontation they had had on the beach, Meera had been sure that their next meeting would be explosive too, and yet he said nothing. She almost couldn’t bear to turn and look at him. What if he was still as angry as he had been that day? What if she had been wrong to think that he still loved her; what if she had misread the expression in his eyes when he looked at her.

If Meera was feeling unsure, Raj was hardly any better. He stood there, uncertain as a teenager (which was ridiculous for a man of his age), shifting awkwardly as he waited for her to turn to look at him.

He wanted to ask her what made her change her mind; was it what he had said to her? Had she spoken to that weasel, Raghav?

Just as Raj opened his mouth to say something, _anything,_ she finally turned to face him. It took Meera a few tries before she could actually look at him now that they were alone, but eventually through silent mutual agreement they moved to stand closer to each other.

It felt like he was in a dream. In fact, Raj could remember dreams that had started just like this, the two of them together in his home; domestic dreams where Meera had been part of his life and they had shared silly domestic concerns like the laundry and grocery shopping, and whether the man who looked after the plants was doing a good enough job.

Well, Meera was really there, in the flesh. As she walked towards him, all Raj could think was how beautiful she looked, and how right it was that she was in his home.

He wanted to think of something that he could say that would persuade her to stay, forever, but before he could, she spoke.

“Um, nice house.”

As soon as the words left her lips, Meera cringed. All the pain, all the turmoil they had been through and the first time they were alone together with no misunderstandings between them, what did she say? What great sparkling wit did she come up with? She wanted to just sink into the ground, but the words were said and she couldn’t unsay them.

He matched her lack of articulacy, however, which made her feel slightly better.

“Yeah, thank you.”

If Veer and Ishita had taken a minute out of their celebrations to eavesdrop into their siblings conversation, they would have banged their heads against a wall. As it was, there was no-one to witness their eloquence (or lack thereof).

Through mutual agreement, they walked out of the house onto the veranda; Raj could barely believe the banalities he was uttering but he didn’t seem to be able to stop himself.

“This is our garage,” he said, thinking to himself that he sounded like a bad estate agent. “We modify cars, designing, styling, fibre, the works.”

Perhaps it was the fact that Raj was just as unsure as she was, but the more he spoke, the less uncomfortable Meera felt. He was obviously proud of what he had built here, in this small community; she wondered if he thought she would think it a come-down, to go from being the head of a massive criminal organisation to being the owner of a garage.

If she could have, Meera would have reassured him. It was strange to think but their lives had actually gone through very similar trajectories; they had both ended up as small-business owners. But he had done more than Meera had, in some ways; Raj had brought up his brother and also made himself part of a community, something she hadn’t ever thought about doing.

His uncertainty made her feel a wave of fondness, over and above the love that was always present.

“You always did like cars.”

Wasn’t it strange that something so small could just take the lid off the well of emotions they had been suppressing? Memories of the past, the good things, the things she had fought so hard to keep pushed down inside her; they came flooding back.

Meera saw the instant her words hit him; felt the second he started remembering all the moments which she had finally allowed herself to remember. Raj turned to look at her, the look on his face full of love and yearning. She couldn’t hold his look for more than a second, turning her head as if she needed to look where she was going. But she could feel his gaze on her still, felt when he realised how ridiculously shy she was feeling.

Raj smiled as he kept looking at her for a few seconds more, foolishly pleased that there was still some of the Meera he remembered left inside the impressively put together woman who had taken her place.

The two of them kept walking into the courtyard; Raj was unsurprised to see Shakti and Anwar standing in front of the house. He knew his brother would have been on the phone to them as soon as he could; Veer would have wanted to share his happiness with the two men who had been honorary older brothers his entire life. He would, of course, have been unable to exercise discretion about the fact that Raj and Meera were finally alone together; Shakti and Anwar would have been just as unable to stay away with Raj’s happiness on the line.

Meera was unsurprised to see Raj’s two friends standing in front of her; they had always been close. Raj, on the other hand, was less than happy to see that weasel Raghav standing in front of him. The last time he had seen the man, he had been shooting at him. Still, Raghav had confirmed the truth of what happened that day; Raj supposed he should be grateful. He just about managed a small nod at the man, but stopped himself from saying anything when he saw the hopeful look on Meera’s face. It was clear she hoped that Raj didn’t mind that Raghav was there; Raj was so happy that he couldn’t bring himself to object.

Leaving the three men standing together, rather like the three wise men, Raj and Meera meandered slowly into the main garage work area.

Raj knew that Meera could have no real interest in looking at cars and automotive equipment, but she clearly wanted to spend time with him. They hadn’t yet reached a point where they could talk about the huge elephant in the room; instead they were feeling their way gently back to each other.

She couldn’t help but say “You haven’t changed at all.”

Sighing ruefully, Raj stroked his chin and said “Just this beard”.

Meera giggled, sounding enough like her old self to make him say “Actually, you haven’t changed at all either.”

She had to say it, wondered if he noticed or if he cared.

“I’ve gained a little weight, maybe?”

When he replied almost instantaneously “Yes, just a little,” she turned to him in shock. Meera tried to tell herself that she should be pleased that he had noticed, that he had remembered her so well from so long ago, but she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit hurt.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Raj wanted to slit his throat. You idiot, he told himself, you utter moron, you tell her she’s gained weight when what you want to tell her is that she is the most perfect goddess who has ever existed.

He tried to think of a way to make it better, stuttering and stammering and just about managing to say “I didn’t mean that.”

She couldn’t quite believe that he _had_ said it, but as he continued to dig himself further and further into a hole, she started to laugh.

“You look fine,” was the next gem he produced, wonder what evil spirit had taken over speaking for him, “exactly the same as you used to be.”

“Really?” she found herself teasing him, wondering how much worse she could make him feel

“No” he laughed too, and they stood there for the shortest of times, laughing together.

There they were, two people in their forties, and yet for that one brief instant it was as if they had gone back to a time when they were both young and silly. If they had ever met at school or if they had ever been at college together, they might have had these moments of awkwardness.

As the laughter died, he said “I’m sorry.”

Raj was looking away from her; perhaps that was what gave her the courage to say what she did.

“It’s been fifteen years, Kaali.”

He shook his head, a sound of denial coming from him.

Turning to look straight into her eyes, letting all the pain and love and loss he felt show through as strongly as he knew how, he said “fifteen years, four months, ten days.”

Raj saw the moment she realised that he had known the exact length of time they had been apart. Unable to force himself to see the look of pity that was sure to be on her face, he turned away and started spouting meaningless jargon about the garage.

Meera stopped him by simply putting her hand on his shoulder and saying “I’m so sorry, I’m just so sorry.”

She tried to hold back her tears as she spoke “I jumped to conclusions and just believed what was in front of me; I didn’t even give you a chance to explain, I didn’t trust you.”

Hearing the pain in her voice, he turned back to look at her. It wasn’t fair to let her shoulder the guilt all alone.

“I should have told you too, but you had left, and I came here and just couldn’t find you.”

Hearing him say that, Meera felt even worse; it _was_ all her fault, how could he not see that?

She needed to say sorry, to beg his forgiveness and somehow make the last fifteen years vanish. She wanted to erase the years when they were apart and somehow make it all better again.

So she said “But it was all my fault”, and at that he couldn’t stop himself from taking her hands and holding them tight.

How could he make her see that they had both been caught up in a train of events they had no control over? To hear her blame herself for something her father had done to both of them made Raj unutterably sad.

“It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault. If we can blame anything, it’s the situation we were in at the time.”

All Raj could do was try and reassure Meera, and hope against hope that his words sank in.

He looked down and saw her hands in his. It was that simple sight which finally broke the invisible barrier between them; she was there and letting him touch her and hold her and just letting him be with her. He wanted to hold her hands in his forever, and at the same time he wanted to pull her close and run his hands all over her body, just to know that she was his and always would be.

They spoke simultaneously, her quiet “I need to say something to you” almost drowned out by his exclaimed “Meera”.

Raj pulled her gently closer, cradling her hands against his heart, looking deep into her eyes as they finally let each other see the intensity of their feelings. It was the kind of look that can last a second or a lifetime, but as they drew ever closer, they knew that simply looking could never be enough.

All Raj knew right then and there was that he had never kissed her; all Meera knew was the need to feel his lips on hers.

Just as they drew close enough to feel the warmth of each other’s breath caressing their lips, a strident voice broke into their idyllic bubble.

“Good morning Raj Bhai.” It was that fool, Oscar.

Raj and Meera didn’t quite jump apart, but it was close; ridiculous as it was, Raj couldn’t help the embarrassment he felt at almost being found kissing Meera.

He was furious with himself for almost letting their first kiss, a kiss he had been waiting for forever, be interrupted. The last thing he wanted was for Meera to think he didn’t respect her; exposing her to gossip and innuendo might have done exactly that.

Raj cursed inwardly; what had he been thinking to design such a ridiculously open plan garage, with nary a dark corner to pull Meera into for some privacy. What if Oscar had walked in ten or fifteen  minutes later; with all the pent up emotion between them, it was entirely possible that they would have been in a far more compromising situation.

As Oscar approached the couple, Meera was torn between frustration and amusement. Amusement finally won out when she saw how awkwardly Raj was behaving, especially when the ridiculous man who had introduced himself as Oscar started speculating about who she was.

As she watched Raj allowing himself to be pulled into the house, he turned back to look at her; in that look was everything she had ever wished for. He smiled, happily, gloriously; he smiled the smile of a man who has finally got his heart’s true wish. Like a teenager saying goodbye to his girlfriend, he turned and walked backwards, keeping her in his sights for as long as he could.

When Raj finally went out of sight, Meera sank back to stand against the entrance into the garage; the heat of his gaze had left her literally feeling weak at the knees.

After a few minutes simply basking in the pleasure of knowing she was loved, she sedately retraced her route back into the house.

When she walked in, the living room was full of people; Ishita and Veer, a young couple of a similar age to them who must be the Siddhu and Jenny that Ishita was always talking about, that strange man Oscar, Anwar and Shakti, they were all packed into the large open-plan space.

The only person she had eyes for, though, was Kaali, Raj as she tried to think of him now. She watched as everyone talked at him; with a gesture he commanded silence, then began giving clear and comprehensive instructions about whatever it was that they had all gathered to do.

Meera giggled (she had been doing that a lot that day, it felt like the happiness was trying to bubble up out of her); only one person heard her though. Raj looked straight at her and smiled, and in that smile, she could see the promise of a lifetime to come.

She could hardly wait.


	48. A First

The sound of her laughter made him so happy that he couldn’t contain his smile, but watching her stand off to one side, he wondered if she felt a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of people surrounding him.

Subtly, he tried to indicate that she should come and sit next to him, but unfortunately his brother saw him move and turned to see who he was looking at.

“Pogo-ji, I mean Meeradi, why are you standing over there? Come and join in, the more the merrier.”

Shuffling Ishita over so that there was space for Meera to  sit next to her sister, he left Meera no option except to make her way over to the larger group.

As soon as she sat down, Veer handed her a laptop with a spreadsheet open visible on the screen.

“We’ve just been putting together the list for Siddhu and Jenny’s wedding, and we thought we might as well do a list for me and Ishita too.”

He paused, suddenly realising that she may not be completely happy with not having any input into the guest list for her sister’s wedding then hurriedly went on “well, we’ve just started, we’re not making any final decisions today or anything.”

It had to be said, there weren’t really any people who she wanted to see at her sister’s wedding, apart perhaps from Raghav and his family. Whilst her sister had many friends who Meera was sure would all make their way to Goa just to be part of Ishita’s happy day, Meera had never formed close friendships; she had acquaintances aplenty, but no one who she would invite to be part of a family occasion.

It made it easy for her to reassure Veer “Don’t worry, Veer, Ishita will make her own choices about guests. I’ve only got one family to add to the list but apart from that, it will all be up to Ishu”.

Veer looked at her and seemed to realise that she was quite sincere; with a nod, he said “We thought we could just talk to all the same people that Shakti Bhai has been talking to for Siddhu’s wedding. It’ll be easier to arrange both of the weddings at the same time, as long as you don’t mind, Ishu?”

Turning to his fiancée, Veer looked at her with a hopeful expression. She smiled indulgently; despite the stereotypes about girls always turning into Bridezillas, it was clear that Veer was going to be the one who went overboard with wedding-planning.

Luckily, Ishita would no doubt able to make Veer do things the way she wanted him to; he probably wouldn’t even realise that he was being managed.

Once Meera made it clear that she really didn’t really want to micromanage her sister’s wedding, decisions and agreements were reached quite quickly.

Both of the younger couples were happy to have a small wedding followed by a larger reception; Siddhu and Jenny were obviously going to have a church wedding, as mandated by Oscar, whilst Ishita and Veer seemed to have decided on a beach wedding.

By the end of a three hour brain-storming session, pretty much all the plans had been made. All that was left was for dates to be decided; as both couples were keen to get married as soon as possible, the two grooms went off to determine when the church and the Registrar would be available.

Raj had quietly been watching Meera for most of the afternoon. He had initially thought that the little gathering would be over quite quickly, but when Veer got involved, his hopes had faded.

He wanted nothing more than to leave all of the others to just get on with whatever they wanted to do; he would happily open his wallet as long as no one asked him to make decisions about colour schemes or menu plans (topics he hadn’t even realised existed until the brides-to-be mentioned them).

Shakti and Anwar were also sitting there with matching looks of increasing horror on their faces, but none of them dared walk away in case Oscar made some mad decisions as soon as their backs were turned.

The three hours hadn’t been entirely tortuous though; watching Meera interact with the people around her had given him the chance to think about what her life might had been like over the last fifteen years, and what kind of changes to her personality that period of time might have wrought.

Oscar and Jenny finally said their goodbyes, taking Ishita with them so that she and Jenny could research wedding-dresses online. Anwar and Shakti stayed around for a little while longer just to finish discussing some of the names on the guest list; once they left (throwing knowing looks at Raj on their way out), Raj and Meera were finally alone.

They were still sitting in the main living area of the house. When she had walked into the house that morning, Meera hadn’t really paid attention to her surrounding, even when Raj had shown her round, but now she looked up at the picture of Randhir Bakhshi which was hanging there.

“I know you said it wasn’t my fault, but still, I am so sorry about your father. I only met him that once, but I could tell that he loved you very much. I’m so so sorry about what happened”

Meera stood as she spoke, walking forward to stand directly beneath Randhir’s picture. She felt Raj step up close behind her, the heat from his body sinking into her comfortingly.

“I’ll say it as many times as I need to. Neither of us was to blame, Meera. Neither of us could have predicted what would happen.”

Meera turned into his arms, feeling utterly welcome in his embrace. It was wonderful to find that even fifteen years apart hadn’t lessened the comfort she could find when Raj’s arms encircled her.

When Raj had felt Meera turn towards him, it had been utterly natural to pull her close. It didn’t matter that it had been such a long time since they had stood together; the utter rightness of holding hadn’t changed.

He whispered into her hair “I’m sorry about your dad, Meera. I’m sorry he did that to you. I wish.....”

She pulled back a little and looked into his eyes.

“Don’t. Don’t think about it. I won’t ever forgive him, but I’ve realised the best thing I can do is just forget him. I’m never going to let him affect my life again. The past is done for us, Kaali. It’s our turn to be happy now.”

Perhaps it was the use of his old name, perhaps it was her assertion that it was their turn to live; as she spoke, the mood between them changed. Raj was suddenly aware of the feel of Meera in his arms.

Suddenly the air between them was charged, as if a spark had suddenly been lit.

Slowly, so slowly that she could have pulled back if she had wanted to, Raj bent towards Meera and gently touched his lips to hers.

Initially, it was nothing more than a touch, but then he deepened the pressure and felt her respond. Hesitantly, she kissed back but for Raj, even that gentle response was a revelation.

They stood there for long moments, lost in each other. Raj’s hands came up and cupped her face, holding her close and gently stroking his fingers down her cheeks as he kept kissing her. He didn’t want to stop, but when she started to pull back, he let her go.

Meera’s cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen; she brought her hands up to run her fingers along them and realised she was going to have an impressive case of beard-burn. She felt slightly overwhelmed; she was forty-one years old but she had never felt the way she felt right then.

She moved back just a little, giving herself space to breathe.

Raj was looking at her, wondering what she was thinking. Though he hadn’t spent a long time dwelling on it (it wasn’t something he particularly wanted to think about), he had assumed that Meera would have had some relationships in the years they had been apart.

Raj hadn’t had any interest in any woman apart from Meera, but he at least had known the truth of happened that long ago day. He also knew that Meera had hated him over the last fifteen years; there was no reason why she wouldn’t have moved on.

But the way she kissed and the tentativeness in her touch both made him wonder about that assumption.

He stepped towards her and was relieved when she didn’t pull away. The trust she showed, even after everything, made him give a small sigh of thanks. Raising his hand to her face again, he gently rubbed his thumb across her lips.

“Do you remember, when we first met, I told you to tell me if I made you uncomfortable? That still applies, you know. Everything I said then is still true. I’ll never hurt you, I’ll never let anyone hurt you. That means you need to tell me if anything I do makes you feel awkward.”

Meera blushed a little more then pressed her cheek into his palm.

“I feel so ridiculous. I’m middle-aged, for god’s sake. It’s completely ridiculous that I’ve just had my first kiss at the age of forty-one.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulled her close again.

“If it makes it any better, I haven’t kissed anyone else since before I met you.”

She pulled back in shock then allowed herself to be held close.

“What on earth are you talking about?” she muttered into his chest. “You can’t tell me that you’ve been living like a monk the whole time we’ve been apart.”

Gently, he kissed her hair then quietly said “Meera, I didn’t want anyone except you. I’ll never want anyone except you. It didn’t matter whether you were here or not, I couldn’t be with anyone else. I won’t lie, I tried; in the first few years I tried. But I just couldn’t and then I stopped trying. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

She sighed, and he felt her breath caress his chest.

“Well, at least you didn’t spend fifteen years pining after someone you thought you had killed,” she muttered. “I thought that what you did had broken me so badly that I couldn’t feel that way anymore.”

Meera had to stop speaking for a moment when Raj’s arms tightened around her so much that she almost couldn’t breathe.

It took a few seconds but he realised that he was squeezing her too tightly and relaxed his hold.

Still not looking up at him she said “It wasn’t your fault. Remember that.”

She didn’t say anything till she felt him nod then continued “I haven’t wanted anyone since I wanted you Kaali. You’re stuck with me.”

Meera felt him smile then heard “I couldn’t be happier.”


	49. The Perfect Day

It’s possible that they would have remained there for a long time, but they were disturbed by the sound of a phone ringing.

Raj looked across at where his phone was vibrating away on the sofa. It was Veer’s ring-tone and he knew that his brother would keep ringing until he got an answer.

Sighing regretfully, he said “It’s Veer.”

Meera smiled at the tone of his voice and pushed him away.

Raj let his arms drop from around her and walked to the sofa, answering with a brief “What’s up, Veer?”

He listened to his brother talk at full-speed, managing to interpret what he was saying only due to years of experience.

The gist of the matter was that the Registrar wasn’t available to perform the beach wedding that Veer and Ishita wanted for two months; Veer had talked to Ishita and they had chosen a date, but they just wanted to check that their siblings were happy with it.

It was slightly embarrassing to realise that Veer had assumed that Meera would still be with him, but he could hardly deny it; putting the call on hold, he relayed the conversation to Meera.

She didn’t really need to say anything; a quirk of her eyebrows was enough for him to understand what she was thinking. The sooner the better, her look said; once Veer and Ishita were settled, the two of them could move on with their own life too.

Raj nodded in response and spoke to Veer again, giving their agreement.

He could hear Veer smirking down the phone; Veer said “I’m glad you and Meeradi agree. Do you want me to talk to the Registrar about a date for the two of you as well? I’m here already, I might as well.”

Before Veer could say anything else, Raj ended the call. Whilst it was highly likely that he and Meera would be making their own arrangements with the Registrar soon enough, he didn’t need his little brother’s interference.

Raj looked over at where Meera was standing. It was mid-afternoon and they had been together all day. She had to be hungry; he was certainly starting to feel some pangs himself.

“Veer will be home soon,” he warned her, unsure if she wanted to make it so patently obvious that she and Raj had genuinely skipped past ‘simply reconnecting’ straight into the ‘we’re settling in for the long haul’ stage of their relationship.

She shrugged, “You could just tell him to pick Ishita up and come and meet us? I’m starving. We can go over to my place or I could get them to send some food over here?”

He thought about it then said “Let’s go to your restaurant. I’ll tell Veer to meet us there.”

They spent the rest of the day together, eating at her restaurant once Veer and Ishita had arrived, and talking about plans for the future.

As the sun started to set, Raj drew Meera to one side and whispered “You know, I’ve spent a lot of evenings and nights wandering this beach, just hoping I’d see you. That’s how I saw King’s men that night. Do you want to come and walk with me for a while tonight?”

She smiled her agreement and kicked off her shoes, leaving them to one side as they wandered onto the gorgeous golden sand.

They walked along the beach for an hour or more, enjoying the sunset and talking quietly about whatever came into their minds. She told him some of what she had been doing over the last years, talking about her life in Delhi and the businesses she ran.

Raj was impressed; Meera had turned her ability to organise and manage people into a small but successful business empire.

He asked “Do you still have to travel a lot?” wondering if he was going to put in a lot more travelling-time than he had for many years.

Meera stopped in her tracks. Wondering what had happened, he turned and looked at her.

“I’m not going to just stay at home, you know. You know that, don’t you? I’m not just turning into your little stay-at-home wife!”

It took a minute for the reason for her over-reaction to come to him then he remembered what kind of man Dev Malik had been.

Realising that his best option was just to tell the truth, he smiled and said “Of course. Actually, I was thinking more about how much travelling I was going to be doing. If you spend a lot of your time travelling between your businesses, I thought I would probably travel with you, if you didn’t mind.”

Her look of absolute amazement made him laugh out loud. “Meera, did you really think that was what I was going to ask you to do?”

When she nodded, he stepped close and put his finger under her chin, tipping it up so that he could look straight into her eyes.

“I’m never going to hurt you, ever.”

A glorious smile broke across her face and in that moment, everything was perfect. They walked hand in hand back to the restaurant, and little while later, he took her home.

The gentle goodnight kiss they shared just before he started his own drive home was the perfect end to what had been a perfect day.


	50. Belonging

With two weddings to arrange, everyone suddenly became busier than they could have imagined when they had so quickly made decisions on that day.

The two weddings were set a week apart, with Jenny and Siddhu going first with their big blow out white wedding; Veer and Ishita were having a smaller beach wedding a week later. That meant that there were four separate events to arrange and coordinate, and four sets of invitations to be written and sent out.

It must be said that Ishita and Jenny were the ones who took the lead in all the arrangements; they knew what they wanted and their older siblings were quite happy to let them have everything they asked for. Despite appearances, Jenny was extremely sensible; between the two girls, nothing was left to chance.

Veer and Ishita were floating on cloud nine, but it seemed only natural that it should be that way. All the details had been worked out and they were now simply counting the days until they could be together. For them, the time was spent consolidating their relationship; they talked and discussed and bickered but grew closer with every passing day.

One of the things they couldn’t help talking about was their siblings’ relationship, and they were both worried. Each was aware that they would be moving on in life, and neither wanted to leave their sibling alone.

It was almost unconscious, but they tried to play matchmaker, both separately and together. They made it even easier for Raj and Meera to spend time together, though they seemed to think the older two were unwilling.

Handing over responsibility to Jenny and Ishita had actually meant that Raj and Meera had time to spend together, unobserved by nosy siblings and friends. With everyone so caught up, it was easy for their friends and family to think that they weren’t spending any time together; Raj often found himself amused by Veer’s unsubtle attempts to encourage their romance while Meera had to deal with Ishita’s curiosity about what was actually going on.

Their siblings seemed to think that the spark had fizzled out; the truth was that it was burning hotter than ever.

Raj and Meera knew they were deeply in love but still, they needed to learn each other all over again. They couldn’t help but be reminded of their first courtship, but their relationship was able to deepen so much more than it had had the chance to when they had first been together. Without the worry of being discovered, without having to constantly think about the consequences of their relationship, with the knowledge of what life was like without each other, it was pure joy to be with each other again.

There was no real reason why they were being discreet; after all, everyone in their extended ‘family’ knew how they felt about each other. It just somehow felt more natural to not broadcast every move they were making and allowed the younger couples to take centre stage in the run up to their own weddings.

It had to be said that it did add a little frisson to their meetings, whilst both were taking a certain amusement from teasing Veer and Ishita.

It also had to be said that there were a few awkward moments; neither were experienced with relationships and both were used to doing just as they wanted. It took time before they started to realise what actually being part of a couple meant.

Perhaps if they hadn’t been apart for so long, things might have turned sour between them, but that long separation ensured that they knew exactly how bleak life would be if they were separated again. Each took turns in swallowing their pride and they both started to learn how to compromise.

For a while, Raj simply basked in the joy of having her there with him. All those years of dreaming of her, of missing her and wanting her; all of that time seemed nothing but a dark memory to him. Hand-in-hand walks on the beach, evenings spent curled up next to each other, quiet meals together; everything was just as he had hoped it would be.

Raj wanted to ask Meera when she would marry him the very moment he had seen her again, that day when he had gone to her house. It had been nothing but an impossible thought at that time, but now things had changed. With every day that passed, he wanted nothing but to turn an unspoken assumption into something they both wanted and were moving towards, together. He remembered the times Meera has spoken of herself as his future-wife, both now and fifteen years ago, but he had no way of knowing if it was just a figure of speech to her or whether she really did want to marry him.

It took a month before Raj felt that he could ask; a month of spending time with her, of being with her, of learning about her, a month of falling deeper and deeper in love with her every day. At the end of that month, he knew that the Meera he was in love with wasn’t just a mirage born of longing and memory. He knew that what he had dreamed of over the last fifteen years actually existed, that Meera truly was as perfect for him as the image he had clung to.

At the end of that month, he realised that he needed to ask her if she felt the same. Raj realised that he needed to hear her say it, needed to hear her say once again that she would let him be hers.

One afternoon, leaving Veer and Ishita at home writing invitations, he drove over to Meera’s house. In his pocket was a ring; it was the ring that Anjali had given him on his twenty-first birthday. It was a masculine ring, not designed as an engagement ring at all, but he had spent more than a few minutes imagining it on Meera’s hand and knew it would look perfect there.

Veer thought he was going to meet a client; he hadn’t told his brother about his intentions, not wanting to be inundated with questions about what had been going on.

As the maid let him in to the house, he took a deep breath. It was the first time he had ever thought about officially proposing to Meera, or giving her a ring; fifteen years before, with the certainty of youth, it hadn’t seemed important. But now, after everything, he wanted the formality of it, wanted to see his ring on her finger for the world see and to know there was a proper bond between them.

In a repeat of the moment he had seen her again after their separation, he heard her voice as she stood at the top of the stairs, the sunlight flooding the room.

“Kaali? I didn’t know you were coming over today, I thought we were going to meet later this evening.”

She walked down the stairs as she spoke, looking as beautiful as she always did; there was a welcoming smile on her face which faded a little when she saw how serious he looked.

“Is everything ok?” she asked, walking up to him and laying a hand on his cheek.

It had become their normal mode of greeting; as always, he turned his lips into her palm and lay a kiss there before bringing her hand down to hold it in his.

The ring was burning a hole in his pocket as he thought about what he wanted to say.

“Do you remember, years ago, you thought I wanted you to be my trophy-wife? And then a few weeks ago, you thought I might want you to be a stay-at-home wife?”

She looked at him in askance and he realised he was making an absolute hash of it.

Taking a deep breath, Raj realised that he needed to do this the traditional way, for his sake more than hers.

He let go of her hand and took a step back then dropped to one knee in front of her.

The look on her face turned to one of absolute joy and that joy itself was enough to give him the words he needed.

They were both smiling as he said “Meera, I love you. I am yours, for always. Will you be mine?” pulling the ring from his pocket as he spoke.

From the instant he had seen the smile on her face, he had known what she would say, but the moment she held her hand out for him to slide the ring onto her finger was still one of the happiest moments in his life.

They stayed as they were for a few heartbeats forming a picture-perfect tableau, before he stood. The minute he was on his feet, Meera threw herself into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she lifted her face for his kiss.

When they finally broke apart she said “You’ve always been mine, Kaali, Raj, whatever your name is, you’ve always been mine. I’ll always be yours”.

They stood there in perfect harmony, blissfully happy together as they had always known they were meant to be.


	51. Timing

From the moment Meera had learned the truth about what her father had done, her love for Kaali had no longer been something that she hid from herself. And yet, somehow she hadn’t really thought about the future.

She had assumed that they would be together but hadn’t thought about what that would mean. That may have seemed strange to anyone looking at them from the outside, surrounded as they were by talk of weddings and arrangements and dresses, but it was absolutely true.

The month they had spent together had been no less of a halcyon period for her than it had been for Raj. Getting to know him again, readjusting to having him in her life, it had all happened so naturally that she didn’t even bother thinking about the future. She knew without either of them having to say anything that they would be together forever.

It wasn’t until the moment that she saw Kaali kneeling before her that she realised how much she had needed to hear him say it out loud; how much she had wanted him to ask her to be his wife. She felt foolish; at their ages, to have wanted the storybook romantic moment seemed nothing but ridiculous.

And yet, he had somehow known what she needed, had needed it too.

The ring he gave her that day was a formal recognition, a formal declaration; it was a clear symbol that things were different to fifteen years ago.

As Raj placed the ring on her finger, she knew that this time things would be different. This time, the world wouldn’t be able to part them, no matter what happened.

Meera stood in Raj’s arms, unable to control the wide smile on her face.  It wasn’t until they heard the door start to open that they moved apart. The maid, Mary, walked in and stopped abruptly, sure she was interrupting something. The two people standing in front of her kept staring at each other, their gazes locked.

“Miss Malik, shall I serve lunch for you and Mr Bakhshi?” she asked, wondering what was going on.

Without looking away from Raj’s face, Meera nodded and said “Please, do. I think we could both do with some food”.

As Mary walked out of the room with a nod, Meera and Raj moved close to each other again.

Wrapping his arms gently around her waist, Raj teasingly asked “So, do you want a big white wedding like Jenny or a beach wedding like Ishita? Or do you want to do something completely different, Miss Malik?”

She grinned a little. “If I told you I wanted the big Indian wedding, with five days of events people everywhere, you’d do your best to persuade me out of it wouldn’t you?”

Trying to look abashed, he started to shake his head; her knowing look made him change tactics and instead he laughingly said “Yes, I think I would. But I’d give in if it was really what you wanted. It’s not _really_ what you want though, is it?”

Trying to put a hang-dog look on his face, he looked at her till she burst out laughing.

“You know me better than that. All I want is you, me, our families and the person marrying us. That’s less than ten people, by my count. You can handle that, can’t you?”

“For you, sweetheart, I can handle anything,” he laughed as he spoke, twirling her round as if they were teenagers.

As her feet touched the floor again, she laughed and said “I don’t even want to think how your brother and my sister are going to react. They’re probably going to want to do something silly, like a double wedding.”

They looked at each other for a moment as the truth of her words sank in; Veer absolutely _would_ want a double wedding, or to delay his own wedding to Ishita so that his big brother could get married first.

Simultaneously they said “Let’s not tell them”.

He nodded as he continued “Let them get married first. I’ll arrange it all, get the Registrar to come and marry us the day after their wedding, before they go off on honeymoon. If that’s okay with you?”

Raj looked at Meera as he spoke, utter certainty on his face.

“The day after Veer and Ishita’s wedding, in the morning. That’s when we’ll get married,” she agreed.

As they looked at each other in perfect harmony, they both knew that even though it was only a month, it was going to be an interminably long wait.


	52. From Engagement to Wedding

Over the next three weeks, Ishita and Veer became increasingly concerned about what was happening between their siblings. After the promising start on the day of their engagement, it seemed that everything had just fizzled out.

Both Ishita and Veer knew how their sister and brother felt about each other; being so happy themselves, they couldn’t help but want Raj and Meera to find the same happiness.

They talked to Anwar and Shakti, but those two had learned from the extremely unfortunate tale they had spun about Pogo and Ramlal, and thus refused to get involved at all. Their decision to stay out of any matchmaking efforts was reinforced when they went to see the Registrar about Veer and Ishita; the man accidentally let it slip that Raj had been to see him, which reassured them that their friend knew what he was doing.

The three weeks between Raj and Meera’s engagement and Jenny’s wedding to Siddhu passed as if they were playing out a romantic comedy movie for real.

Veer’s unnecessary attempts to throw Meera and Raj at one another were reinforced by Ishita trying to counsel her sister and Veer trying to ask his brother what had happened to make him leave Meera alone.

Both Meera and Raj managed to keep their secret though; it touched them how much their siblings cared, but they were sure that it was better to not tell them about their plans. In some ways, trying to match-make was good for both Ishita and Veer; it was stopping them from stressing about their own wedding too much.

Those three weeks were busy for other reasons too; Veer and Raj sat down and talked about their living arrangements would work when Ishita moved in (which reminded Raj of the conversation he had had with his father before that ill-fated day fifteen years ago).

The house the brothers lived in was luckily well designed for two families to live in; there were two wings surrounding the central courtyard and living area.

They agreed that things would work best if they each had a separate wing, though of course they planned to live as a joint family. Knowing that Meera would be joining them, Raj couldn’t help but be glad when his brother agreed that newly-weds needed privacy. Veer might have thought that his brother was just being kind; the truth was that Raj didn’t want any awkwardness when Meera moved in too.

Veer chose a bedroom and started moving his possession, once the whole house received a swift make-over. New bathrooms, new furniture, new everything went into the rooms Veer (and quietly Raj) had chosen; it was amazing what could be achieved when money was no object.

Ishita’s belongings also had to be transferred; she kept a few things at the house she and Meera were renting to tide her over until after the wedding, but for all intents and purposes, she had moved the bulk of her possessions over to the Bakhshi house by the day of Siddhu’s wedding.

Meera had to be much more discreet about it, but she packed up her belongings and transferred as much as she could too; it was easy enough when things were already moving from one house to the other.

When Ishita asked why she was packing, Meera told her she was going to move into a smaller rented property whilst she looked for something more permanent; she didn’t need all of that space just for one person. The answer was smooth enough to keep Ishita from asking too much more, but the attempts to push Meera and Raj increased exponentially once it actually sank in to Ishita’s mind that she was leaving her sister to live alone.

The other thing that was keeping Raj busy was an uptick in reports about King’s men trying to sell drugs around their area. He, together with Anwar and Shakti, spent more than a few late nights dispensing rough justice to King’s men.

He had told Meera about his extra-curricular activities, knowing that she would understand why he did what he did. She had seen firsthand that he had kept his fighting skills up to scratch; he was also unsurprised to learn that she still owned a number of guns, and that she kept both her marksmanship and combat skills up-to-date with regular work-outs.

They even spent one enjoyable afternoon sparring together in Raj’s secret armoury; it started out quite innocently as they enjoyed comparing their marksmanship scores. It wasn’t until they started sparring that it became clear that they were incapable of keeping their hands off each other if left alone for too long. Only the sound of someone entering the password into the electronic lock made them jump apart; when Shakti walked in, they had managed to pull their clothes back into place and gave the appearance of two people who had been calmly comparing shooting styles.

It was that same day that Raj presented her with her own gun safe in the armoury; if they hadn’t been expected at a family dinner, it’s entirely possible that the kiss Meera gave Raj to thank him for it would have become something far more heated.

All in all, by the time Jenny and Siddhu’s wedding came around, it was fair to say that both Bakhshi brothers and both Malik sisters were ready to get on with the rest of their lives.


	53. Unmasking

The morning of Jenny and Siddhu’s wedding arrived, and it was a perfect Goa day; the sky was cloudless and the breeze gentle.

The wedding went off perfectly; the service was beautiful (Oscar cried) and the happy couple looked happy enough to burst.

As the wedding party walked out of the church, Raj walked with his brother and Meera walked with her sister, well aware that in a week it would be Veer and Ishita who would be taking vows and joining their lives together.

Raj couldn’t help but throw a heated look at Meera; she looked more beautiful than any other woman he had ever seen, the glow of her golden skin enhanced by the beautiful golden saree that she wore. What made her look even more wonderful was the absolutely unfettered joy on her face; she had been smiling more and more over the last few weeks but on that day her smile was brighter than a thousand candles.

She smiled even more as their eyes met, clearly admiring how he looked too. There was a secret delight shared between them at that moment; they knew how close they were to having all their dreams come true too.

At the reception, once the dancing started, they stood near each other; not quite close enough to touch but close enough to be aware of the other’s presence by their side.

Ishita and Veer were on the dance floor, lost in each other’s eyes. As they watched them, Meera and Raj shared a look, full of heat and knowledge and contentment. Just before Raj could extend his hand for Meera to take, Veer was there, offering his hand instead; it was clear that his little brother thought that Raj was going to leave Meera just standing there without offering her a dance.

Rather than be cross, Raj suppressed a laugh; poor Veer was going to have the shock of his life when he found out about their plans.

As Meera took Veer’s hand, she looked over at Raj, as if to say “He’s your little brother, _you_ control him”.

Veer saw the look and looked at him too, obviously hoping he would step in. Rather than give his brother what he wanted, Raj nodded as if to give his permission, then watched as Veer escorted Meera away.

As Raj had expected, within a minute or so, Ishita came over and hooked her arm through his, not even giving him a chance to say no. Raj allowed himself to be pulled onto the dance floor; his sister-in-law-to-be was a sweet girl and it was no hardship to spend a little time with her.

Veer wasn’t a bad dancer; his early years at boarding school had included ballroom dancing lessons and some of them had stuck. As he carefully held Meera at a respectful distance, he made polite conversation too.

He couldn’t help but still be slightly intimidated by Ishita’s sister; they had talked about why Meera had tried to use him to punish Raj and had come to an understanding, but there was still a hint of reserve between them. He also continued to accidentally call her Pogo much of the time; that was one thing she would probably never forgive Anwar and Shakti for.

“Pogodi,” he said “Thank you. You’re letting me marry your sister; I have to thank you for that.”

On the same dance floor, Raj was answering Ishita’s almost identical speech “You don’t need to thank me. When the two of you love each other, of course you must marry.”

Ishita and Veer had decided to take the plunge that day and directly ask Raj and Meera what had happened between them. They had planned their strategy carefully, hoping that simultaneous leading questions would put Meera and Raj into the right frame of mind for romance when they finally ‘accidentally’ led them to each other on the dance floor.

Ishita asked Raj “If love means marriage, why have you never married yet?” at the same time that Veer asked Meera the same question.

Wise to their siblings’ tactics, both Meera and Raj gave the same non-answer “There is a reason, I just can’t tell you what it is”.

Veer and Ishita both moved on to the next part of their plan; they tried to make Meera and Raj think about getting married by talking about how easy it would be to arrange another wedding; they were virtually experts now and had bargaining down to an art, they reminded their siblings, so would get a great deal (clearly, they were relying on the tactics of desperation).

Raj could hardly hold in his laughter when Ishita talked to him about how cheap it would be to have another wedding soon. He couldn’t help but ask “Does my face really make you think ‘miser’ when you look at me?”

That response wasn’t exactly what Ishita had hoped for, and she backtracked quickly “No, no that’s not what I meant, but I had to come up with some excuse, didn’t I, to try and get things to progress?”

Through good planning and a little careful choreography, Veer and Ishita had managed to manoeuvre themselves so that at that very moment, they arrived next to each other on the dance floor; with a synchronised twirl of their dance partners, they delivered Meera into Raj’s arms and danced off together.

Meera and Raj were left standing in each other’s arms; in truth there was nowhere else they would rather have been.

It was utter bliss being together and as they started swaying to the music, they moved so close that they were plastered together from head to toe.

A few moments passed before they remembered they were in public; drawing back they looked away from each other to allow themselves to catch their breath.

Catching sight of the bride and groom, Raj said “they look happy don’t they?”

Meera looked in his eyes, wondering where he was going with this conversation. “Yes, Raj, they do look happy.”

“Ishita and Veer will be married soon too, you know” he teased, “and you’ll miss Ishita a lot, won’t you?”

She would, that was true, so she nodded; she would miss Ishita when she was away on her honeymoon. She went along with Raj’s flirtatious dialogue, well aware that Ishita and Veer were doing their best to listen in on whatever they were saying to each other.

“Well, you could just come and see Ishita every day.”

Meera looked at Raj quizzically; surely he could come up with something better than that. After all, she was going to be living in the same house.

He continued talking and she realised he was determined to keep their secret right till the very last minute.

“If you want, I could pick you up at the shack every day and drop you off every night. You can have dinner with us; you know I’ve become an amazing cook”.

At that she couldn’t contain her laughter; the difference between his (now admittedly good) cooking skills and her ongoing ability to burn water was something that was a private joke between them.

“I could be your taxi service, your caterer and your escort, all in one.” The look he gave her made it clear exactly what he meant by offering his ‘escort service’, the comical leer on his face making it clear how much he was enjoying their ridiculous conversation.

“Wow” she answered “the only problem is, this daily picking me up, dropping me off, then repeat and repeat, I’m not sure that would work.”

Well aware of how absurd the whole conversation was, he asked “No? You’re right, it would be a bit much, wouldn’t it?”

Looking straight at him, she said “There has to be another way that I can see Ishita every day. Can you think of anything?”

“Well, I have got a solution, but I think we might need to discuss it, in private.”

She could almost see Veer’s ears prick up as he leaned forward and whispered in Ishita’s ears; the two were clearly still listening to as much as they could of the conversation between Raj and Meera.

Before she could say anything, Raj leaned forward, his face almost caressing hers.

In a voice that made her knees weak, he said “Can you meet me, tomorrow, for just five minutes?”

They shared a heated look, well aware of what they would be doing if they actually did find five minutes to be alone together.

Needing to get herself away from temptation, Meera twirled away, then stopped as if considering it.

“I’ll..........think about it” she teased, laughing as she turned away.

They walked to opposite sides of the dance floor, well aware that Ishita and Veer were still watching them. It was torture being so far apart, but having kept their secret for so long, it had become a flirtatious game they were playing and neither wanted to call a halt to it so close to the end. The frisson of excitement of keeping a secret was too much fun; it cleansed their hearts of the secrets they had kept so long ago that had ended up causing so much pain.

The reception continued as receptions do; everyone danced with anyone they could persuade onto the dance floor and a good time was being had by all.

Just before the speeches were due to start, Jenny noticed that her brother was missing. Beckoning Veer over, she asked him to see where Oscar was.

Veer looked all around the reception hall, in all the quiet corners and all the nooks and crannies but Oscar was nowhere to be found.

Meera could see that he was looking for someone, so she started to make her way over to him; just before she reached his side, two men who she recognised as King’s goons grabbed him and unceremoniously dragged him outside.

Meera cursed inwardly; Kaali had gone to get the cake from the bakery and she wasn’t sure how soon he would be back.

She looked around for her purse and pulled out her phone; sending him a text which simply said “GET BACK HERE, NOW!”, she made her way out to where Veer had been taken.

When she saw the group of men standing there, she cursed herself even more. As neither she nor Kaali had any reason to assume King or his men would gate crash Siddhu’s wedding, neither of them had brought guns with them today; she would be next to useless in a fight dressed as she was in stiletto-heels and a saree.

Meera watched from a distance as King continued his ridiculous grandstanding; clearly she and Kaali weren’t the only ones keeping secrets.

When the fighting started and Veer was attacked, she rushed forward, unsure what she would do but unable to stand by quietly.

When Veer was thrown to the ground, she knelt to cradle him in her arms, feeling as protective as if it were Ishita lying there.

As Veer lay momentarily stunned, she wanted to kick herself even more for being weapon-less but that feeling lasted only for a moment before she realised she had the deadliest weapon she could ask for at her command.

Though she had no way of knowing for sure whether Kaali had received her message or whether he had returned, she had absolute faith in him.

She knew that she needed him; she knew that that meant he would be there when she called. The pathetic group of men would be nothing but an irritation to be dealt with to him. And so, in a voice as clear as a bell, she summoned her sword and shield, knowing that he would be ready to level armies at her behest.

“Kaali” she called, just that one word, just his name.

And that was all it took for him to make his way to her side. That was all it would ever take for him to come, if she needed him. Just his name.

As he walked in to the ground, he saw her; reading the anger in her eyes and seeing the protective way she was curled around his baby brother, he understood the situation in an instant.

It took him a moment to remind himself that these were two-bit gangsters, that it wouldn’t be right to cover the grass in their blood. He took a moment to breathe, to exert control; it helped to see her watching him like a queen watching her champion going in to battle for her. There would never be any question about it; he was hers to command now and all she wanted then was for him to defend their family.

It took him scant moments to work his way through the crowd of men in front of him; angry as he was at their impudence, it took more effort to control himself and not kill them than if he had simply allowed himself free-rein.

As he reached Meera and his brother, he knelt by them for a moment, trying not to think about all the questions that must have been running through Veer’s mind at that second. Raj put those thoughts to one side, using the anger he felt at King for unmasking him to add momentum to his destructive course to reach King himself.

Raj could feel Veer’s eyes on him; as he brutally punched King in the head repeatedly he became aware of the babble of noise behind him. The sound of voices finally penetrated the haze of rage surrounding him; as he let King drop to the ground and turned, he became aware of the number of people who had seen his capacity for violence first-hand.

It was almost too much to take in; to be unmasked in this way was beyond Raj’s worst nightmares.

Steeling himself, he straightened his back and walked towards the crowd of his friends and family, some of whom were staring at him in abject horror.

Veer was looking at him as if he didn’t recognise him; it was only the sight of his lady-love and his oldest friends that gave Raj the strength to face whatever Veer might think of him after seeing the pure violence he was capable of.

Raj was so caught up in thoughts of what he would say and how he would explain himself that he was unaware of King lumbering to his feet.

 All Raj could see was the look of disbelief on Veer’s face, but as he approached, Meera saw the movement behind him and realised what was happening.

In an instinctive reaction, she stepped forward to push Kaali out of the way, but as she did, she was aware of a tearing pain in her left shoulder as a bullet slammed into her at high speed.


	54. King's Exit

The force of Meera’s push turned Raj around. She was plastered down his front, shielding him when he felt the impact of the bullet smashing into her.

The world stood still until he heard her take a deep breath in, the pain and surprise stunning her into silence.

A dismayed stillness descended across all the people surrounding Raj and Meera; few of the people standing there were accustomed to being close to guns and violence, and it was shocking to have such a happy occasion disrupted in such a way.

Raj cradled Meera as her legs gave way; she knew she wasn’t badly hurt but her first gunshot wound was still far more painful than anything she had imagined. Ishita knelt next to them, terrified at the sight of her indomitable sister brought to her knees.

It was the sight of Meera crumpling to the floor in Raj’s arms that finally broke the stunned immobility of the crowd; as one, they turned and ran at King. It was a most foolish strategy, especially as he was still holding a loaded gun, but none of them were experienced fighters and so just reacted without thinking.

Thankfully King was more a talker than a man of action; the sight of a group of men out for his blood running straight at him threw him into a panic, leaving him unsure what to do.

King raised the gun in the air and shot one bullet, perhaps hoping the sound would scare the crowd; sadly for him, his strategy didn’t work. He was swamped by the group of men, who started punching and kicking him; it wasn’t long before he was begging for mercy.

Though a part of Raj wished that he had been the one to deliver the punishment King so richly deserved, nothing could have pulled him away from Meera’s side at that moment. The sight of blood staining her clothes filled him with fear; having just found her again, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.

It took a minute before Meera spoke and those sixty seconds felt infinitely long to both Raj and Ishita as they knelt there with her.

“Okay, it’s okay. Kaali, stop them, otherwise the police will turn up and start asking questions.”

Despite the pain, her brain was actually working better than Raj’s; she could see what would happen if the crowd actually lynched King.

The sound of her voice woke Raj up to what was happening in front of him; realising that there was a risk of things going too far, he shouted “Anwar, Shakti. Enough.”

It had been years since the two men had heard that particular tone of voice, but they hadn’t forgotten it. Their experience of fighting meant that they soon reined in the other men’s attempts to keep beating King.

Once the two of them were standing over King, they looked at Kaali (in that moment, he was clearly Kaali, not Raj), waiting for instructions.

He looked down at Meera; she looked pale and had some beads of sweat on her forehead. Despite that, the look in her eyes was fierce.

“Go and deal with him. He’s caused us enough trouble, Kaali. I want him gone.”

It was said quietly but firmly and he took it for the command that it was. He nodded once then gently transferred Meera into Ishita’s care.

Standing, Kaali stalked over to where King was starting to stir. He knelt next to the battered man and growled “Look at me.”

It took a few seconds but King managed to raise his head enough to stare into Kaali’s face.

In that same terrifying voice, Kaali said “Remember when I said I hoped you never found out who Kaali was? This is why. You are going to regret the day you ever heard my name.”

With that, he delivered a single punch that that landed like a thunder-bolt.

King lost consciousness again and Kaali stood to face Anwar and Shakti. The other men had made their way back to where Meera was lying in the grass and appeared to be making arrangements for an ambulance.

“Take him to his place, grab some evidence then leave him with the police. Make sure you let the press know as well; he’s probably bought off at least some of the police round here, but with enough press coverage, they won’t be able to let him off easily.

“I’m going to take Meera to hospital and get her settled; I’ll call you when I’m done. Make sure you get details of where he stores his merchandise. We’ll hit them tonight, make sure he’s got absolutely nothing left.”

Anwar and Shakti nodded; it may have been some time since they had carried out an operation like this but King was small-fry compared to the people they had dealt with.

Kaali left them to get on with their task and turned back towards Meera; he found her looking straight him, her eyes locked on his with a burning intensity.

Walking back over to her side, he crouched down and looked at her; it was no surprise to him when she smiled.

He took her back into his arms and as he did, he heard her whisper “I think we’re going to match now, Kaali, aren’t we.”

It was enough to startle a laugh out of him; Veer and Ishita both turned to look at them and were confused to see them grinning widely at each other.

Before they could ask any questions, the ambulance arrived, and the crew came to get Meera onto a trolley and onto the vehicle.

Raj got onto the ambulance with her, unwilling to leave her until he knew she was safe and being looked after; he could see Ishita and Veer exchanging a look and realised that any plans they had had to keep things secret till after the beach wedding had just gone out of the window.

He held Meera’s hands on the journey to the hospital; they didn’t talk much but Raj’s fingers were constantly rubbing over the ring he had given her.

Half way there, he asked quizzically “Hasn’t Ishita asked why you’re suddenly wearing this ring all the time? I wondered if it might give the game away”.

Meera smiled through her discomfort.

“Well, she hasn’t really looked at me recently, I think. I thought she might but she hasn’t noticed. Just as well I suppose, though I think they’ve worked it all out now, don’t you?”

His answer was rueful “I think I might have given it away, don’t you? Sorry about that.”

As a hole in the road made the ambulance jolt, she tightened her grip in pain; he gripped back, wishing he could take the pain away from her.

“I think I’m glad they know. I’m glad you were there. I’m just glad”

Raj couldn’t help a sceptical “Glad? Really? You meet me the first time and you end up on crutches, you get involved with my family and you get shot. Are you sure you’re glad?”

Meera looked at him and sighed then gently tugged on his hands until he leaned in close to her.

“You’re an idiot. I love you. I’m glad”.

He smiled then kissed her ever so gently.

They stayed as they were, heads touching, for the rest of the journey.


	55. The Aftermath

When they arrived in the hospital Emergency Room they were met by Raj’s usual doctor, Dr Singh who was accompanied by a woman dressed in hospital scrubs.

“Mr Bakhshi, Veer phoned me. He explained what happened. I made some calls and asked Dr Rahman to attend. I’m not very experienced in dealing with gunshot wounds, but Dr Rehman was working as a trauma surgeon before she moved to Goa recently.”

Dr Rehman stepped forward, saying to Meera “If it’s ok with you, I’m going to kick these guys out so I can have a look at you.”

When Raj started to utter a denial, Meera said “That’ll be fine. Raj, why don’t you got and get the paperwork started. I’ll be okay here with Dr Rehman”.

Feeling a little as if he had just been dismissed, Raj left the room. Once he’d dealt with the paperwork, he came back to where he had left Meera, only to find she had been moved to a room on the High Dependency Unit. Raj made his way up there, made even more anxious by the idea of ‘high dependency’ but found that he was only allowed to sit outside Meera’s room. It wasn’t long before Dr Rehman emerged.

Raj stood as soon as he saw her.

“Doctor, is she ok?”

Dr Rehman smiled, used to dealing with anxious partners.

“She’ll be fine. We’re just taking her for a CT scan now then I’ll be able to tell her what needs to happen.”

“Can I go in?” Raj asked.

“Yes, that’s fine, but they’ll be here to take her to CT in a couple of minutes; you won’t be able to go to the scanner with her.”

Feeling slightly frustrated that there was nothing he could do, Raj walked into Meera’s hospital room.

The smile she gave when she saw him made him realise that nothing mattered, as long as she was okay.

Before he could say anything, a nurse arrived with an orderly to take Meera off for her scan. They touched hands as she was wheeled past him and he was left waiting alone.

The last time he had been in a hospital, he had been waiting to find out if Veer was ok; now he was waiting for Meera. The people he loved seemed to exist just to worry him.

It wasn’t long before Meera was back; Dr Rehman followed her into the room and started speaking as soon as Meera was settled.

“You’ll be glad to hear the bullet seems to have lodged itself in your chest wall. We’ll need to operate to get it out, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it could have been.

I’ve got an operating theatre being prepped right now, so we’ll get you up within the next twenty minutes or so. It’ll be a short procedure, but you won’t be back here for at least another four hours. Mr Bakhshi, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be; I’ll send you a message when Miss Malik is sent back to this room”

With a quick nod, she left the room, leaving Raj and Meera slightly dazed at the speed at which everything was happening.

“So,” she started, just as he said “She’s so terrifying, she’s got to be a good doctor, hasn’t she?”

She started to giggle then winced as her wound pulled.

Stepping close to the bed, he held her hand, saying “It won’t be long now, then you’ll start feeling better.”

Meera squeezed his hand tight; “I’m fine, I’ll _be_ fine. Don’t worry about me. I need you to think about what you’re going to tell Veer and Ishita instead.

“Veer’s never seen you fight like that, has he?”

At he shook his head, she continued “Well, then you need to figure out what you’re going to tell him about Kaali, and how Kaali knew Meera.”

Realising that she was finding a way to distract him while she was off having her operation, he smiled and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

“You’ll be fine, I’ll come up with a story for my brother and your sister, and in a few hours I’m going to wipe King’s operation out of my area. And then, in a few days, we’ll get married and we’ll forget that any of this ever happened.”

Before she could say anything in response, the team of nurse and orderly were back to take her to have her operation.

Raj kissed her once more on the forehead and then once, deeply, on the lips before he watched her being whisked away from him.

Standing there he realised that she was right; he needed to come up with a believable back-story for them.

He was just wondering where to start when Veer and Ishita barged into the room.


	56. Revelations

“Where is she?” Ishita asked, her eyes looking round the room as if Meera might be hiding somewhere.

There wasn’t any way to soften the blow however he phrased it, so Raj said “They’ve taken her up to have an operation to take the bullet out.”

As Ishita gasped and turned to Veer for comfort, Raj continued “She’s fine, she’ll be fine. The bullet didn’t hit anything dangerous. She’ll be ok.”

He stepped forward, putting a hand on each of their shoulders, trying to reassure them. It took a few minutes, but eventually Ishita’s silent tears stopped.

She turned to look at him, slightly embarrassed at having cried so much. Meera wasn’t someone who shed tears easily and Ishita had learned from her.

“She’ll be ok, won’t she Raj Bhaiyya?”

He wiped a stray tear from her face, saying “I said she’d be fine, didn’t I? She’s got a terrifying surgeon looking after her; that woman would probably just scare complications away.”

Veer stood silent, his arm slung protectively around Ishita’s shoulders. They were all still in their wedding finery; the black suit added to his stern appearance when he finally spoke.

“I didn’t know you could fight like that, Raj Bhaiyya. I mean, what you did, it wasn’t just the kind of fighting you do without training really hard. You never told me you knew how to do that. Is that another secret you haven’t told me? What else don’t I know?”

Raj realised that he had run out of time to come up with a believable story; he would just have to use the back-story Anwar and Shakti had come up with and build on it.

“Veer, just listen to me. Let me explain. I didn’t tell you before because it was too painful to think about everything I had lost, so I just never talked to you about it.”

Veer kept staring at him, a look of mulish-stubbornness on his face. Normally the most good-hearted of men, just occasionally he would dig his heels in about something and then it was impossible to move him. Clearly, this was one of those times and Raj would have to come up with something believable to stop his brother losing faith in everything Raj had told him over the years.

Raj turned to look out of the window, raking his hand through his hair and down his face. It had been a long day already and his mind was filled with worry about Meera. He wanted nothing more than to just sit quietly and think about her till she came back to him; instead he was having to come up with a cover-story that didn’t lay bare the dark corners of his and Meera’s past.

Keeping his back to Veer and Ishita, he spoke quietly.

“Do you remember that Anwar and Shakti told you how Meera and I met? We were very poor back then, but I wanted to make something of myself. I ended up working with some bad people, Veer; they’re the ones who gave me the name Kaali.

Meera didn’t approve; she wanted us to be together, she didn’t care whether we had money or not. We argued about it, so much that it destroyed us. She left and I was so angry that I didn’t look for her for years.”

He stopped speaking for a moment as he walked forward to lay his hands on the windowsill.

“By the time I realised what a fool I had been, she had gone and I couldn’t find her. There was something else, that’s just between me and her, but that was why she hated me so much when we met here in Goa. I’m not telling you about that, that’s our business.

“Anyway, that’s where I learned how to fight. I was working with them for a while, Veer, but it’s not a part of my past that I like thinking about. I wasn’t a good man back then. It took Meera walking away for me to realise how stupid I was being, but I still lost her. She was worried that I wouldn’t be able to leave the darkness behind, that I would be a bad influence on Ishita.

“Anyway, that’s the story. There’s nothing else to it. You can see why I never told you about this, can’t you? It’s not something I ever wanted you to know about me”

Raj could see Veer’s reflection in the window; he was silent for a few minutes then slowly let go of Ishita to approach Raj.

“You and Meeradi broke up because you decided being a gangster was the way to earn enough money to have a good life. Seriously? That was a stupid decision Bhaiyya. You should have listened to her, you could have been happy with her rather than living like a monk because you lost her.”

Thankful that Veer seemed to have accepted the tale, Raj turned to look at his brother.

“Can we just agree to never talk about this again?”

Veer turned to look at Ishita; at her gentle nod, he turned back to Raj and said “Okay Bhaiyya, we don’t have to talk about the past; what we do need to talk about is what’s going on between you and Meeradi now. You’ve spent the last couple of months hardly mentioning her and today you’re acting like her husband and coming to the hospital with her and everything. What’s going on?”

Raj sighed; he knew this was coming. Oh well, better just to get everything out in the open in one go then they could all be quiet for just a while.

“We didn’t stop seeing each other, we just thought we would let you all have the limelight and we could get to know each other again in peace. We were planning to tell you after you got married.”

He stopped for a second but could see from their faces that he was going to have to come clean.

“We’ve decided to get married too, the day after you. Just us, just the family, just before you guys go off on your honeymoon.”

Despite the tension of the situation, Ishita couldn’t contain a happy little squeal of joy.

“I told you, Veer. I told you everything would work out okay.”

She stepped closer hesitantly then finally gathered up the courage and threw herself into Raj’s arms.

“I’m so glad for you both. Now Meeradi won’t be alone and neither will you. Thank you for fixing it, Raj Bhaiyya.”

Rather overwhelmed by the tall young woman’s words, Raj found himself gently patting her back as she sniffled inelegantly into his shoulder. Veer stepped forward eventually and put his hand on her back; she turned and hugged him for a moment then said “How long has she been up there? It hasn’t been too long, has it?”

Raj shook his head “No, they said she’d be at least four hours, and that was only an hour ago. I think we should all take it in turns to go and get freshened up so that we are all here when she comes back.”

Ishita looked a little rebellious then looked at his face and agreed; not only was he right but he also didn’t look like he was in the mood for any disagreements.

“I’m going to go first, then when I get back, you two can go. Ishita, when you come back, make sure you pack a bag for Meera as well. She’ll need all the things she normally takes when she goes away on a trip.”

Just before he left, he said “Veer, don’t think I’ve forgotten the fact that you’ve been hiding something from me too. I want to hear all about it when I get back. You better have a good explanation for why King was after you; you better hope I understand why you didn’t tell me that there was something going on.”

With those slightly ominous words hanging in the air, he walked out of the room. He could hear the furious whispers behind him as he left and wondered whether Ishita was giving Veer as much of a tongue-lashing as he was going to.


	57. Conclusions

As he was leaving the hospital, Raj received a text message from Shakti. King had been left at the police station and was currently surrounded by not just police-men by lots of reporters holding copies of a variety of pieces of evidence.

They’d had the information and the strategy to deal with King’s organisation for a while; indeed, he could have dealt with King the day after the confrontation at Meera’s restaurant. The truth was that he had been distracted, first by his unhappiness and then by his happiness. He had been so wrapped up with what had been happening with Meera that he hadn’t even noticed that Veer had somehow become involved with King.

It took a few minutes before Raj could deal with the anger he felt at himself; his distraction had allowed King to keep dealing his drugs and had allowed King to hurt Meera. If only he had worked out some of his inner turmoil by beating up a few goons, if only he had worked through his anguish by destroying King’s organisation, then Meera might not be lying in a hospital bed.

He stood in the sunshine for a few moments, allowing the anger to just sit within him. When it had burned itself into an inferno, he let it rage for a few more seconds before he forced it down into a part of his brain that contained all the parts of Kaali he was constantly trying to leave behind.

What was done was done. Raj knew he couldn’t go back, and he had finally reached a juncture of his life where he was done looking back. King was dealt with and that was that.

The only King-related issue he would allow himself to dwell on would be what Veer’s involvement with King had been; once that was dealt with, King would be forgotten. He wasn’t too worried about what Veer would reveal; he knew his little brother well enough to know there would be some almost-completely reasonable explanation, probably related to payback for the beating Veer had received.

It almost made him smile, imagining the tall-story that Veer would come up with to explain what had happened, and it was with that hint of amusement buoying him up that Raj started his drive home.

A quick shower and change of clothes later, Raj was back at the hospital. He sent Veer and Ishita off to get sorted out and settled into Meera’s room to wait for her to come back from her operation.

He was sitting there trying to control his worry by daydreaming of the future when there was a knock at the door; Anwar and Shakti walked in after a beat.

They weren’t demonstrative, as a rule, but he found himself standing to greet his friends with handshakes and relieved embraces. The trio had been as close as brothers for so many years now; he knew things would inevitably change now that Meera was in his life but they would still be his family.  To have them there while he was filled with anxiety, waiting for Meera to come back to him; well, it felt right.

The three men sat down to wait; after about half an hour, Anwar asked “So Raj Bhai, do you think Meeraji will be well enough to have the wedding when you had planned? Or do you want us to talk to the Registrar to change the date?”

Raj looked at the two of them in honest surprise. He had known that they were more aware of what was going on than Veer and Ishita but hadn’t realised that they had learned all his plans.

Anwar smiled when he saw Raj’s slightly slack jaw.

“Raj Bhai, you should know that you can’t hide anything from us. Now, what do you think?”

Giving his head a slight shake at the turn of events, Raj replied “We’re not changing the wedding dates. Neither Veer and Ishita’s nor ours. I’m not waiting anymore and I’m not going to let some two-bit goon ruin anything for me. We might need to adjust things a bit, but we’re going ahead just like we planned.”

As he spoke, the door opened again. All three men jumped up, but rather than Meera being brought back to the room, Veer and Ishita walked in.

Ishita walked in quite calmly; she was working ridiculously hard to maintain the calm facade, but the underlying worry she was feeling was clear to see.

Veer, on the other hand, blanched when he saw the three men waiting for him.

Realising the time of reckoning had come, he started babbling almost as soon as he was through the door.

The entire ridiculous tale poured out at high-speed; Raj winced when he realised how completely distracted he had been (how else could he have missed a gorgeous antique car being modified under his nose), but ended up laughing. Only Veer would think it was a good idea to burn a drug cache on a street corner; only Veer could get caught in that situation by the gangster whose drugs he was burning.

Ishita had clearly already heard the idiotic things her fiancé had been up to, if the deadly looks she was throwing his way were any indication.

“Ishu,” Raj said “are you sure you want to marry this idiot? I’m sure Meera won’t leave me just because you decide you’re too good for him”

Ignoring the wounded glance Veer threw his way, Raj continued “Honestly, I can’t promise he won’t do something this stupid ever again, though I hope between us all we can solve any problems he causes”.

At that, Anwar and Shakti were unable to control their laughter anymore; their guffaws filled the room for a few minutes.

Ignoring the laughter, Ishita made her displeasure very clear, saying “I’m still thinking about it.”

The look of horror on Veer’s face made Raj join in his friends’ laughter.

“Well, when you decide, let me know. I’ll support whatever you decide” he managed to say.

He watched for a second as Veer went over to Ishita, trying his best to get her to forgive him; giving them some privacy, he looked at his friends to say “You remember a few years ago, you wanted me to settle down. Well, now I’m settled, Veer’s settled, Siddhu’s settled. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you two escape scot-free?”

Their laughter suddenly silenced, the two men looked at him apprehensively, but before they could say anything there was a knock at the door.

An orderly came in. “Miss Malik is just on her way back, she’s just left the recovery area now.”

Anwar, Shakti and Veer made their way to the door, intent on leaving. Each of them knew that Meera wouldn’t want them to see her in such a vulnerable state.

Shakti said “We’ll wait for you outside, let us know if you need anything. There are a few calls to make, just to wrap up everything, we’ll get those over and done with while we’re waiting.

“That weasel Raghav has called a few times, though I’ve got no idea how he heard what happened or where he got my number from. I’ll tell him that Meeraji is ok.”

With that, the three of them left the room, leaving Ishita and Raj to wait for Meera.

Ishita looked at the man who was going to be her brother-in-law.

“That story you told us, it wasn’t the whole truth, was it?”

Raj turned and looked at the young woman standing there, a young woman who loved Meera at least as much as he did.

“Does it matter? It’s all in the past. Whatever happened then, it’s done. I promise you, I’ll make her happy.”

He could feel her weighing up his words, looking at him as if looking into his soul. He hoped she couldn’t see the deep wells of guilt and darkness that lurked inside him, hoped that she hadn’t seen the same darkness inside Meera.

He could see the moment she reached her conclusion.

“You’re right. It’s done. Your past is over. We’re all starting again.”

They shared a look of perfect harmony, just as the door opened and Meera was wheeled in.


	58. While you were Sleeping

Meera looked pale and uncomfortable and just a little out of it. She attempted a smile when she saw Raj and Ishita waiting for her but couldn’t quite manage it.

Raj saw her wince as she shifted a little on the bed; he remembered how much everything ached after having your chest operated on and he stepped closer, wishing he could somehow wipe away her pain.

Ishita beat him to Meera’s side, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on Meera’s forehead and taking hold of her right hand.

“Meeradi, you’re okay. Don’t worry, you’re okay. Just a day or two and you’ll be up and around and you’ll be okay.”

There were tears in Ishita’s eyes as she spoke. It was obvious that she was finding it very hard to see her indomitable Meeradi looking so fragile.

Raj stepped up behind her and brought his hand up to her shoulder.

“Meera will be fine. She just needs a little rest. Don’t you sweetheart?”

He looked at her as he spoke, seeing from the look in her eyes that she was torn between wanting to reassure Ishita heself and simply wanting someone else to deal with everything.

Giving Meera a tiny smile, he put his other hand onto Ishita’s other shoulder.

“Ishu, she’s okay. She just needs some rest. Why don’t you go with Veer, get some rest. I’ll stay here with Meera and then tomorrow morning, you’ll see that she’s fine.”

She turned her head to look at him, clearly wanting to argue; there must have been something in his face that stopped her arguing because she nodded quietly, the tears slipping down her cheeks as she did.

Ishita turned back to her sister, leaning down to give her another gentle kiss on the forehead.

Meera lay quietly, so drained that she couldn’t find the strength to reassure her sister. It was a relief that Raj was there to be the strength she needed at that moment.

She gave Ishita a wan smile, hoping it would reassure her a little more.

Ishita said “Meeradi, I’ll see you tomorrow. Rest. I’ll look after everything.”

Turning to walk away, she threw a worried glance over her shoulder as she opened the door. It calmed her worries a little to see the protective way Raj was leaning over Meera, his hand curving gently over her cheek.

Somehow it reinforced her awareness of how things would inevitably change, now that Meera and Raj were together and she and Veer were to be married soon. Of course Raj would want to be with Meera now; of course it was right that he should be there rather than her sister.

It was a strangely poignant moment; Ishita and Veer had been each other’s only support for such a long time now that it was both joyous and disconcerting to realise that they had other people who they could rely on for support in times of need.

Walking out of the hospital into the gathering dusk, she saw Veer smile as he turned and saw her. It was with a happy heart that she walked towards him and took his hand; she knew her Meeradi would be fine with Raj there to look after her.

Raj heard the door close behind him as Ishita left the room, but his attention was wholly on the woman lying in front of him. Ever so gently, he cupped her cheek in his hand, stroking his thumb across her cheekbone.

“You’ll be okay soon, sweetheart. I know it hurts, but you’ll be okay soon.”

Meera wasn’t in any pain, not really, just a sore throat and general aches, but she felt completely drained. With the little bit of energy she had remaining, she pressed her face into his hand and managed a wan smile, saying quietly “Well, at least we match now Kaali.”

That was all she managed before she drifted into sleep.

Raj stood there just as he was for a while, standing with his hand resting against her cheek, unwilling to move in case he woke her. Eventually, when it became clear that she wasn’t going to rouse easily, he slipped his hand away and turned to quietly pull a chair closer to her bed.

He sat there just looking at her for a while then leaned forward and took her hand. Meera was deeply asleep and didn’t stir even as he interlaced his fingers with hers.

It took him a few minutes to realise what was troubling him, and then it sank in. Her fingers were bare. The nurse had removed all her jewellery before taking her to have her operation.

Raj was glad there was no one else there to see what he did; he gently disentangled his fingers from Meera’s and stood to make his way over to the side table where they had left her belongings in a small hospital property box. Quietly opening it, he looked through the items all messily mixed together until he found what he was looking for. He picked it out and looked at it thoughtfully. The ring he had put on her finger only a few weeks ago signified more than he had realised; he hadn’t realised how important it was to him that she was wearing it.

Trying his best to not disturb her, he returned to his place by her bed. Taking his seat, Raj gently lifted her hand, rubbing his finger along the mark at the base of Meera’s ring finger which showed where his ring normally sat.

He slid the ring back into place then, relieved they were still alone, he bent to lay a kiss just next to it. Meera sighed in her sleep and Raj froze, worried that he had disturbed her. A glance at her face reassured him; she was still deeply asleep but a smile lifted the edges of her lips, as if she too was glad to have the ring back where it belonged.

Raj sat there for as long as he could, just watching her sleep. A nurse came in to check on Meera; she moved expertly round her patient without disturbing her, checking Meera’s breathing and pulse and casting a glance at the bandage to ensure there was no bleeding.

Raj stayed where he was whilst the nurse was there, and once she left. Eventually he lay his head on the bed next to Meera’s hand. It wasn’t long before he drifted into a light sleep too, Meera’s hand still tightly clasped in his.


	59. 2am Conversations

Raj woke to the feeling of fingers running through his hair. He must have made a sound because the movement stopped and Meera said amusedy “I was the one getting the good drugs but you’re the one sleeping like a baby. Are you back with me now?”

He smiled as he sat up, taking hold of her hand and bringing it to his lips for a kiss.

“How are you feeling sweetheart? Shall I get the nurse?”

She shook her head “No, I’m fine. It aches a bit, but it’s okay. Just sit with me for a while.”

He tried to orient himself; standing up to look outside the window, he could see that it was dark and a glance at his watch showed that it was just past two o’clock in the morning.

“You should try and rest, your body needs rest to heal.”

Meera smiled “I’ve been sleeping for hours. I don’t think I can sleep anymore. Talk to me.”

Chuckling, he said “I’m not very good at monologues. What do you want me to say?”

“Did you ask Veer what one earth that man was doing at Siddhu’s wedding? What did King have to do with Veer?”

Raj sat back down next to Meera’s bed and started telling her the silly story.

She started laughing as he talked, bringing her hand up to where the bandage lay over her chest when the movement pulled at her wound.

Looking at her with concern, he stopped talking, but she gestured for him to continue. He did, after a brief pause, telling her about how King had been dealt with.

He ended with “It was my fault; I should have dealt with him a long time ago, but I was....”

Raj paused, looking at Meera and smiling before he finished “distracted”.

She let out an irritated noise. “How did I know that you’d find a way to blame yourself for this? This wasn’t your fault. Veer got tangled up with King, it had nothing to do with the fact that you’re Kaali or the fact that you beat his people up at the shack. It’s all over now and that is _that_.”

He laughed. Even lying in a hospital bed, she was able to cut through his crap and stop him feeling bad.

“You’re right. It’s over. King is gone. If anyone tries to come in and take over where he left off, we’ll deal with them too.

“We’re going to get Ishita and Veer married, then we’re getting married and then we’re going to live happily ever after.”

As he spoke, it was her turn to look a little perturbed.

“Do you think we should delay, just until I’m a little better? I’m not sure.......”

Raj squeezed her hand a little to get her attention then lifted it to his lips. Placing a gentle kiss just below her engagement ring, he said “Meera, Veer and Ishita are getting married when they intended to. I haven’t talked to them about it yet, but it _will_ happen. Then, just like we wanted, you and I are getting married and starting our life together. It _will_ happen, just the way we expected, on the day we planned. We have waited too long for this, my love, and I’m not waiting anymore.”

He saw the look in her eyes and could see that she still had worries.

“Do you trust me?”

Meera rolled her eyes at the melodramatic question.

“Well then, just trust me on this. Everything will be fine.”

Something about his absolute certainty must have sunk into her too; she smiled as he spoke and said “Okay. One week more. Now, you should go before the nurse comes in and finds you; I’m sure you’re not meant to be here this late. Go now, Raj, come and see me tomorrow when I’m a little bit more put together.”

Raj opened his mouth to protest, but she gave him a look filled with admonishment before he could speak.

Giving in to her wishes, he kissed her hand again then stood up to leave.

As he put his hand on the door handle to let himself out, he turned back to her and said “Did you know, half the time you call me Raj and half the time you call me Kaali.”

Meera looked surprised, answering “I hadn’t realised. I suppose you’re both to me, both Kaali and Raj. You’re both the same to me, both parts of you are mine. I don’t even think about which name I use.”

For some reason, that simple statement gave him a warm feeling in the centre of his chest. He was smiling as he walked out of the room; the smile stayed on his face until he fell asleep.

Meera was left alone in the hospital room, a matching smile on her face.

She had woken to find Raj sleeping with his head resting on the bed next to her hand. She had lifted her hand to wake him and the sight of his ring back on her finger had made her pause. Instead of waking him, she had lain there gently stroking his hair thinking about what had happened. She couldn't help but think about it again now that she was alone.

Deep inside, it felt like she could finally close the door on the past. The guilt of having gone back on the promise she had given Kaali all those years ago had been simmering inside her ever since she had learned the truth. She had promised to always listen to him, always give him a chance to explain. Instead of that, she had shot him.

Though Meera knew that Raj would be upset if he knew how guilty she felt, Meera couldn’t help it. She had injured him, had reacted without thinking and by that over-reaction, she had condemned them both to over fifteen years of torment.

Now, lying there in that hospital bed having taken a bullet for the man she loved, a deeply primitive part of her felt that she had paid her dues. She had proven to herself that she was worthy of Raj’s love. She knew there was no logic to the way she felt, knew that Raj would be deeply hurt if he knew that she had felt that she deserved to be punished for her past mistakes.

But however stupid and unreasonable her feelings were, at least now she could forget everything and start afresh. No guilt, no regrets, no more looking back. She was ready.

In one week, their life together would start in truth.


	60. Healing

In the morning, the nurses helped Meera bathe and dress and changed her dressings; a little while later the doctors arrived to assess Meera. They were quite happy with the way the operation had gone and with her progress over the last twelve hours.

When Meera asked when she could go home, Dr Rehman said “You can go home today, Miss Malik, but you’ll need someone to be there with you. You’ll need physiotherapy for your shoulder, you’ll need a nurse to come in and dress the wounds for the next few days; the hospital will be able to arrange all of that for you. But once those things are all sorted out, I’m happy for you to be discharged later today. I’ll expect to see you again in about two weeks for a follow up appointment, all being well.”

With that, Dr Rehman nodded, looked at her entourage to ensure they would follow her instructions and swept from the room.

Raj, Ishita and Veer were all just arriving as Dr Rehman and her team let the door close behind them. Indicating to Veer and Ishita that they should go in and see Meera, Raj stopped to talk to Dr Rehman. The rest of Dr Rehman’s entourage followed her unspoken instructions and walked away to give her some privacy to talk to Raj.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“She’s fine, Mr Bakhshi. In fact, you can take her home today. I assume she’ll be staying with you until she’s better” was Dr Rehman’s matter-of-fact answer.

Raj had wanted to suggest to Meera that she just move straight in to his house now, rather than waiting until after the wedding, but he knew that she wouldn’t agree to it. Instead, he planned to just spend all his time at her house for the next week.

He had asked Shakti and Anwar to keep an eye on things and also start making enquiries about hiring a manager, but for the mean time the business was not his priority. After all, one of the benefits of not having to rely on the business for money was the freedom to ignore it if he wanted to.

“No, Dr Rehman, she won’t be moving to my house just yet; the wedding is next week. But she’ll be well taken care of. If you’ll just ensure that we know exactly what she needs, we’ll make sure she does whatever she has to.”

Dr Rehman looked at him with an assessing look in her eyes.

“Very well Mr Bakhshi, I’ll make sure you have all the information you need. She will be fine”.

With that, Dr Rehman gave Raj another nod and walked away briskly leaving Raj to enter Meera’s room.

The sun was shining brightly into the room as Raj walked in; Meera looked a lot better than she had the day before. Wearing one of the gowns Ishita had brought for her, the only signs of the day before were the slightly tight set of her lips and the still-present waves in her hair (Meera had insisted that they should both fully enjoy Siddhu’s weddings as they were likely to be slightly more stressed for Ishita’s).

Meera smiled as Raj walked over to her bed; it was clear he was walking in half-way through a conversation, as Ishita was in the middle of talking.

“We know the whole truth Meeradi, Bhaiyya has told us everything, so you don’t need to worry.”

Meera glanced at Raj but he avoided her eyes as Veer carried on from where Ishita had left off.

“Yes, he told us that you were right and he was wrong. You left him because he decided to become Kaali, just because he didn’t want to be poor anymore.”

Raj coughed uncomfortably as he realised that Meera had no idea what tale he had spun; he could only hope that she didn’t say anything that would directly contradict his story.

Thankfully Meera had clearly decided that silence was best for now, though he did slightly dread what she would say to him when they were alone.

Ishita took over the conversation again “You were worried what it would do to me to be around Kaali, so you left”.

It seemed that they both felt that nothing more needed to be said; clearly having see Kaali fight the day before, they had an idea of what kind of man he had been in the past and understood why Meera might have wanted to walk away from him.

In an obvious change of topic, Veer said “Pogodi, you should rest. Or do you feel like drinking some juice? Or would you like an apple? Come Ishu, we’ll go and find something.”

As the couple left, Veer attempted a whisper “Bhaiyya, you keep an eye on her”.

Raj turned to glare at Veer as he walked out of the room then took a moment to brace himself before he turned back to Meera. He was just the tiniest bit apprehensive about what she would say.

Meera was looking at him with a surprisingly indulgent look on her face.

“Why didn’t you tell them the truth?” she asked.

He took her hand and started playing with her fingers, rubbing his thumb over her ring like a talisman.

“Because it’s not something we should tell them. What’s the point, Meera? The enmity between your dad and mine, the fact that they took each other’s lives, why?”

He shrugged as he spoke, as if to indicate how truly little it mattered anymore.

“We are all making a new start. None of us need to look back any more.”

Slightly surprised about how closely Raj’s words matched what she had been thinking overnight, she smiled her agreement. There was only one thing bothering Meera though and she couldn’t help but ask “Why did you tell them you were wrong and I was right?”

He laughed at that; trust Meera to want to bear her own fair share of past guilt.

Overcome with affection, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and said “Because these things just happen, sweetheart. These things just happen.”

Gazing into her eyes, he pressed their foreheads together as they both chuckled. Drawing back to press a smiling kiss to her lips, he said “I spoke to Dr Rehman. She said you could go home today, if we set everything up that you needed. She thought you would be coming home with me....”

He paused as Meera opened her mouth as if to speak; the look on his face clearly told her he was inwardly laughing at her so she didn’t say anything, letting him continue.

“She thought you would be coming home with me, but I told her there was still a week until the wedding and you’d be going to your own house. I’m going to go and talk to Ishu so that we can get everything sorted out, then I’ll get you out of here. Is that okay with you?”

Raj couldn’t stop the wide smile covering his face; Meera was so used to being in control of everything that he could tell that she was finding it very hard to cede everything over to anyone else, even him.

She knew that he was being eminently sensible and the only reason she wanted to object was that she wasn’t organising everything herself. It would be silly to be stubborn and so she gave in gracefully.

“It’s absolutely okay with me, Raj. Thank....”

Before she could complete the phrase, he put a finger across her lips.

“You weren’t going to thank me, were you sweetheart? You thank strangers, not people who belong to you. You’re mine as much as I am yours. It’s my right to do this, isn’t it?”

Though he was still smiling as he spoke, there was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes; he needed her to know that she could rely on him.

It was that vulnerability which made her say “I was going to say, thank Dr Rehman for me, that’s all. Why don’t you go and get everything sorted out; I really want to get home, as soon as I can, please”.

With another gentle kiss on her lips, he turned to leave. Just as he walked out of the room, he whispered “I’ll be back in a while. Just rest.”


	61. Interlude: On the way home

Meera’s discharge proceeded smoothly enough. It was, after all, quite easy to get all the services you needed if money was no object. Within about an hour, nursing and physiotherapy visits had been arranged and Meera’s discharge papers were all signed. Veer and Siddhu had gone to Meera’s house with Ishita to make sure things were ready there, as well as to organise when Meera and Ishita’s remaining belongings would be moved over to the Bakhshi house.

About five minutes after he received a text message from Ishita to say that everything was ready for Meera to come home, Dr Rehman entered Meera’s hospital room.

Meera and Raj had been sitting quietly holding hands, exchanging desultory conversation about events at the wedding before it had been disrupted.

As Dr Rehman walked in, Raj sat up straighter in his chair.

Handing over a thick envelope full of paperwork to Meera, Dr Rehman said “I’m glad to say everything looks good. Your prescription is in the envelope as well as the details of all the follow up you need. I do hope you won’t need my services again, Miss Malik, but I’m glad to have been here.”

As Meera smiled and offered her thanks, Dr Rehman shook her hand and then turned to Raj.

“Ah, good, Mr Bakhshi, you’re still here. I’m sure Miss Malik is keen to leave, I’m happy for her discharge, so you’ll be able to take her home now. I’ll ask the nurses to arrange a wheelchair to take her to the car.”

At that Meera exclaimed “I don’t need a wheelchair. I wasn’t shot in the leg, I can walk out of here.”

Well aware that he was stuck between two determined women, Raj stepped in “Is there anything else she needs, Dr Rehman?”

“No, it’s all in that envelope. You’ll just need to get her pain medications in the next few hours.” D Rehman responded, then turned back to Meera.

“I’m afraid, Miss Malik, that it’s hospital policy that you can’t walk out of here.”

Before Meera could argue, Raj solved the issue by just lifting her into his arms. Meera let out a little squeak then glared at him, whilst Dr Rehman started laughing.

“I’ll just take Meera home now. It was a pleasure to meet you Dr Rehman, though I do hope we don’t meet again under similar circumstances.”

With a smile, he walked out of the door that Dr Rehman promptly opened for them, ignoring Meera’s muttered orders to put her down immediately.

It took no more than five minutes to walk to his car, which was luckily parked close to the hospital entrance.

Meera hadn’t said a word once it was clear he wasn’t going to do as she asked and put her down, but when he set her on her feet next to the car door, she glowered at him and asked “Was that really necessary?”

Raj stepped close, being careful to avoid her wound, letting her feel the heat of his body soaking into her.

“It wasn’t necessary, exactly, but I enjoyed having you in my arms sweetheart. You don’t really mind, do you?”

The feel of him so close was lessening her anger, though she knew she couldn’t let this become a tactic he used to placate her repeatedly. Still, it was nice to have him close and she wasn’t really angry with him, so she shook her head.

As she turned to get into the car, he stopped her and gently drew her into his arms, burying his nose in her neck. Having her close finally soothed the remaining kernel of terror that had been present deep inside him since the bullet had hit her.

Realising that he was shaking, she brought her hand up to his neck, gently caressing the hair at his nape.

“I’m okay Kaali. I’m fine. You’re taking me home and everything is fine. Okay?”

He took one final deep breath, holding her scent inside him for a second before he exhaled and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

Drawing back, he replied “Okay. Let’s go home.”


	62. The Week before the Weddings

The next few days passed quite quickly. Now that everyone knew about Raj and Meera’s plan, things were taken out of their hands.

Meera was made to concentrate on her therapy. Ishita consulted her about moving all the rest of the furniture and the suitcases that still needed to be packed, but didn’t let her do anything.

It took a couple of days, but eventually everything was sorted out and plans were in place for what would happen once Veer, Ishita, Siddhu and Jenny were away on their respective honeymoons.

As expected, Veer and Ishita had tried to persuade Meera and Raj to have a joint ceremony with them, but the older couple had stuck to their original plan. The big beach wedding and reception were to be for Veer and Ishita alone; Meera and Raj wanted to enjoy their siblings’ day, wanted to let them have their own day of celebration and happiness.

Meera and Raj also didn’t want to share their wedding with anyone except those closest to them. Only eight people would watch them wed: Veer, Ishita, Shakti, Anwar, Siddhu, Jenny, Raghav and the Registrar, those were the only people they wanted with them when they finally got to join their lives together.

The two younger couples would fly out on their (separate) honeymoons in the evening after Meera and Raj’s wedding. The older couple had decided against going away; it was a little too soon after Meera’s injury for her to miss her therapy appointments. They would have the house to themselves for a month while their siblings were away, that was enough for them for now.

For the week leading up to the weddings, Meera’s house became the defacto home for the family. Raj spent most of his time there, with almost everyone eating dinner there every evening and spending hours chatting and discussing whatever they felt like.

Siddhu and Jenny were of course around the least; they were newlyweds setting up home together so not really in the mood for a lot of company.

Veer and Ishita were happily enjoying their last few days of courtship, taking long walks together and setting up their portion of the Bakhshi home the way they wanted it. It had been decided that they would spend their wedding night in the honeymoon suite of the best hotel in Goa before jetting off after the wedding the next day, so they were setting up things for when they returned to begin their lives together,

That meant that the four oldest were able to spend time together, talking about the happier times they had had; remembering the halcyon period when Anwar and Shakti had helped Meera and Raj be together. They didn’t touch on uncomfortable topics much, but there was enough shared history that they could reminisce without pain.

Things became a little awkward when Raghav arrived the day before Ishita’s wedding, but thankfully Anwar and Shakti were better at hiding their dislike than Raj was and so they took on the task of entertaining him that evening.

The night before Veer and Ishita’s wedding, it was just the two Bakhshi brothers and the two Malik sisters who say down for dinner together. Everyone was feeling slightly sentimental; no matter how much things were going to stay the same, there would still be a seismic shift in their lives once they were all married.

They sat and talked for a while after they had eaten, then Meera said “I think it’s time Veer went home, don’t you Raj? A bride needs a good night’s sleep before her wedding day.”

As Veer protested just a little, Raj laughingly pulled him up to his feet.

“Come on Veer, come and spend your last night as a bachelor with your brother. Let’s leave the ladies to their rest.”

Knowing Veer’s taste for melodrama, Raj didn’t let him dawdle as he pulled him out of the door. Making sure Veer drove off on his motorbike, he took a moment to send Meera a text “I’ll see you tomorrow sweetheart. Dream of me”, then drove off himself.

Both Bakhshi brother’s arrived home in quick succession; Veer had barely thrown himself on the sofa before Raj walked in.

Pouring two whiskeys, Raj walked over to where his brother was sitting and handed him one of the glasses.

“Well, here we are, finally. Are you ready?”

Veer took the whiskey; he stood up to face his brother before he answered.

For once, he was completely serious as he answered.

“Bhaiyya, I’m ready. I love her. I’m going to marry her. We’re going to be happy. I promise you, you’ll never have to worry about me or Ishita. We are going to be perfect.”

Veer looked up at the photograph of their father on the wall in front of them.

“You and me Bhaiyya, we’ve made him proud. I’m sure of it. We’ve had our share of the hard times, Bhaiyya, you more than me. From now, everything is going to be absolutely great.”

Silently, Raj looked at his brother standing in front of him. Clinking his glass against Veer’s, he tossed the whisky back and watched as his brother followed suit. Putting his glass down, he waited till Veer had followed suit then drew his brother into a tight embrace.

“You have always made me proud, Veer. You would have made our parents proud too” Raj said as he held his brother close. “You are the best brother I could ask for and you will be the best husband Ishita could every want. I will always be here if you need me, but I know you’ll be fine. Be happy, Veer.”

He drew back a little and kissed his brother’s forehead before he turned away to wipe a tear from his eye. He felt a little foolish, after all Veer and Ishita would still be living in the same house as he and Meera, but he couldn’t help it. They had been everything to each other for so long that it was still a wrench to know how much things would change now.

He heard Veer’s voice behind him.

“You are the best brother I could have had, Bhaiyya. I know things will change, but we will always be brothers, just like they’ll always be sisters.”

In an attempt to cut through the thick emotion filling the room, Veer joked “We’ll probably need to protect each other whenever they gang up against us. We miscalculated a bit there, didn’t we, falling in love with sisters.”

Raj couldn’t help laughing “You’re not wrong about that, but you’re mad if you think I’m going to go against Meera to protect you”.

He kept laughing as Veer pretended to have been stabbed in the heart, only stopping when Veer stepped forward to throw his arms around him in a big bear hug.

“I love you Bhaiyya.”

With that, Veer turned away and walked out of the room, leaving Raj standing in front of his father’s picture, thinking about the future.


	63. Interlude: Sisters

There were similarly mixed feelings in the Malik household. Meera and Ishita hadn’t lived together as long as Veer and Raj had, but they were still the closest of sisters. Losing their parents when they had meant that they had always been each other’s only family; from tomorrow that would no longer be true.

They sat quietly after their fiancés had left, making quiet conversation about the clothes Ishita was taking in her honeymoon and the Spa Resort where Meera was going to spend her last night as a single woman.

Eventually, Meera said “I wasn’t joking when I said you needed your sleep. You better go up, otherwise you’ll have big bags under your eyes in your wedding pictures.”

The two sisters were sitting in front of the fire, quietly nursing cups of hot chocolate; Meera made as if to stand when Ishita lay a hand on her wrist.

Putting her cup down, Ishita slid off the sofa to kneel in front of her sister, Meera’s wrist still held in her hand.

“Meeradi, after tomorrow things won’t be the same, I know they won’t. I know we’ll still be living in the same house but things won’t be the same.”

Meera put her own cup down and leaned forward, laying a gentle hand on Ishita’s cheek.

“Things will be better, darling. Nothing can ever change our relationship, Ishu, nothing. I will always be there for you. We are lucky that we will each have someone else in our lives, someone who is ours, but we will always be there for each other.”

“I’m scared Meeradi” Ishita said “it’s stupid when I love Veer and he loves me, and you’ll be there. I know it’s stupid to be scared but it’s such a huge step to take. What if something happens? What if I can’t bear to live with Veer?”

With a gentle sigh, Meera said “It’s normal to feel that way, Ishu. Do you think I’m not terrified? I’ve loved Raj for longer than you can imagine, but I’m terrified.”

She stroked Ishita’s cheek gently with her thumb.

“Everything will be good, Ishu. Whatever happens, we will be there for each other. And I know those men. Veer adores you. Raj waited for me for fifteen years. They will be good to us. Neither of us need to be scared Ishu. We should be happy.

“And whatever happens, I’ll always be your big sister. You’ll always have me.”

They sat there, silently, just for a few minutes longer. Ishita put her head on Meera’s knee and just let her sister stroke her hair.

Finally Meera said “Ishu, go to bed. Sleep. The next part of your life starts tomorrow. Go to bed and dream of the future.”

Ishita stood gracefully and lay a final kiss to Meera’s cheek then turned and climbed the stairs to her almost empty bedroom.

Meera watched her till she closed the door behind her, then turned her head to look into the fire. She sat there for a long time contemplating the flames whilst she thought about the future and what it would bring.

It was well past midnight before she finally made her way to her own bed; it was even longer before she finally slept.


	64. Veer and Ishita's Happy Day

The morning of Ishita’s wedding was one of the most beautiful mornings Meera had ever seen. The sky was blue and clear, the sun was bright and cheerful and the flowers had bloomed perfectly on time.

Jenny had arrived bright and early to help Ishita get ready; when her hair and make-up was done, the girls called Meera in to help with the dress.

As they slipped it over Ishu’s head, Meera felt joy blossoming inside her; the tiny niggle of fear that had been living in her heart since their conversation last night vanished as she saw the way her sister was glowing with happiness.

Meera stepped back and adjusted the fall of the dress, then leaned forward to gently press a kiss to her sister’s cheek.

“You look beautiful, Ishu. Veer won’t know what’s hit him when he sees you.”

Ishita couldn’t control the blissful smile that kept appearing on her face. All her worries had vanished once she had told her sister about them and now all that mattered was that she was going to marry Veer.

“Ishu, there’s just one more thing,” Meera began “I want you to have this.”

She clasped an elegant diamond running bracelet around Ishita’s wrist. “This was our mother’s. Our father gave it to her on the day you were born. I think it’s time for you to have it.”

Tears sprang into Ishita’s eyes as Jenny began exclaiming about how beautiful she looked. She leaned forward to hug Meera, only for Meera to step back saying “Careful, don’t mess yourself up”.

“Oh Meeradi,” Ishita laughed “hugging you is more important that a few wrinkles in the dress”.

She threw her arms around her sister and hugged her tight; a minute later she drew back and said “I think I’m ready. I’m ready, aren’t I?”

Meera and Jenny both grinned then Jenny said “Yes, you’re ready. Let’s go. I can’t wait to see Veer’s eyes pop out of his head when he sees you.”

In perfect harmony, the three women stepped out of the house; Siddhu was there with a beautifully decorated car to drive them to the gorgeous section of beach where they had decided to hold the ceremony.

When they arrived at the beach, the eclectic mixture of guests was already seated and Veer was standing with his brother at the end of the flower-strewn aisle that had been formed by the placement of the chairs.

Both brothers were dressed in white linen loose shirts and trousers, their outfits carefully chosen to complement Ishita’s deceptively simple sundress and Meera’s summery cotton saree.

The wide smile on Veer’s face matched the one that Ishita couldn’t hide; as Meera escorted Ishita down the aisle, it felt as if Ishu just wanted to take wing and get to Veer’s side instantaneously.

They managed to keep to a decorous walk; half way down the aisle, Meera glanced up to see Raj’s eyes fixed on her. The love and lust and adoration in his gaze made her feel weak at the knees; she looked away quickly before she blushed but she could feel his eyes on her until she reached his side.

When they reached their places in front of the Registrar, Meera placed Ishita’s hand in Veer’s and stepped back to stand next to Raj. She felt his hand reach down for hers and then their fingers were entwined as they watched their siblings marry.

 When the Registrar finally said “I pronounce you husband and wife” Meera felt a tear slip down her cheek. Raj turned to her and wiped it away with his thumb, kissing her gently whilst everyone’s attention was on the newlyweds.

“They’re going to be happy, sweetheart, just like us. We’re all going to have our happy endings.”

Before he could draw back, she kissed him back, surprising him; Meera barely ever kissed him of her own accord.

“We are, my Kaali, we are.”

With that, they turned to watch Veer and Ishita walk down the aisle, shaking hands and hugging people who wanted to congratulate them.

Once the newly-weds were on their way to the reception venue, Raj and Meera gathered up all of the guests and guided them into the various modes of transport they had arranged. It wasn’t long before everyone reached the hall (which was the same one where King had so rudely interrupted Siddhu’s wedding reception); the afternoon passed in a haze of merry-making, good food, speeches and overall merriment.

It was late in the evening when two cars arrived at the venue; one for Veer and Ishita and one for Jenny and Siddhu. Both couples were going to spend the night in a gorgeous hotel before coming back in time to be part of Meera’s wedding to Raj; after that they would fly off on their respective honeymoons.

The leave taking was a happy one; both couples were radiant in their happiness and it was a joy to see how over the moon they were.

As they watched the cars drive away, Meera and Raj stood hand in hand; they had spent the majority of the afternoon by each other’s side quietly letting Anwar and Shakti deal with everything.

As the guests started to disperse, Raj looked at Meera. Giving a gentle tug on her hand he said “Walk with me?”

Softly she nodded and they began meandering across the moonlit garden.

“And so they’re wed. Do you remember, all those years ago, I joked about this? I said, if Veer ever met your sister, he would start loving her and just not be able to stop. Just like me. I started loving you and I haven’t been able to stop. Not once since I met you have I stopped loving you.”

They had stopped walking as he spoke; she pressed close to him and raised a hand to his face. Stroking her fingers across his cheek, she lifted her face to kiss him saying “Even when you were dead, I couldn’t stop loving you. And now, we’re going to have the life we were meant to start so long ago. Just one more night.”

He groaned and wrapped his arms around her.

“One more night, sweetheart, then we’ll finally have our new beginning.”

Raj couldn’t stop himself from kissing her; they stood there for long moments just enjoying each other’s touch.

They broke apart when a voice hailed them. “Meera, the car is here to take you to the hotel.”

It was (embarrassingly) Raghav; he watched as they walked across the grass to where he was standing.

Meera blushed a little as she met his eyes; despite her age and the fact they were due to be married the next day, it almost felt as if her she had been caught illicitly necking with her boyfriend.

Willing the blush to die away, she said “I’ll just grab my case” and walked swiftly away, leaving Raghav and Raj standing awkwardly together.

“I know you don’t like me” Raghav began “and I must thank you for letting me be part of Meera’s life, despite everything.”

Raj really didn’t want to have any conversation with the man, but he was always going to be Meera’s friend and so Raj would have to learn to tolerate him.

“It’s not my right to choose who Meera has in her life, that’s her choice. I’m not going to stop her from seeing you if she wants to” he managed to say.

“Still, thank you. I know she wouldn’t meet me if you asked her not to. I also want to apologise for what I helped her father do, back then. I obeyed him without thinking, as I always did, but I never wanted to break Meera’s heart. I don’t expect you to say anything, but I wanted to tell you. It was wrong. I wish it hadn’t happened. I’m sorry.”

Unable to think of anything to say that wouldn’t destroy the peaceful atmosphere on this happy day, Raj simply nodded.

The two men stood there, awkwardly silent until Meera returned.

They walked her to the car and Raj handed her in, then watched as she drove away.

The next time Raj saw her, she would be his bride; the hours until that moment seemed infinite.


	65. Finally.

Raj and Meera had decided to get married in the afternoon, specifically to allow Veer and Ishita to enjoy their first morning together as husband and wife.

It also allowed them to recover from the day before; they both woke late in their lonely beds and lay there savouring the thought of what was to come.

Meera indulged herself with a swim and a massage, letting the masseuse take away all the stress and strain that had gathered in her over the past week. Her wound was almost completely healed; only the red scar remained. As she dressed after her massage, she saw it in the mirror. Running her fingers over it, she realised her joke was actually true; she and Raj did match. The placement of her gunshot scar was almost identical to his.

It was a relief that she had healed quickly; Meera knew that she could trust Raj to be gentle but she didn’t want to feel like an invalid on her wedding night. Despite the overwhelming yearning she felt for him, it was likely enough to be awkward; it would be even worse if they had to hold back because she was in pain or he did something which accidentally hurt her.

She returned to her room and rested for a while, then took a long hot bath. She emerged red and hot and relaxed, and wrapped herself in a fluffy bathrobe.

Walking into the bedroom, she let the robe fall to the floor as she stood in front of the full length mirror that stood there. As she looked at herself with a critical eye, wondering what Raj would think when he saw her, she couldn’t help but note every wrinkle, every area of sagging skin or less than perfect tone. The little curve of her belly made her remember that Raj had mentioned her weight; what would he think of her less-than-perfectly-flat stomach when he finally looked at her?

With a muffled curse, she picked the robe up off the floor and wrapped it around herself again. Inwardly she was kicking herself; on this morning of all mornings, what had possessed her to seek out her flaws? Raj loved her, whatever she looked like. So what if his body was still wonderfully sleek, all bronzed skin over taut muscle? What did that matter? He had touched her and felt her; he knew what he was getting when he married her.

Determinedly putting her uncertainties to one side, she dressed with care. She had chosen a light silk dress that fell to her ankles; it made her feel bridal though it wasn’t white.

At four o’clock in the afternoon, she made her way to the hotel lobby; Raghav was already waiting there for her. He handed her into the car and drove her to Raj’s house; the wedding would take place there, in what would be their home. Neither of them spoke during that drive, both taken up with their own thoughts.

Meera resolutely battled to regain the untarnished happiness she had felt only the day before, but though she was filled with joy at the thought of marrying Raj, the part of her that was filled with the terror she had told Ishita about couldn’t be completely silenced.

***********************************************************************

Raj spent the day in a state of controlled panic. She was finally coming, she was finally going to be his, he was finally going to be hers. Those thoughts kept going round and round in his mind and he couldn’t quite control his happiness.

He walked around the house, straightening things, moving things from place to place until he finally forced himself to go into his gym and work out for a while.

When that didn’t settle him, he went to the beach and swam in the sea for a little while, letting the calm of the sea sink into him.

Driving back home, he jumped into the shower and spent a long time washing the sea-water off his skin. He trimmed his beard and set his hair as perfectly as he could before dressing in the clothes Meera had chosen for him; dark linen trousers with a linen shirt that matched her dress.

Neither of them had wanted a big wedding, but it was still the only wedding they would ever have; they had each wanted to look their best.

Raj had just finished getting ready when he heard Veer calling out his name. Looking at his watch, he saw that it was half past three in the afternoon. The Registrar was due to arrive in an hour, with the wedding set for five o’clock. Jogging down the stairs, he saw his brother and sister-in-law standing in the living area, looking glowingly happy as they held hands.

Raj called out “Veer” and his brother turned to look at him; without hesitation, he stepped forward to wrap his arms around Raj.

Ishita stepped forward a little more slowly, waiting until Veer stepped back to lean across to lay a gentle kiss on Raj’s cheek.

“You look wonderful Bhaiyya,” she said “Meeradi isn’t going to be able to keep her eyes off you”.

He smiled at her distractedly then asked “Are you guys all set to go? Got your passports and tickets?”

Veer laughed out loud “Bhaiyya, today of all days, you don’t need to worry about me. We’ll manage. Today, just worry about yourself and Meeradi.”

As he spoke, the door opened again and Siddhu walked in carrying a huge vase full of flowers. Shakti followed him carrying another then Anwar and Jenny walked in behind them.

When Raj looked at Anwar in askance, Anwar answered the unspoken question “It was all Jenny’s idea, don’t blame us. She thought flowers would make everything feel a little bit more like a wedding. It was easier just to go along with what she wanted, so here are the flowers.”

He shrugged but before he could continue Jenny interjected “We’ll just put them on either side of the fireplace, then the Registrar can stand there and you can stand between them. It’ll look lovely in the photographs and they’re easily removed in a couple of days when the flowers start to die. You won’t even have to think about them.”

Agreeing with Anwar that it was easier to just let Jenny have her way rather than argue, Raj stood back as the vases were placed where she indicated. He had to admit, they did lend a bridal air to the house; he hoped that Meera would like them too.

At quarter past four, there was a soft knock at the door; Shakti went to see who it was. When he opened it, Raghav was standing there and behind him stood a quiet Meera.

On seeing her sister, Ishita rushed forward to throw her arms around Meera before pulling her into the house.

“Meeradi you’re here, finally. Come in, come in, come on. Raj Bhaiyya has been waiting”.

As she stepped through the door, she felt Raj’s eyes lock onto her. Looking up, she met his gaze for a moment before looking away, feeling unaccountably shy and unnerved.

She let herself be pulled further into the house, couldn’t help the smile that appeared when she saw the flowers but she still didn't speak.

Inevitably Meera ended up next to Raj; he took her hand in his and intertwined their fingers as had become his habit. Somehow she still couldn’t bring herself to say anything; it was ridiculous to feel as nervous as she did, but she couldn’t help it.

Raj looked at her enquiringly; he couldn’t quite tell what was keeping her so quiet but before he could ask, the doorbell rang. The Registrar had arrived for the Ceremony.

As they got things organised and the paperwork signed, Ishita drew Meera to one side and said “Meeradi is everything okay? You’re so quiet.”

Meera managed a shaky smile and replied “You remember that I told you I was terrified. I absolutely utterly totally am terrified. Have I gone insane, Ishu, getting married at my age? What am I doing?”

Ishita let out a startled giggle. “Meeradi, are you joking?”

She stopped giggling when she saw the look on Meera’s face, and continued seriously “Look at that man, Meeradi. Just look at him. He looks at you as if you’re the sun and the moon and the stars all rolled into one. You know he loves you and I know you love him. What are you worrying about?”

Meera couldn’t explain her fears to her baby sister; how could she tell her that she was afraid Raj wouldn’t find her attractive, especially when she knew it was the most ridiculous of fears. Meera knew she was being ridiculous, so she did her best to shrug off her concerns and go back to the happy place she had been in the day before.

A few seconds later the Registrar asked if they were all ready.

Meera stepped forward, taking her place next to Raj in front of the Registrar. As the Registrar started speaking, Raj took her hand in his, running his finger over her ring; at that one gesture, she snapped out of the haze she had been all afternoon.

She was marrying Raj. Finally, he was going to be hers in the eyes of the world. At that thought, a wide smile broke across her face and she gripped his hand tightly. Meera looked into Raj’s eyes as the Registrar kept talking; after a moment, the slightly puzzled look in his eyes vanished to leave behind only unadulterated joy.

They stood there, hands tightly holding on to each other as they answered the questions the Registrar asked, as they took each other as husband and wife.

When the Registrar finally pronounced them married, Raj turned to Meera and drew her close. All he wanted to do was kiss her and never let her go, but he was very aware that they were surrounded by their closest family.

He limited himself to a passionate kiss, groaning when he felt her response. It was hell to have to pull away but the dazed look in her eyes was at least balm to his heart. Whatever had been troubling her when she had arrived seemed to have gone away; he hoped that he hadn’t done anything to upset her. It didn’t matter, whatever it was, he would deal with it, make it better. They were bound together now and Raj vowed that soon as he could get rid of all the people hanging around, he would show her truly what she meant to him.

For now they had to be polite to the people who were there to celebrate with them; hand in hand they thanked the Registrar and asked him to stay for some champagne.

Shakti brought out the bottle which had been chilling in the kitchen; Raj opened the bottle with a pop and filled people’s glasses.

When everyone had a glass in their hands (Anwar’s contained sparking water), Raj finally took a breath.

In a voice that drew everyone’s attention he said “I’ve got to thank you all for being here. It’s taken Meera and I such a long time to get here, but we finally did. A lot of that is thanks to you all. You kept us sane and kept us whole until we could find each other again.”

He glanced at his wife and couldn’t stop the wide grin that cracked his face in two at his own thoughts. Meera was staring at him with a similarly wide smile, so he didn’t hesitate as he continued “From my wife and me, a sincere thank you. We can’t promise to be less trouble now, but we’ll try.”

The Registrar started clapping politely, but his clapping was soon drowned out by the cheers from the other assembled people. Meera surged forward to embrace her sister whilst Veer hugged his brother, then they swapped. Slightly overwhelmed by Veer’s enthusiastic hug, Meera giggled then managed to catch her breath when Shakti and Anwar gave her very brotherly pats on her shoulders.

The next fifteen minutes or so passed in a confusion of crossed over conversations, as everyone tried to say everything they wanted to in a very short period of time.

Too soon, both Siddhu’s and Veer’s phones started alarming, telling them that they needed to leave for the airport. The next few minutes passed in a jumble of farewells and congratulations; before they knew it Raj was closing the door on the last of their guests and they were finally alone.


	66. Beginnings

Alone.

Finally a married couple.

This was it; in all the novels and films, this was where the story ended. What was meant to happen next?

Raj and Meera looked at each other and smiled ridiculously shyly before looking away. Each was filled with a sense of rightness, but there was also a strange awkwardness.

Raj spoke first.

“Are you okay? You’ve been so quiet. You’re not hurting?”

Meera shook her head before responding softly “No I’m fine.”

There was a moment’s silence before she shook her head again saying “Actually, I’m not fine. I’m so happy I could burst, but I’m terrified. Does that make sense?”

She saw the look of distress on his face “No, Kaali, I’m not scared of you.”

The look on his face was so distressed that she was finally moved to step forward.

“Kaali, I’m just scared because this is all so new. I want to be here, with you. But I can’t help but be terrified too.”

Meera stepped closed enough to be able to lean against Raj, her head against his chest. Almost automatically, his arms came up around her, pulling her close.

“Meera,” he exhaled her name almost like a prayer, relieved when her arms came up around his back and she snuggled her cheek into the bare skin visible in the open neckline of his shirt.

They stood there for a long time; in many ways it was like the first time they had been in each other’s arms (without the pouring rain drenching them, of course). There was that same sense of rightness and contentment and happiness now as there had been then.

Raj rubbed his face against her hair before he finally said “Shall we be terrified together?”

At that, Meera pulled her head back in surprise to look at his face.

“What” he asked “don’t you think I can be scared too?”

She stared at him for an instant before starting to giggle; her laughter triggered his and for a few minutes the two of them just stood there laughing.

Eventually the laughter died down, but it had broken the tension.

Drawing Meera into his arms again, Raj tilted her face up towards him and bent to kiss her. Just as the kiss started to turn heated, he pulled away.

She made an annoyed little noise and he chuckled “Meera, you do realise we’re still standing in the doorway. Come on sweetheart, you can come in. The house won’t bite”.

Letting Raj sling his arms around her shoulder and draw her further into the house, Meera said “Will you at least show me round properly. Ishu said the house looked totally different now with all of our stuff mixed in. Show me where you’ve put everything.”

She knew she was trying to postpone explaining to him why she had said she was scared; the look he threw her way told her that he knew that she was deflecting too.

“So, do you want to see what Veer and Ishita have done with their things? Then maybe we should eat something, I’m starving.”

Meera giggled at that and let herself be guided by his hands on her shoulders.

The set of rooms Raj showed her was tastefully decorated in what she recognised as Ishita’s style; there were various items scattered over the surfaces which she recognised.

It was quite lovely and she said so.

“Well, I had nothing to do with it. You know, I hadn’t expected that you wouldn’t be able to have things the way you wanted before you moved in. You weren’t meant to get yourself shot, Meera.”

His arm convulsively tightened about her shoulders as he spoke.

“You remember how we had planned we would tell Veer and Ishu straight after Siddhu’s wedding? And then plan the move properly, and get your things all set up the way you wanted it done? Remember that?” His voice was teasing but the worry of the last week was visible in his eyes.

Meera smiled “I’m here now. I can get everything the way I want it. We can do it together, just the way we planned.”

She turned her head and kissed his cheek, then tucked her face into the crook of his neck for just a second.

“Come and sit with me for a while Kaali, just for a while then you can show me the rest of the house.”

They walked across the hall until they reached the sitting area.

Raj sat on the sofa and Meera sat next to him, pulling her feet up and leaning against him. Her hand came up to trail against the skin of his neck.

Meera knew he wouldn’t just let it go, so pre-empted him.

“I’m not scared of you. You know that, don’t you? I suppose it’s just this huge change, and I feel just a little out of control. And you know how much I hate that.”

He huffed out a laugh.

“I suppose I just let it go round and round in my head. What will it be like to be together, not just in love but actually married? How will I get used to having to share my decisions, share a house, share a bed and a bathroom and a wardrobe?”

She took a deep breath before she continued, speaking quickly before he could say anything.

“And then I saw myself Kaali. I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. I’m forty-one years old and I look it. We’ve been close, especially that day in the gym, but I realised I’m forty-one. I’ve never had a relationship with anyone, I’ve never slept with anyone. I feel stupid even for feeling this way, but what if I mess everything up? What if.....mmmphh”

Raj stopped her nervous words by the simple expedient of tilting her face up towards him and kissing her.

He poured everything he could into that kiss; his love, his devotion, his ardour, his madness.

He kissed her over and over, trying without words to convey what he felt.

Eventually she gasped, overwhelmed by what she was feeling.

Pulling back a little, he leaned his forehead against hers, whispering “Meera, I have loved you since the moment I saw you. You tried to kill me, twice, and I didn’t stop loving you. I haven’t wanted another woman since the moment I saw you. You know this, Meera, you know I love you. There is nothing you could do that could mess anything up.”

After a beat, he continued “Do you think it’s any different for me? I’m terrified you’ll realise you don’t love me enough to put up with my disgusting habits or that you’ll get sick of being with a man who always has grease under his nails.”

He gently kissed Meera again then sighed “Meera, sweetheart.”

Meera pressed even closer, almost as if she wanted to merge into him. He pulled her as close as he could, uncaring of her dress crumpling or her mascara staining his shirt.

“We’ll work it out, together. We’re going to be happy. We’ll still be crazy in love when we’re one hunded and one.”

At that, she gave a wet-chuckle, the huff of laughter tickling his neck.

She pulled back, still smiling.

“I bet I look an absolute hag; I can feel my mascara running”.

Raj looked at her closely then said “You do. You’re a wreck. I can’t believe my bride looks so awful.”

He stood up and then extended his hand to pull her up too.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s change into something a bit more comfortable. Then we can eat and talk and relax.”

Meera laughed.

“Are you going to cook for me, Raj? I claim bride’s privilege; I want to eat something you make just for me.”

In perfect harmony, they started walking towards their room.


	67. Finally

Walking into their room, she could see a few of her things scattered here and there. Her unopened suitcase was off to the side, but she could see that her favourite toiletries were on the dressing table. Meera knew that if she looked in the wardrobe, many of her clothes would be hanging there.

Seeing familiar things made her feel even more comfortable. She went to pick up her suitcase, only to find Raj there before her. He lifted it onto the bed then walked over to the second wardrobe in the room, pulling out some casual clothes.

“Why don’t you start to get yourself settled? I’m going to just go take a shower next door; you can shower here then we’ll eat and relax”.

Raj waited until she smiled and nodded then walked out, closing the door behind him.

Meera stood for a few moments, just looking around and orientating herself, then pulled herself together and bent her head to the suitcase. Most of her clothes had been sent over whilst she was recovering; Ishita must have arranged them. All that Meera had brought with her were the few things that had been left behind and the bridal nightwear she had blushingly bought on a solo shopping trip soon after Raj had proposed.

Pulling it out of the suitcase, she looked at again, blushing as she did.

Goodness knew what had possessed her to buy it; it would reveal every one of the flaws she had noted yesterday and probably make each of them even more obvious.

Still, it was the nightgown she had chosen to wear on her wedding night and as she stood looking at it, Meera couldn’t help but want her husband to see her in it. She wanted him to _want_ her in it.

Leaving it on the bed, she stripped off her wedding dress and lingerie, grabbed a fluffy bath-towel from her suitcase and walked into the bathroom.

A quick shower later, wrapped in the towel, she walked out of the bedroom.

Seeing her wedding dress lying on the bed, she quickly folded it and put it in her suitcase then closed the case and put it on the floor by the wall.

Turning back to the bed, Meera saw the casual t-shirt and linen slacks that she had left out to wear; lying next to them was her nightgown.

Realising that Raj would probably be back soon, she moved forward to put the gown to one side, but when she picked it up she suddenly wanted to try it on, just to reassure herself that she would be able to wear it later that night.

Letting the towel drop to the floor, she drew the nightgown over her head, letting the silken folds slide into place with a little wriggle.

The evening sun was flooding through the windows on one side of the room as she turned to look at herself in the full length mirror that was clearly a new addition to the room.

Despite her fears, Meera couldn’t help but be satisfied with the way she looked; the glow of the sun made everything appear golden and radiant.

She wished Raj could see her in that moment, looking as she did just then; it was as if he had heard her unspoken wish when he walked in a moment later.

Raj was startled for a moment when he saw her; he hadn’t even thought about knocking or warning her that he was coming in, instead simply walking in to his room as he always did. He was dressed only in simple linen slacks, having forgotten to take a top with him when he went to bathe.

He opened his mouth to apologise, but couldn’t get the words out. Meera stood in front of him, the glow of the sun surrounding her. He didn’t have the words to tell her how beautiful she looked, instead walking forward as if drawn like a moth to a flame.

Though only a moment ago Meera had wished he was there, she hadn’t actually ever dreamed he would see her in full daylight wearing that gown; with the sun shining through it, it was almost sheer and certainly revealing every part of her to his view.

Raj stalked towards her, his towel joining hers on the floor.

Stretching out a hand, he stroked a finger down her cheek then stepped forward until his bare chest was almost touching her.

Meera stood frozen with indecision; half of her wanted to pull him towards her and run her hands over the expanse of the golden skin of his chest while the other half wanted to run away until she could face him dressed in something far less revealing.

A moment later, her choice was made; her hand lifted as if of its own accord and rested lightly just above his heart.

Raj smiled. Just before he bent to kiss her, he whispered “Finally”.


	68. Epilogue

Fifteen years had passed since Meera wed Kaali and Veer married Ishita.

They had been fifteen happy years, filled with love and laughter and joy. It seemed as if all the sadness in their lives had been contained in the years preceding their weddings; once they were together, there was nothing but happiness.

The two couples had decided to celebrate the passing of fifteen years with a big party; Veer just enjoyed parties and would take any excuse to throw one, whilst to Raj and Meera, the passing of fifteen years meant that they had been together virtually as long as they had been apart. Once their friends got involved, it turned from a simple family celebration into a huge event, a celebration of happiness.

Strangely enough, the venue where they had held Veer and Ishita’s wedding reception had just been refurbished and reopened after eight years of having been in disrepair; it seems only natural to hold their party there.

On the morning of the party, the Bakhshi house was full of children running around, making a huge amount of noise. There were a variety of children of various ages; Meera and Raj’s fourteen year old daughter and twelve year old son, Veer and Ishita’s thirteen year old daughter and eleven and ten year old sons all tended to act like a gang of five and were certainly behaving like it that morning.

They were joined in their merry-making by Siddhu and Jenny’s thirteen year old twins, as well as Anwar’s eight year old and Shakti’s nine year old.

Nine children running around the courtyard like Tasmanian Devils was almost too much for anyone to bear; it wasn’t long before they were bundled by their fathers into two cars and taken to the beach near Meera’s restaurant.

Meera’s eldest, Anjali, was given strict instructions to keep an eye on everyone before the men left, saying they would be back to collect the group in two hours. The staff in the restaurant would keep an eye on them, as they had many times over the last ten years, and it would let the adults get on with everything they needed to do.

As the men walked into the house, they were greeted by the sight of their wives relaxing on the verandah, their hands full of cook drinks.

Raj laughed, saying “So, we get to wrangle the children and you get to wrangle the drinks. There’s something not quite right with this picture.”

Meera stretched out a hand to greet him, drawing him close.

He bent over to kiss her, then grabbed the chair next to her as she said “You can have drinks too, Kaali, no-one’s stopping you. The jug is right there”.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just take yours.” he said with a grin, following the words with action.

Laughing as she squawked in outrage, he took a big gulp to finish off her drink whilst their family affectionately watched them bicker.

The day was spent making sure everything was organised; two hundred people were expected to join them in their celebrations.

Once the children had been collected, washed, bathed, dressed and plonked in front of the television to wait for their parents, the five couples went to their separate houses and rooms to get ready.

Meera and Raj dressed in their bedroom, moving around each other with the ease of years of practice.

The room looked very much as it had when Meera had arrived fifteen years ago; there had been temporary changes over the years as cots had come and gone, but overall it was still the same.

Raj emerged from the bathroom to see Meera standing in front of the mirror in a dress very similar to the one she had worn on their wedding day.

He smiled as he walked up to her.

“Did you think I wouldn’t be able to see the similarity?” he teased as he flicked a finger under her chin. “You look just as beautiful today, sweetheart, as you did that day and on the day we met. You always look beautiful”

Meera smiled as she leaned up to give him a kiss then said “I know I do, to you even if not to anyone else.”

Turning back to the mirror, she contemplated their reflection.

“Did you think we would get here? Boring middle-aged business people, two children, friends, family. When we met, all those years ago, did you ever think we would get here?”

She leaned back into him, smiling as his hands came up to rest on her shoulders.

“I may not have known where we would be, Meera, but I knew you were the only one for me. I knew we were meant to be together. Looks like I was right”.

They were both smiling as he bent forward to kiss her; fifteen years of marriage hadn’t diminished the passion between them and the kiss was starting to turn heated when there was a knock on the door.

“Dad, Mum” came Anjali’s voice through the door “Shakti uncle said could you please get a move on? We need to get to the hall before the guests start to arrive.”

With a resigned sign, Meera and Raj drew apart, looking at each other with regret.

Meera lifted her hand to wipe her lipstick off Raj’s lips before turning back to restore her own maquillage.

Raj watched her, as fascinated as ever by the precision with which she applied her war-paint.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of watching you doing that.” he said as he picked up her wrap and draped it over her shoulders, letting his fingers trail over her skin as he did.

She threw him a heated look as they turned towards the door; just as they stepped through, she said “I have to say, I enjoy it much more when you try and destroy all my hard work. I’m looking forward to letting you later tonight.”

They were both laughing as they walked down the stairs; the laughter-filled start to the evening boded well for the evening ahead.

And when, after hours spent reminiscing about the past, Meera and Raj returned home together and turned to each other with passion and adoration, it was clear that the love they had for each other would continue to burn just as brightly for all the years to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Ages at the time Kaali and Meera first meet 15yrs ago  
> Kaali- 29  
> Meera- 25  
> Veer- 12  
> Ishita- 10  
> Ages for Kaali: Adopted as toddler, Bakhshi marries when he’s 14, Veer born when he’s 17, Veer’s ma dies when he’s 23 and Veer is 6. Veer is 12 when his dad dies which means Kaali is 29.
> 
> The Pharmaceutical industry=the drugs trade  
> The entertainment industry= people traffickers and prostitution
> 
> Just as a little aside- Meera does actually see Kaali at the airport in Delhi, its not just her imagination. They are both at the airport nine months after "The Incident"- he has gone there to collect Veer on their way to starting their new life in Goa.


End file.
